No not everyone has ADHD

[HobnobsChoice]

My sister in law has over the last few months come to the conclusion that she azxnd her child have ADHD. Which they might well do. Certainly my nephew has something going on. Fine, they get their diagnosis and support etc.
But since reading about ADHD she is now claiming almost everyone she knows has ADHD. Both of her parents, both of her exes, one of my kids, her colleague, her former neighbour.

All she talks about is ADHD, traits of ADHD, effects of ADHD. We literally can't have a cup of tea without it being discussed and her suggesting that Person A couldn't do DIY because they probably have ADHD or that person B can't lock a door because they have ADHD. She doesn't seem to realise that someone can just be crap at something without it being indicative od neurodiversity.
Am I being unreasonable to ask her to stop talking about it all the time and remind her that she is a civil servant and in no way qualified to making such sweeping generalisations. And that it's becoming quite frustrating and boring that we no longer talk about anything else. Or is her fixation on this a sign that she probably does have ADHD and she cannot help it.
(To not be accused of drip feeding.She's in her late 30s, a single parent in a responsible role and never had any difficulties at school or university or home which would typically suggest ADHD according to her parents and my husband (her brother). I am aware of masking but they genuinely cannot remember her ever struggling either socially or academically. She's always been employed in either voluntary or public sector and done well in her jobs.)

ADHD is neurodevelopmental and symptoms have to be present before age 12 for a diagnosis. But the symptoms before age 12 only need can be subclinical…as in not severe enough to have been diagnosed as ADHD when a child. So the whole idea that you have to have significantly struggled as a child in order to have ADHD as an adult isn’t correct.

A few years ago, it was the online 'trend' to diagnose yourself with 'Anxiety'. Queue anyone who ever felt nervous, shy, overwhelmed or stressed stating that they 'suffered with anxiety'. My MiL genuinely did have anxiety and it was debilitating. And totally different from just not liking crowds or getting nervous!

ADHD in particular is the new thing doing the rounds.

I agree with this and there's a lot of research coming through that supports your thinking.

@kingsleysbootlicker that's actually incorrect. Many years ago it was thought that the way you reacted to medication was proof of adhd in that those with adhd would see an improvement in symptoms once medicated. Those without adhd would become hyperactive if they took medication.

This has been shown to be untrue. In fact most people react in the same way hence why some students use adhd medication as a study aid.

My son is autistic. He’s what would be considering high functioning as he’s verbal and doesn’t have any learning difficulties but he’s severe enough that he’s been in specialist school since year 4. I don’t know if he’ll ever be able to work, I’d like him to but realistically he’s at a school with very high adult ratios, they work on life skills but I just can’t see him ever being able to hold down a job as things stand. My worry is that because a lot of successful people are now being diagnosed any little support thst may have been there will be taken away, so pip for example won’t be available as “people with autism can work”. In our area all children with ehcps used to be assessed by adult services on transition for support needs but this is now being cut back and they are only assessing the most complex cases as there are apparently too many ehcps. From reading online diagnostic things I am most probably autistic myself but I can’t see the point in seeking a diagnosis as it wouldn’t change anything other than in my own head, I went through mainstream school and have a job I don’t need a diagnosis.

Yanbu

As a parent of dc formally diagnosed with it it pisses me off so much that my friend claims to have and plasters it all over facebook constantly.

She knows our struggles, meds, full time 1 to 1 at school etc...I havent had unbroken sleep in over 10 years but still claims to all she has it despite not displaying any symptoms at all.

Its trendy and incredibly offensive.

She's hyperfocusing. I definitely did it when I first got diagnosed!

It's such a revelation, I had struggled my entire life and wondered what the hell was wrong with me. To find that I'm not actually broken, a useless person, lazy etc and I can be much more functional when I work with my brain rather than against it was life changing.

Of course when you have an experience like that it makes you feel a bit evangelical., You want to reach everyone who might possibly be feeling like this. Imagine if I'd known this when I was 14! I might have got to go to uni. I might have had the glittering career everyone spoke about, instead of being in my thirties and only ever having worked part time in student type jobs. I might not have got pregnant at 19, etc.

The flip side of that is that on the other hand, maybe I wouldn't have done all of those things anyway. Everybody on the planet has some regrets, things they were supposed to do but never did and so on. I think it can sometimes be a tempting narrative to say that there's a reason that you never had the perfect life.

But diagnosis made a difference to me anyway. Before diagnosis I would cry almost every day because I was trying my hardest (although it didn't look it from the outside) and didn't understand why it never worked. I put the emotional stuff down to puberty, relationship stress, motherhood. But coming through all those phases it never got any easier. Since diagnosis I rarely ever cry, because it makes sense now.

