Do people realise there's more housework if you're a SAHP?

[CantPreventSpring]

Just that. I'm not denying the difficulty of juggling work and home responsibilities, but I often see people on here say stuff like "I manage AND hold down a job, so how can you possibly be struggling?"

Being at home all day with small children creates mess. You can get odd things done, but you can't properly clean your house with toddlers and babies around. Especially if they're terrible nappers. I have to clean when the kids are asleep, the same as working parents, and everything is messier than it would be if nobody was home all day.

Now I'm also doing paid work after kids' bedtime the only possible option is having a cleaner. There's literally not time otherwise.

I'm not complaining about my lot in general. I think there's a lot that's harder about juggling nursery runs, commutes, appointments, kids sick days and so on if you are out of the house, but this particular point really bugs me.

Yeah, that's absolutely a benefit. I recognise the advantages to my situation. I'm doing it because I see advantages.

I spend my evenings doing cleaning though. Now I also work from home 10 hours a week, and I've had to get a cleaner because literally I would not be able to do everything otherwise. Unless I spend no time with my husband at the weekend and just left him to look after the kids solo. When we've been out all day as a family on a Saturday, I have significantly less house stuff to do that evening. Floors aren't so grim. Kitchen hasn't been used as much etc.

😂 oh come on. I don’t know why you’re trying to justify your choices.

I suppose I found it messier because nursery did activities and did the food with my children on nursery days wheras at home days I did activities and food with them. You dont need to paint, cook or make dens etc if they do all that at nursery but if there isnt anyone else doing that sort of thing, its quite nice to - even if its a choice.

I don't want to point to the specific thing that triggered this post and make it a thread about a thread, but it's a sentiment I've seen repeatedly. I'm defensive because of some of the hostility on here!

I find it much easier to have a tidy house on a weekend compared to a working day even if I’m parenting alone, so for me it would be easier to keep the house tidy if I was a sahm. That’s not going to be universal but it seems like it’s not an uncommon view.
I also had so much more time to clean during maternity leaves and the house was a lot more organised.

it depends on how many kids and how long they're in childcare. my eldest was up and out in the mornings, childcare from 8:30-5:30, home, dinner, bath, little play, bed. no time for mess!
whereas if kids are home longer they'll make more mess.
but no, nowhere near as much mess as 4 kids home all day. especially when there's a baby/small child who doesn't allow for cleaning constantly.

Why can't these ever just be discussions? I genuinely like to hear other perspectives on things. Why does it always have to be an argument, and someone has to be on a 'side' where one side is better than another? I don't get it 😪

My three-year-old is at nursery a couple of days now, and the days when she's not home there's less to clean up in the evening than other days. I can also get bit more done with just the baby, despite the fact she'll only nap in the pram.

I'm not trying to say my life is harder than that of working parents. I think it has its own challenges, but I've chosen it precisely because I see the advantages. I just think it's obvious that somewhere gets dirtier if a couple of tiny hooligans are creating havoc all day vs if they only have a couple of hours there.

It's definitely easier for me to keep on top of laundry as I can do several loads in a day if there's a backlog.

Bit off the OP topic but I was chatting to a work colleague about this- she has a toddler and I have 7&10yo boys.

The chat was about when and how we got housework done. We both work 4 days/ week- my days are longer (0800-1830) as I am older/ more senior in role and she has trainee protected hours (0900-1700). Much of my midweek day off is spent catching up with admin work tasks I haven’t managed to do during my paid working hours.

My colleague said she quite enjoyed a leisurely Saturday clean with her 18mo old pottering alongside her and ‘helping’ her.

She was horrified when I described the weekend roster with 2 older fairly active sporty boys- playing taxi from 0900 till 1600 from club to club, match to match, swim training etc etc, other kids from village calling in to hangout etc. Plus vast quantities of extra laundry once kids are in uniforms, sports gear, twice weekly swimming kit etc.

Not complaining! It’s a lot of fun. But there is definitely something to be said for being at home and having the opportunity to stick in the extra load of washing/ hang it/ put away etc.

I got a cleaner as soon as it transpired I was not going to be home even on the days not at work. OMG that feeling, one day a week, when you come home and the cleaners have been 😍😍😍 which lasts for about an hour before it’s a shit tip again.

My house was undoubtedly cleaner and tidier when I was on mat leave and home all the time with kids. But I found the Groundhog Day nature of keeping on top of it extremely tedious and much more tiring than a day at work and ‘dropping my expectations of myself’ when it came to housework.

The parents saying their child creates a mess an hour in the morning and an hour after nursery. Add another 8 hours of mess-making opportunity and honestly it's like a bomb has gone off haha. I feel like atlas pushing the stone up the hill only for it to roll back down.
There's definitely more laundry, rubbish to take out, and dishes to be done. I used to have most of my meals in the office using their plates and their dishwasher, I'd only ever need to wash the big pan I'd cooked in and my tupperware went in the work dishwasher too.
And there does tend to be more messy play as you are constantly thinking of something new to do with them.
There's pros and cons of both and imo it's not a competition. Parenting is hard work for all of us. But the best things in life are hard work and I love my son more than life itself.
I am tempted to treat myself to a cleaner now and then though. Imagine taking DS out for the day and coming home to a nice shiny clean home. Does this mean I'm old now I dream of this over new shoes?!

