Do people realise there's more housework if you're a SAHP?

[CantPreventSpring]

Just that. I'm not denying the difficulty of juggling work and home responsibilities, but I often see people on here say stuff like "I manage AND hold down a job, so how can you possibly be struggling?"

Being at home all day with small children creates mess. You can get odd things done, but you can't properly clean your house with toddlers and babies around. Especially if they're terrible nappers. I have to clean when the kids are asleep, the same as working parents, and everything is messier than it would be if nobody was home all day.

Now I'm also doing paid work after kids' bedtime the only possible option is having a cleaner. There's literally not time otherwise.

I'm not complaining about my lot in general. I think there's a lot that's harder about juggling nursery runs, commutes, appointments, kids sick days and so on if you are out of the house, but this particular point really bugs me.

i always acknowledged that mothers who work jobs have it much harder in every way, that’s just a fact.

it’s not a fact at all.

I work and have one in nursery and one at school. My life is a lot easier than it was when I was a SAHM, which was extremely intense.

YABU because both DH and I work full time. DH WFH every day and I am only in the office 4 days a week. I don’t know what point you are trying to make other than you are at home more? Many of us WFH and we are at home just as much if not more. We also have two school aged children and no external childcare.

@SnowAndFrostOutside not all sahps have school ages children that are out most of the day. Toddlers at home all day create a huge amount of mess ! Especially if there’s more than one of them.

so Presumably the husbands of all the SAHMs could manage easily then if there wasn’t a SAHP in the family. It would be a doddle for the men to finish work and then pick up all the housework as there would hardly be any for them to do?

@SnowAndFrostOutside you work from
home with no kids at home from 9-03:30 right?

When we're work from home without our toddlers at home, it's so easy to put a washing on, mop the floor in my lunch break etc.

WFH when kids in school most day + they're obviously older as in school, this cannot be compared to being at home all day with two young toddlers.

@EezyOozy i had done two lots of maternity leave. Once with a baby and a second time with toddler and baby. It’s much easier than working. There is no appraisals, no objectives to complete, no targets to meet, no one to tell you that you are doing a rubbish job and need to go on a performance improvement plan.

I remember spending a lot of time going out to groups and watching sky (first maternity) and Netflix (second maternity). It take an hour at most to clean the house,

Mine were looked after in my home when I was at work, so I came home to a mess.

There is no appraisals, no objectives to complete, no targets to meet, no one to tell you that you are doing a rubbish job and need to go on a performance improvement plan.

I disagree totally. I work now (my kids are 3 and 5) and I find it so much easier. (And I don’t have a particularly easy job).

and much less child related tidying to do in the evenings. (Although laundry etc are the same).

This. I was a SAHM until my youngest started school. The house was always clean and tidy, i don’t see the big deal. Tidy toys when they’ve finished with them, wash dishes as they’re used. It’s much harder being a working mum imo. Can’t Chuck clothes in the washer through the day or run a hoover round as the kids are eating lunch.

Also, screens (iPads and smart phones) weren’t a thing when mine were little. We certainly didn’t have them and they weren’t common, any way. We played with play dough, moon sand, paints. Went on walks and made collages from leaves sticks etc. made dens and tents in the living room. Baked and cooked.
so I don’t buy the argument that it’s easier because of screens either:

I hear you OP. For me it's the never ending cycle of snacks/meal times - crumbs everywhere, spillages, constant kitchen cleaning, stickers EVERYWHERE, playdough bits, greasy finger marks on every glass surface 😂
I have 2 mornings per week when they're both in nursery and it makes such a difference!

@Roundabout78 a lot of people work from home now, so yes they can!
@EezyOozy I couldn't agree more. Mine are 1&3 and working is so much easier and I work in a high pressure environment. My appraisal not once scared as me as I've always exceeded at what I do professionally. I have not always felt like this as mother, I felt like I failed so many more times than I did at work.

@gemloving working from home is a whole other ball game 😂 can’t comment because I’ve never done it.

What nonsense. How many hours a week do you have the cleaner for @CantPreventSpring

@Roundabout78 it's gives you time to do chores you wouldn't be able to otherwise + no commuting time!

My toddler can make as much mess at the end of my working day as he can if I was at home all day with him!

I definitely see the appeal 😊 sadly not possible with my job though

Regardless of how tidy the house is I would much rather worry that the kitchen table is slightly messy after lunch than wonder if the hundred thousand pound order going through is on track!
I found my maternity leave with a three year old and a baby at home a walk in the park compared to working.
Once I went back I had to follow a ridiculously strict routine to have them up and out of the door on time, and then picking them up at night was pretty much the same in reverse.
This may also come as a surprise to some sahp but working parents children also have hobbies (sorry to burst the bubble of the poster that thought we just read them a book at bedtime!) so it was often a case of get home, quick tea and off back out of the door again for a few hours.
Most working parents I know are burning the candle at both ends and trying to juggle being a good parent and a good employee. We don't even get a proper lunch break as we are usually running to the shop to pick up bits we have run out of etc.
I would have loved to have stayed at home and wiped the surfaces down a few more times a day than be at work.

the Biggest difference is the freedom of mind you have as a SAHP, I have done both.

There may be an extra meal to make in the day (lunch) or a bit of extra clearing up to do but you do it at your own pace and on your time. Having the space to wake up one morning and decide what you do or don’t want to do for the day is priceless. If you need something from the shop for dinner or coffee / lunch with a friend you go when you want to, no one and nothing is stopping you.

when you’re working you’re constantly on edge as you run two sets of responsibilities at once. Working out when you’ll get to a shop becomes a logistical dilemma - hence so many ppl use online (which involves much more planning ahead that you don’t have to do as a sahp). Are you going to have time to turn the games kit round for tomorrow or do you end up just buying two sets if everything in case?

I feel juggling the mental load and often conflicting responsibilities is far far harder as a working parent than a sahp, even if theres a bit less extra tidying up to do during the day.

That’s not really a good comparison though, how many working parents with young kids eat breakfast and dinner out of the house?
Children still need breakfast before school or nursery and dinner when they come home.
Most also make packed lunches for the adults and the school kids.

In all honesty Op this comes across that you are struggling.
When I was on ML I never did housework in the evenings-ever.
Start by cleaning/ dishwasher / washing early in the day and prep dinner so that Dcs had my full attention later .
Then clear up as we went along, wipe down after meals, toys away if we were going out.
By 7.30pm I was sitting down , that was my rule.
I've never ever on any forum or in RL heard SAHP called " lazy bitches"
Where is all the anger coming from?
Sometimes I wonder if they are angry at their DHs and just take it out on other women??

As a full time teacher, I spent lots of time at home in the school holidays and believe me, my stress levels were far higher in term time.
in the holidays I could do the laundry daily, hanging out washing instead of throwing it in the drier trying to do 4 loads in 1 day. I could make a nice meal daily as opposed to throwing something from the freezer in the oven. I could run round with a hoover whilst DD watcher Pingu as opposed to getting up early on a Saturday to hoover. I could clean the bathroom whilst DD was playing in the bath as opposed to trying to get her bathed and in bed at top speed so that I could mark 60 books before I flopped in bed exhausted.
So yes, YABU. Being a SAHM parent is FAR easier than working full time. It’s just a bit boring at times!

Having the freedom to do these sorts of things on Saturdays and Sundays is a dream to a working parent. We spend most of our weekend doing kids sports and catching up on housework / life admin from the week.

@Testng123 I make 3 meals a day when I’m working. Packed lunches for everyone. There is no way I would be able to get breakfast on the way to work.

Working parents still have to deal with all those things... Kids are still kids whether or not they go to nursery in the day time