@Onnabugeisha

Unbelievable? No, your response is unbelievable. Victim blaming at its finest. Whether or not my family member disclosed her sexual abuse or not until old age had nothing to do with her lifetime mistreatment and various labels within psychiatric services. It was not her fault she did not disclose her sexual abuse. She was a devout Catholic at the time and incredibly ill. Long inpatient stays trying to get her psychosis under control etc and many, many different labels.

Do you think everyone discloses their childhood trauma to the “professionals”…. Oh sorry doctor I forgot to tell you I was raped repeatedly as a child will that help you?…. Don’t you think it’s up to the “professionals” to have an “idea” that they’re looking at some sort of undisclosed trauma? Thankfully the tide does seem to be turning now into a more trauma informed model. No her problem was not in her brain, it was in her life. Hence she improved drastically after she finally felt brave enough to release her shame.

Now of course this does not mean those currently diagnosed with ADHD have had anything of the sort in terms of trauma, however there is so much diagnostic overlap in terms of conditions (and new ones added time and time again) that yes I do think the whole thing is a farce.

Depression for example can cause monumental problems with attention, focus and motivation. Problem is we haven’t yet found the “cure” and quick fix that society so desperately wants for this “problem”. When in actual fact it requires hard work to recover on the part of the individual. Pills can only do so much. Perhaps ADHD is the “problem” now, can it be fixed? What are the meds?….. I mean it all sounds rather “familiar”.

I believe that there are people in society with neurodevelopmental conditions such as autism and ADHD but I absolutely don’t believe the current numbers that are saturated (and will continue to rise in society). That is my opinion, it is most certainly not unbelievable. That is just you, victim blaming.

I think I'll hide this thread, it's quite depressing.

As far as "developing" ADHD as an adult. That's not how it works. Lots of women were not diagnosed with ADHD as children because the symptoms in girls look different from the symptoms in boys. They have more inattentive symptoms than hyperactive. Most of us didn't do as well as we could have at school, we kind of bumbled through where we could. Sometimes happening on a coping strategy accidentally. I had "significant" issues as a child it's just that nobody knew why. Report cards read "doesn't pay attention" "daydreams a lot" "needs to apply herself". I know because I had to get them from my mum to assist my diagnosis. If a qualified psychologist thinks I have ADHD then I'd be inclined to agree. That diagnosis was not easy to get for anyone thinking they're handing them out like sweets.

Evidence/studied please - as per my other reply

Who is this aimed at? I don't have premium but after scrolling through over 100 replies I can't figure out what evidence you're after.

Sorry the above was supposed to be in response to @Onnabugeisha and by studies/evidence I mean ones that are actually reputable.

If you read the abstract or delve deeper you will see that this extremely rare case was 'diagnosed' using scales to identify the presence of symptoms similar to ADHD, and she responded to stimulants. That is not a complete diagnosis of ADHD as it requires psychological history and childhood evidence. I would be hesitant to say that these behaviours were most likely - shockingly - due to changes in her brain caused by the trauma which present similarly.

That's like me going to the doctor with weight loss, bloating and blood in my stool and being diagnosed with cancer without an MRI. Or having a low mood and being uninterested in my hobbies due to a recent breakup and being diagnosed with lifelong depression.

Sorry my bad. This was in reply to @Onnabugeisha about late development of ADHD, who I see has now provided studies but the majority are flawed and later studies have shown this.

Lots of these studies go:

"Look, here's someone who we've diagnosed with ADHD who didn't have it as a child, using methodology that doesn't consider how they behaved as a child. We can confirm that they have a neurological disorder, but we diagnosed this with a questionnaire and have no idea what their brain looks like"

Agreed. It’s been fun coming on here and seeing just how many people see ADHD and autism as just trendy TikTok things and how our needs and struggles don’t count if we’re “high functioning” on the outside and have jobs. As if most of us who have one or both of these diagnoses haven’t heard that all before through our journey. Some of the responses are disgusting, ill educated and ill informed. All it needs is for the OP to gently tell her friend she’s going a bit OTT with the ADHD content and could they talk about something else. There’s no need for the level of ableism I’ve seen here.

I think I'll hide this thread, it's quite depressing.

I agree.

It's bad enough to see posters claiming that people they know couldn't possibly have ADHD because they have no symptoms, but some diagnosed posters are saying similar as if their manifestation of ADHD is the only one. Nobody knows another person's difficulties. Nobody. I say this from experience as I have hidden so much. People might see me as a bit drifty, scatty, lazy, disengaged - but that is the absolute tip of the iceberg. That is me holding it together on the surface while my brain is spinning out of control almost all of the time. Believe me, nobody knows a hundredth of it.

Someone made a good point further to the thread? I wonder at what point it just becomes a variation of “normal”.

Theres always been labels in society, but more so now. Introverted/extroverted for example.

