Going back to your post @HobnobsChoice, you’re correct, not everyone is ADHD.
For your friend, taking on board that a medical diagnosis is validation for previously perceived ‘quirks’, there’s likely to be an element of grieving. Grief for the life thar could have been, had this neurological difference been identified earlier and appropriate support put in place. She is likely mourning/incredulous at her ‘what could have beens’, assessing her kids and so naturally is completing a checklist against everyone she knows or encounters.
Anyone who is diagnosed and is prescribed medication for the first time, actually gets to see how much easier life is with focus on those dreary mundane tasks (it now takes 8 mins to load the dishwasher v 3 hours procrastinating), their impulsive behaviour, such as interrupting is greatly improved, their focus on tedious, mind numbing tasks at work is amplified.
Again, experiencing life on meds, almost through an NT lens, is a revelation. For the person who hated chemistry, who knew that it’s now palatable. The person that’s up and down the stairs all day, looking for various items, is able to focus and make less trips, becoming less exhausted to produce the equivalent. This is life changing.
But it’s not the whole story as Executive function dysfunction plays a huge part in ADHD. This area of the brain is not fixed with meds, but an understanding of what’s different can help with learning and applying new skills and better strategies.
ADHD also rarely travels alone, for example ASD traits, previously masked by ADHD symptoms become apparent, leading to ASD diagnosis, the issues with maths that made you think you were useless, is actually dyscalclia. Perhaps sensory issues are identified such as bright lights, the noise of a ticking clock.
The upshot is not that Neurodivergent = broken, only that it’s different.
As someone else commented, we don’t live in an ND world, where the skill sets of ADHD are required for survival - think the instant reaction of spotting and killing dinner for your village, where there was a part for everyone. Now companies want everyone the same, they’ve created an exclusive NT culture, and differences are managed out - they don’t fit our culture, we don’t do reasonable adjustments.
(Some) companies are attempting to address this with their recruitment guarantees of interviews, apparently seeking disabled people, because they’ve realised that having everyone thinking the same, brings the same thoughts to the table.
The concept of ADHD previously conjured up naughty boys, climbing on chairs and jumping on tables. In the US, where artificial colours etc. are in all the fake foods, pretty much every child seems to be medicated. So there’s a bias in place for girls & women; they don’t jump on tables, they eat organic food free from colours, they’re not generally disruptive. Girls therefore fly under the radar. Girls are generally people pleasers, they continue to look to others to mask, they daydream, they chat too much, they get simple things wrong and life is harder for them. Their confidence is knocked, their self esteem is lower. Girls can be resilient, so they just pick themselves back up, thinking I must try harder, because that’s what they’ve always been told.
On brain scans, which aren’t used as part of the diagnosis, ADHD brains are different, so there’s no argument there. For an adult assessment, which have years long waiting lists, there are comprehensive questionnaires, requests for school reports, even memories of school and learning are taken into account, because they are so different to an NT person. The assessor, who must be qualified for the NHS to even consider taking on shared care, will go through, in great detail the answers to the past behaviours, and will also go into great depth for what’s going on in recent years and now. The assessor will also be assessing the delivery of this. An experienced ADHD consultant, with proper letters after their name, who can also prescribe ADHD medication, will quite literally know ADHD as soon as the patient opens there mouth.
Theres an interesting point made here about brain fog and menopause. This is because lower levels of estrogen exacerbate ADHD symptoms. Decades ago middle aged, menopause women were living on their nerves (anxiety), described as neurotic, didn’t leave the house or left home (mid life crisis) or literally hid under the stairs. We’ve moved on from there and yes, HRT will raise estrogen and at the correct dose, mental and physical symptoms will improve. But HRT doesn’t cure ADHD, although at the ADHD assessment, ‘are you taking HRT’ is frequently asked of women of a certain age. There’s a recommendation to follow this up with your regular GP.
It seems the consensus is that ‘everyone’ is throwing money for ADHD assessments and buying medication. This is an expensive business. At around £800 + for an assessment, upwards of £95 for ADHD meds per month + titration (£95 for each prescription and there are different doses, brands, combinations) and no guarantee of shared care + the list of side effects, why would anyone spend this huge amount of money and effort, just to be part of the ‘next new thing’? 😵💫