Page 7 | AIBU to think my DD's teacher was inappropriate?

picklesandicecream · 2023-01-15T14:45:03+00:00

Idk what exactly to think of this... my 14 year old DD came home from school the other day absolutely fuming. When questioned on what happened, she told me that her (male) teacher had been really sexist and unfair. She said that when she offered to help carry something to another classroom, she was told to sit down and let one of the boys do it. She then told the teacher that she was perfectly capable and happy to help, but he stuck to his guns and asked one of the boys to carry the box to the other classroom. DD and her friends were outraged and spent the rest of the lesson talking loudly about modern day misogyny and the influence Andrew Tate has on vulnerable men and teenage boys.

LolaSmiles · 15/01/2023 17:25

DMLady
In my experience there's an interesting correlation between students who make a huge fuss if a peer is chosen to run an errand out the classroom (it's so unfair, why can't I go, I'll do it miss, let me go... (15 minutes later) I can't believe she chose and Amy and not me, that's favouritism that is. Can you believe that I only tried to help) and the students who I wouldn't choose to run an errand.

A student who spends the rest of the lesson disrupting other people's learning is not a student demonstrating an attitude or behaviour that would make me want to select them to leave class.

findmybalance · 15/01/2023 17:28

NumberTheory · 15/01/2023 16:26

In what way? I’m assuming, since it’s on this thread, that ComedyCook intends her story to indicate it’s okay for the teacher to pick a boy because, biologically, 14 year old boys in general are stronger than 14 year old girls so it’s not sexist for him to do so and to tell girls. I pointed out that we weren’t talking about something the Dd was incapable of carrying. So it didn’t apply.

I went on to point out that even where a task would test the difference between the sexes there’s a strong argument, in a school, for teachers not to let that dictate which sex gets asked to complete the task - because of the implications for working life.

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But this is the whole point.

There are numerous reasons why dd wasnt picked, some.of them demonstrated by OPs own tale.(zero to do with sex).

Since you mention working life I suggest next time your boss asks a man to do a job you quite fancied that you shout over him.about irrelevant nonsense at a meeting. See how that goes.

findmybalance · 15/01/2023 17:29

LolaSmiles · 15/01/2023 17:25

DMLady
In my experience there's an interesting correlation between students who make a huge fuss if a peer is chosen to run an errand out the classroom (it's so unfair, why can't I go, I'll do it miss, let me go... (15 minutes later) I can't believe she chose and Amy and not me, that's favouritism that is. Can you believe that I only tried to help) and the students who I wouldn't choose to run an errand.

A student who spends the rest of the lesson disrupting other people's learning is not a student demonstrating an attitude or behaviour that would make me want to select them to leave class.

This.

Ive worked in schools for years and if I had a pound for every time I was accused of being sexist or keeping favourites because someone didnt get their way I wouldn't need to.

Silverbook · 15/01/2023 17:29

Speaking as teacher if wonder if there was more to this story. Had the boy already been selected for reasons unknown to your daughter?
Her reaction is quite immature and disrespectful given she’s not in full knowledge of the decision making process of the teacher.

NumberTheory · 15/01/2023 17:40

findmybalance · 15/01/2023 17:28

But this is the whole point.

There are numerous reasons why dd wasnt picked, some.of them demonstrated by OPs own tale.(zero to do with sex).

Since you mention working life I suggest next time your boss asks a man to do a job you quite fancied that you shout over him.about irrelevant nonsense at a meeting. See how that goes.

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You were commenting on my response to ComedyCook, who was using her DS’s ability to lift more than her as a defence for the teacher’s actions. I was pointing out why I think it wasn’t. In this particular exchange, whether or not there may have been other reasons for the teacher’s choice is irrelevant.

WeeWillyWinkie9 · 15/01/2023 17:48

I had something similar at school when I was moving a grand piano. A male teacher came in and said looks like you need the help of a male there ladies.
I said to him "Well can you go and get one then please sir there are none around here." His face was priceless. She needs a few stored in the bank.

Greatly · 15/01/2023 17:50

harrassedmumto3 · 15/01/2023 14:55

God, the world has gone mad.

My thoughts exactly.

Whatmarbles · 15/01/2023 17:52

I worked with a teacher on maternity cover who was like this.
I reported him numerous times but the things he said were so outrageous nobody believed me.
He's moved onto a school in Yorkshire. I am sure they have had a rude awakening!!

elfd · 15/01/2023 17:52

I wouldn't judge the teacher on this one instance and without both sides of the story. It's easy to jump to the wrong conclusion. I've been in similar situations with my children and your immediate reaction is to protect your children and stick up for them but eventually different facts come out and I've been so relieved that I didn't go in. I know it's not always like that but proceed with caution, especially with dramatic teenagers.

