To despair at the NHS re hospital scan

[Jessandtess]

This is part AIBU part desperate plea for advice.

i am currently 37 weeks pregnant and having a c-section in 13 days time. Im having regular growth scans and need one before the section goes ahead, which my consultant has insisted on. And he needs it done before our pre op appt late next week.

I’ve had childcare fall through for DD18 months so can no longer make my planned 38 week scan date, I’ve called to rearrange and been told scans are like gold dust and they can’t offer me a different date until the 2nd of March! Which is a teeny bit late.

I’ve asked if they can wave the no children coming with you rule since I need the scan, it’s not really a case of being able to just cancel and leave it. But alas the reply I got from the lady at the hospital was ‘well you’re just going to have to figure something out, you can’t not have the scan and we can’t get a different date’

DH is currently in hospital and will be for the next week at least (had a mini stroke) my mum was due to have DD but has had to cancel, I have no one else to take her and local childcare options are slim to none (and need more notice than I can give)

AIBU to wonder how on earth there is no wiggle room for such situations re taking a child into a scan, or to not quite believe there aren’t appts held back for emergencies, I had to go to maternity triage a couple of months ago and had a scan performed within 20 mins, not in the formal scan rooms but an ultrasound was conducted and they could see and measure all the same shit. I’m just a bit confused at the response being ‘well you have to come for the scan so figure something out’ response, and it was said like that (the lady was quite curt)

Onto the advice, what would you do in this situation? I’m genuinely flummoxed.

What provision have you made for your delivery etc? Can’t you use that? Couldn’t a friend go with you and just watch your daughter in the waiting room?

Well unless she goes into labour during her scan she'ää be OK as that is the only time her mum isn't available!

@Jessandtess Not read whole thread, but when I had an early miscarriage and they had to take bloods every two days to check I was miscarrying, there was a strict no child policy as well. I just turned up with my toddler! Didn't turn me away! In fact they got an extra nurse to entertain DS! I kept having to go every two days for two weeks - had to take older child as well on the last appointment!

No you’re not being unreasonable and first hand experience of receptionist in NHS outpatients departments would prompt me to ask to speak to the curt ones manager - these are people who seem to forget that the public pay their wages. I don’t believe for a minute the couldn’t accommodate a change for you - even by calling another patient asking if they could swap the date. This would be a bit much like hard work right enough and from my first hand experience many of them are very shy of this.

I’d do that first, even just to complain about her attitude, and failing everything else I would do what someone else suggested, take your child, explain the very unfortunate situation that you’re in, and if they refuse to scan you get them to put it on your notes. I can’t imagine them refusing.

And good luck, sorry to hear about this stressful situation made a whole lot worse by the NHS admin.

Don’t do this. I was at a midwife appt last year and a lady brought her seven year old who was so quiet and they wouldn’t see her. She was screaming about how it was an emergency appt and they needed to see her but they refused without childcare. Eventually security came but I had to leave for my appt.

What about contacting your consultants secretary? Explain the situation and see if they can offer you an option?

Personally, if you think your daughter would sit quietly in the corner of the scan room with a snack or toy/phone (my daughter would have at 18 months, son wouldn't) then just take her. I know plenty of friends who've taken kids to scans and staff haven't batted an eyelid! She told you to sort it, you've tried and that is the solution 🤷‍♀️

I think this thread highlights the issues with modern life.
Not long ago you would find an auntie/uncle/cousin or a distant cousin/a kind neighbour willing to do anything to help out and step because that’s what families and friends for each other. We never had to be in a position of need when most vulnerable like this. People had more time to physically before there for their family member because naturally less women were in the workforce and being productive (which is also a good thing on the other hand).
We have moved away from the nuclear family bond, moved away from
our home towns, the families are less traditional than they were and therefore the support structure is gone as evident in this thread. We have slowly become cold and uncaring and blaming the OP for being hard work and blaming her as if the whole thing is her own fault.
what a sad sad sad world we live in.
OP hope you have found a solution. X

Most people are so used to having childcare on tap that they don’t understand your predicament. I would just go and take your 18 month old along in a pushchair. I’m sure I’ve done that in the past and it wasn’t an issue. Not everyone is lucky to have childcare available at all times. I lived away from my family and like you my friends needed to do the school run and did not live close as we lived in the middle of nowhere.

I am sorry you are having such a hard time. I think the receptionist said no because they will hear all the time that women need to rearrange appointments because of childcare, it will not be an unusual request, and on most occasions childcare is arranged instead.

This seems the best advice x

You have no choice but to take your child, just take them along. To those asking why your dm can’t babysit, my dm recently passed away prior to babysitting dn for my dsis’s scan. Her dh works away, she had no choice but to take her dc. Things happen and people should be understanding and have a bit of compassion. Yanbu.