Take “masking” for example. I’m pretty exhausted after a full on day with people at work but that’s because I’m introverted. I mean it is an effort to even talk by the end of the day but I still don’t see this as abnormal.

Nobody knows another person's difficulties.

Thats part of the issue, everyone in life has difficulties or suboptimal personality traits which make life harder for them - whether it’s disorganisation, finding meeting new people hard, clumsiness, being generally boring, or whatever. I simply disagree that because you have certain traits it warrants a diagnosis and makes you ‘disabled’. Because it doesn’t affect your pain levels, communication, mobility, movement etc. People can use whatever strategies they want to make their own lives easier, isn’t that the answer?

Absolutely, it isn’t abnormal. But in conjunction with perhaps one other ‘sign’ in certain everyone would be suggesting an ASD diagnosis. I’m extroverted, disorganised and forgetful. I don’t see myself as ‘disabled’ (I’m physically disabled so maybe that’s why - my personality ‘issues’ are nothing compared to my physical ones). I just ensure I run my life in such a way that those traits don’t muck it up - it’s been an effort but I’ve got a good routine, good diary keeping, worked on communication with DH to make sure tasks aren’t forgotten etc.

@Cuppasoupmonster

I agree. I’ve worked in special schools and they are quite clearly autistic. They’re mainly non verbal even in adolescence. I mean it wouldn’t even take a professional to know that they are quite clearly autistic with their communication difficulties etc.

Working 5 days out of the home with people led me to severe burnout. I had to take on another job that has now enabled me to work from home 50 percent of the time. We all have our own strategies to get through life. I am very introverted and yes it probably does feel like I have to pretend to get through the day in terms of my communication with others, but I really don’t think that’s abnormal. Many people are the same.

Oh, we cross posted. Yes I agree with you.

It's really frustrating. But it - unfortunately - comes in trends. 10 years ago everyone was saying they had OCD because they liked things neat, ignoring the debilitating experience of actually having OCD. Then everyone pathologised normal fears or variations on levels of social extraversion as anxiety. Then everyone had autism because they had a favourite spoon to eat cereal with, then teenagers on Tiktok all had dissociative identity disorder. Now it's ADHD.

It happens. Amid these swells of mis(self)diagnoses is still increased awareness and that does have a positive impact for those who actually do suffer from conditions previously less talked about or less well understood. In the rise of ADHD chatter online there will be people who finally understand why they are the way they are, and will seek help for it. That's a good thing.

(And, yes, there are also countless videos naming perfectly normal personality traits as ADHD when they are missing the real, life impacting toll it can take.)

Like I said, it's frustrating, but I think - as with all the other things people have decided they have over the years - it'll fade away eventually to be replaced by something else.

People follow trends, and they seek being understood, and they seek community. When someone tells you so confidently that if you do XYZ that you have [insert condition here] it can feel like something you're part of, and I think people gravitate toward that.

ADHD in particular is the new thing doing the rounds

For many, the diagnosis is actually 'overstimulated'. Constant activity, constantly on phone or tablet, constant noise, TV for kids in the background, music loud, etc....

It's no surprise so many feel hyper!

I can see what you mean when you compare the 'trend' for self diagnosing with OCD @housemaus. I had OCD in my teens and it was indescribable. My life became so limited and it happened almost by stealth. If only it had just been a desire to keep my books in alphabetical order or line my pencils up! My 10yo now has a diagnosis of OCD and it has taken over the lives of everyone in our household. It is frustrating when people show up on social media quacking on about how OCD they are. And, fair enough, while being a very strong advocate for those who mask and keep things hidden with regard to ADHD, I can see how picking out a couple of traits and telling people it could be a sign of ADHD, could minimise the real struggle that many people face every day.

She'sher late 30s, a single parent in a responsible role and never had any difficulties at school or university or home which would typically suggest ADHD according to her parents and my husband (her brother).

People can have ADHD or ADD and still manage those things. If you read more about the condition, you’ll find out that (1) it’s a spectrum, with some people higher up the spectrum displaying more symptoms characteristic of the condition, and people lower on the spectrum displaying less symptoms. (2) Even people who have it and haven’t been diagnosed may have unknowingly developed coping mechanism or unknowingly adopted coping strategies that have helped them manage the condition (e.g. they may have adopted time management or making lists of daily tasks to help them remember, or found ways of minimising distractions. People who can’t cope, and go undiagnosed, often suffer from anxiety, which left untreated, develops into depression.

People who’ve been diagnosed with ADD or ADHD later on in life (still quite a relatively new thing because up until now medical professionals and school focused solely on children) might come across as obsessed with the topic because — having suffered with it for so long and not understood what may be wrong with them — they now feel exhilarated by the discovery: suddenly a lot of disparate and frustrating experiences fall in place and make sense. She’ll stop talking about so much once the novelty of the discovery wares off.

This! 👆🏼