Crabo · 15/01/2023 17:56

WeeWillyWinkie9 · 15/01/2023 17:48

I had something similar at school when I was moving a grand piano. A male teacher came in and said looks like you need the help of a male there ladies.
I said to him "Well can you go and get one then please sir there are none around here." His face was priceless. She needs a few stored in the bank.

I would’ve thought that is just a rude comment to somebody trying to help. Why are you so insecure that you are so touchy about it? Men are generally stronger than women

motherhubbard12 · 15/01/2023 17:58

harrassedmumto3 · 15/01/2023 14:55

God, the world has gone mad.

Utterly utterly mad

WeeWillyWinkie9 · 15/01/2023 17:58

Crabo · 15/01/2023 17:56

I would’ve thought that is just a rude comment to somebody trying to help. Why are you so insecure that you are so touchy about it? Men are generally stronger than women

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He wasn't trying to help at all. He was trying to put us down. We were managing just fine. It was our daily job that we did to prepare for assembly each and every day. We didn't need anyone stronger, the piano was large but easy to move. Why did he have to offer when he saw us managing well? He did so to put us down. That is why.

LolaSmiles · 15/01/2023 17:58

I would’ve thought that is just a rude comment to somebody trying to help.
Why are you so insecure that you are so touchy about it? Men are generally stronger than women
It was a rude reply to an unnecessary comment.

He could have said "would you like some help?" and I would imagine they'd have said "yes please".

findmybalance · 15/01/2023 18:05

NumberTheory · 15/01/2023 17:40

You were commenting on my response to ComedyCook, who was using her DS’s ability to lift more than her as a defence for the teacher’s actions. I was pointing out why I think it wasn’t. In this particular exchange, whether or not there may have been other reasons for the teacher’s choice is irrelevant.

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Whoops
Apologies.

Totally misread

keepareaclean · 15/01/2023 18:07

WeeWillyWinkie9 · 15/01/2023 17:48

I had something similar at school when I was moving a grand piano. A male teacher came in and said looks like you need the help of a male there ladies.
I said to him "Well can you go and get one then please sir there are none around here." His face was priceless. She needs a few stored in the bank.

How is this similar?

VincaBlue · 15/01/2023 18:08

I feel for any kids who were hoping to learn something in the lesson with your daughter drowning the teacher out.

WeeWillyWinkie9 · 15/01/2023 18:33

keepareaclean · 15/01/2023 18:07

How is this similar?

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A male teacher telling a female child they are not strong enough. Is that simple enough for you to understand now?

bellac11 · 15/01/2023 18:37

WeeWillyWinkie9 · 15/01/2023 18:33

A male teacher telling a female child they are not strong enough. Is that simple enough for you to understand now?

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Where in the OP does it say this happened?

toocold54 · 15/01/2023 18:40

A student who spends the rest of the lesson disrupting other people's learning is not a student demonstrating an attitude or behaviour that would make me want to select them to leave class.

Exactly!

It’s no wonder she wasn’t chosen as she sounds extremely rude and entitled!

There are also several reasons why the teacher may have chosen this boy - he boy could have needed to go somewhere without the entire class knowing, he may needed to have been spoke to about something, he could have needed a movement break, he could have been messing about or he could have just been stronger - none of which is sexist and your DD needs to learn to jeri her ridiculous accusations to herself.

keepareaclean · 15/01/2023 18:41

@WeeWillyWinkie9

A male teacher telling a female child they are not strong enough. Is that simple enough for you to understand now?

There is absolutely nothing in the OP to confirm this. No need to be rude, you are the one adding things on to an incomplete story.

LadyKenya · 15/01/2023 18:47

KitBumbleB · 15/01/2023 15:12

No bloody wonder teachers are quitting...

I quit teaching and its the best thing I ever did for my mental health

Sad. The amount that they have to deal with, and that is not even including entitled parents.

DMLady · 15/01/2023 18:55

keepareaclean · 15/01/2023 17:21

What do you think was appalling?

You have absolutely no idea why OPDD was told no and a boy was sent. None.

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And like you, @keepareaclean, I’m entitled to an opinion! I’ve not said you can’t hold yours, so don’t really understand why you have an issue with me holding mine. Each to their own and all that. (And I say that as a former teacher!)

cansu · 15/01/2023 19:00

Sounds like she is more interested in causing a fuss about nothing than getting on with her work. He may well have already asked some students to help. Your dd sounds less like she wanted to help and more like she was looking for an issue which is probably why she was told to sit down.

Tomselleckhaskindeyes · 15/01/2023 19:06

It's not a hill to die on tbh. I am a feminist as well. (with a bad back so rely on my husband and son to do the heavy lifting.)

keepareaclean · 15/01/2023 19:14

And like you, @keepareaclean, I’m entitled to an opinion! I’ve not said you can’t hold yours, so don’t really understand why you have an issue with me holding mine. Each to their own and all that. (And I say that as a former teacher!)

I just asked what you found appalling? Didn't say you can't have an opinion, it's a discussion, that's all.