They can’t rebook it…we’ve already established this…

Sorry to skim read so please ignore it this has been suggested 20 times. I manage hospital services, efforts should be made to make sure you can access care (your scan) - particularly given your DH is in hospital. So sorry you’re getting the ‘computer says no’ response. Please call PALS tomorrow morning, explain the situation and the outcome you would like (scan moving or your child to go with you in pram). They should be able to help you. If you can’t get through to them, then call and ask for the matron overseeing obstetric ultrasound (or any matron who should help or be able to redirect you)

Just take your child with you, it’s not unreasonable at all. whilst you wouldn’t want everyone doing it, you need to at rhisntime
and i’m sure they will oblige.

Take your child with you and go to the scan. If the issue had happened that morning you wouldn’t have been able to even give them notice. scans don’t take that long, it’s not like it’s gonna be a huge upheaval for everyone.
I imagine when presented with the situation the staff will be kinder than the people you spoke to on the phone.
you clearly have enough going on and I’m surprised by the lack of empathy in other replies here. Xxx

OP explained way back in the thread that her mum was having her DD for the delivery. It is only this one day that Op's mum has to go to court.

You'd be amazed at who can help in these situations. If she could be pushed in a pram then someone may be happy to push her on a school run. There will be some friend who can help. Ask on social media or at playgroup if needs be. Have you not met other Mums at baby groups or NCT?

Hi OP,
I can understand how stressful finding childcare is but as a sonographer I can absolutely explain why it’s important that there are no children allowed in especially toddlers, our ultrasound machines are very pretty, they have lots of buttons, they glow in the dark, most kids would LOVE to touch it, unfortunately these machines also have an extremely high voltage, quite often before our trust enforced the no children rule many toddlers who by the way never seemed particularly interested in seeing their sibling on screen bar the first 20 secs would inevitably try and make their way behind the backs of our machines thus endangering themselves hugely and making our jobs extremely stressful! Checking a fetus is healthy and looking for subtle issues is difficult but can make a huge impact on both the fetus’ and their families lives - sometimes literally life and death issues - a fetal heart at 20 weeks is the size of a thumbnail, and we’re trying to look at the tiny valves, vessels etc whilst it’s moving. Now try and imagine trying to concentrate whilst there’s a child crying or shouting or watching a very loud device playing pepper pig. Our concentration is vitally important. For those saying “just turn up with your kid and see what they’d do?” - our trust cancels your appointment, we have a rule and we stick to it because of the above reasons. As for changing the appointment - it’s not easy to always just schedule an appointment, slots are difficult to find and you’re already rapidly getting to a stage in your pregnancy when ultrasound is limited due to the size of the fetus. We don’t scan past 38 weeks as part of our guidelines at our trust as the information we can gather past then is not as accurate. Do you know why your consultant needs you scanned? As for the handheld scan machines - they’re limited in the information they can gather, they’re usually only used to check for a heartbeat or position the fetus is in as an emergency not for a full growth and well-being assessment.

For the half hour a scan takes? I would pay someone off sitters to watch her.

She won't be happy, might cry etc. It is only short, she will get over it quickly and you need the scan

When would they rebook it for? Since they have said they can't rebook it. Isn't that the whole problem?

Yeah, I had a similar situation with my childcare when I was pregnant with my younger one, except my childcare fell through right at the last minute (as in a couple of hours before). There were very clear instructions on the booking letter that children weren’t allowed.

I rang up the department and explained and they told me to attend the appointment with my child. When I got there I apologised for bringing my child and the sonographer said the most important thing was that I received my care.

They obviously don’t want people treating scans like a family spectator sport but they also don’t want patients missing out on vital care (let’s face it - that could cost a lot more in the long run).

Contact PALS & see if they have a Chaplin or candy striper type volunteer available at n the day who can watch DD for the 20mins while you are in the scan.
Your situation is one with a few complications occurring to throw spanners in the works so a bit of compassion & support is needed.
Unless your DD will sit still & quiet for the whole scan, as the scan is a very important one, I doubt taking her in is going to happen.
Also have a mooch through your friends list on Facebook & wrack your brains to see if you can come up with a name of a local friend or acquaintance you think you could rely on to help in this emergency situation.
Have you met a mum at baby group or similar event that you think would be nice enough to help another mum out in a bind?

I am that mum in my friend group.
I provide free emergency childcare & wrap around after school care or drop offs for some mum friends as & when needed. We do know each other but for two of the mums we can go weeks or months without seeing or speaking to each other. Where as the other I speak to most days as our kids are in the same class.
I’d be there for any other mum in my area who needed help too.

Good luck & hope you get some help.

@ExtraOnions i was going to say exactly the same

The NHS rules are actually are to avoid bringing children UNLESS absolutely necessary so I'd ring and let them know you don't have child care and therefore as you can't rearrange you'll have to bring child.

I don't think anyone is listening to you!