I was a SAHM for 12 years and I'm going to be honest, I thought a bit like you at the time OP.

I'd 'list' things like wiping up food after the kids ate their lunch amongst other things, but I feel a bit embarrassed now looking back as it takes minutes doesn't it really?

Looking back I loved those days and wouldn't have swapped them for the world, but I got a bit lazy and the less I did, the less I wanted to do if I'm 100% honest.

I work better under pressure but when I was at home, there was no-one to put me under any.

Just enjoy your time at home, ignore others and what they do, and don't forget to make sure your husband pitches in during some of his time at home.

Surely you can do laundry with the kids in the house and awake? Unless you’re washing by hand?

you can put clothes in the machine and also fold and pile,laundry with kids around, it is not a task one needs to be left alone for?

I got a cleaner as soon as it transpired I was not going to be home even on the days not at work. OMG that feeling, one day a week, when you come home and the cleaners have been 😍😍😍 which lasts for about an hour before it’s a shit tip again.

This is what I'm craving! I only work part time so trying to use the fact I'm a single Mum and training for a new career as an excuse for one to come now and then.

I couldn't do proper cleaning with kids alongside. Not something like a thorough go at the bathrooms. Younger one is terrified of the hoover which doesn't help either.

The things I manage with them are basic food prep, loading and unloading dishwasher, wiping down surfaces. Maybe quickly sweeping up if there's a really urgent mess. Putting on washes and hanging them to dry. Often I'm being screamed at while doing some of this. My one-year-old is going through a phase of wanting to be held all the time, my three-year-old can sometimes do similar almost in competition with her. It's just honestly a lot.

It's not the same as having to get out of the house 5 mornings a week. I think I'd find that stressful, knowing how hard it can be to mobilise some days. But I'm quite enjoying doing some paid work 3 evenings a week, when I have a valid reason not to be thinking about or doing anything domestic.

People who slag off SAHPs by saying they are full time parents AND go out to work full time make me laugh. They didn’t actually experience that until they were juggling WFH and their kids during the lockdowns - and most complained about it.
Of course there is more work involved. Full time workers leave the mess for their childminders to clear up. One book before bed and making their kids tea doesn’t compare even slightly.

@BeGentlePeeps hmmm, maybe that's why I'm struggling and it feels neverending, it's probably the groundhog-day-ness of it all. Been stuck inside so much because of the weather. I suppose it's like when you stay at home when on holiday vs going away, you tend do to more because you're home 🤔

I'm saying that laundry is something I can do. Folding is a bit tricky with my kids as they are currently, I tend to do that in the evening. I can put loads on and hang them to fry though.

If you are a single mum and training, and can afford a couple of hours a couple of times a month, DO IT! You don’t need to justify it regardless but….

The smell of freshly washed floors and a shiny clean kitchen/ bathroom is now my absolute favourite perfume 😬

I’d give up any number of little luxuries for the high I get when I arrive home and our cleaner has been!

@ShellsPebbles People who slag off SAHPs by saying they are full time parents AND go out to work full time make me laugh. …. mess for their childminders to clear up. One book before bed and making their kids tea doesn’t compare even slightly.

I genuinely don’t know why people have to be like this?
Like really why be a dick?
You are literally complaining that working parents apparently don’t see the value in what sahps do and at the same exaggerating a so called lack of parenting and claiming the only thing working parents do for their kids in a week is read 1 book before bed and cook dinner.

Hope those little rants make you feel better about yourself love. Keep trying.

Right! I do get that kids can generate mess even just in the evening. But working parents went through hell on Earth during the pandemic when childcare was closed, especially those with pre-school age kids. Because it is actually extra work. The people looking after your kids during the day are working and so are the cleaners who come after the nursery closes.

I have done both. Working and having kids is definitely harder.

@ShellsPebbles clearly has no idea what being a working parent involves🙄

What a nasty, judgemental post. Childminders? What about those who have kids in nurseries - so the shit tip of a house is just waiting for them at 6pm. Also - one book before bed. Do you think working parents don't do crafting / trips out / play dates?
Do working parents not have bathrooms that need cleaning, floors to mop, gardens to mow, food shopping to be done or endless laundry?

On balance, I can believe it! I imagine it depends on a lot of individual factors as I've seen different people with experience of both say different things.

My only point is that you can't directly compare the housework load because small children generate a lot of mess. And every hour they're in a place they generate more mess.

I work FT and I agree with you OP, there's lots of extra food mess/toys to clean up/wet coats/mud at weekends here.

Plus I wfh some days so can do stuff at lunchtime.