To despair at the NHS re hospital scan

[Jessandtess]

This is part AIBU part desperate plea for advice.

i am currently 37 weeks pregnant and having a c-section in 13 days time. Im having regular growth scans and need one before the section goes ahead, which my consultant has insisted on. And he needs it done before our pre op appt late next week.

I’ve had childcare fall through for DD18 months so can no longer make my planned 38 week scan date, I’ve called to rearrange and been told scans are like gold dust and they can’t offer me a different date until the 2nd of March! Which is a teeny bit late.

I’ve asked if they can wave the no children coming with you rule since I need the scan, it’s not really a case of being able to just cancel and leave it. But alas the reply I got from the lady at the hospital was ‘well you’re just going to have to figure something out, you can’t not have the scan and we can’t get a different date’

DH is currently in hospital and will be for the next week at least (had a mini stroke) my mum was due to have DD but has had to cancel, I have no one else to take her and local childcare options are slim to none (and need more notice than I can give)

AIBU to wonder how on earth there is no wiggle room for such situations re taking a child into a scan, or to not quite believe there aren’t appts held back for emergencies, I had to go to maternity triage a couple of months ago and had a scan performed within 20 mins, not in the formal scan rooms but an ultrasound was conducted and they could see and measure all the same shit. I’m just a bit confused at the response being ‘well you have to come for the scan so figure something out’ response, and it was said like that (the lady was quite curt)

Onto the advice, what would you do in this situation? I’m genuinely flummoxed.

What the actual fuck are you talking about?

By your logic all maternity care is unnecessary then because it was, by your ignorant assumption, the woman’s initial choice to get pregnant. Too bad for all the women with preeclampsia, septic miscarriage, cord prolapse…treatment isn’t ‘necessary’ because it was their choice to get pregnant!

Beyond that I don’t understand the kind of person who would read a thread about a woman dealing with a complicated pregnancy and a husband who’s just had a stroke and thought this was the comment they would leave. So disgusting.

As a slight aside, for all the 'who would possibly do that shock horror people' , coincidentally a teenage girl posted on our local fb page last night 'hi, I'm x, I'm 17 and available for babysitting. £5 an hour' . When I looked the post had been up there one hour, - 37 yes pleases, sone with child details and many were toddlers. But, sure, no one does.

But won't most 17 year old be in school in the middle of the afternoon ? Babysitting a sleeping child in the evening is totally different to minding an 18 month old in the day. Who would leave their young toddler with a stranger? This thread is bonkers! Take the DC to the scan under these circumstances...They will work something out for you OP.

Yes. People make poor decisions and put their children at risk every day.
It doesn’t mean we should encourage it on here.

Hi OP I'm a sonographer. Im sure things differ in hospitals but at my hospital we would definitely make an exception for you. I would say however this would be much much better if you contact a manager or senior person in advance so that it happens with as little fuss as possible on the day as you are likely to be 'questioned' on it.

We absolutely do send people home with another appointment if they turn up with a child. There are good reasons for not having children in scan rooms. The majority of 'rules'(I won't say all lol) are for good reason and in the majority of circumstances are necessary for optimal patient care for most patients.

However in the case of a heavily pregnant woman, whose husband has had a stroke, with a new baby on the way, and what I imagine a huge amount of stress going on right now, we would certainly make an exception for you. And if your child was having a 'moment' which made it difficult to scan you, we would find an HCA to help or would give you a minute to settle them and carry on.

I hope you get this sorted and I hope your OH makes a full good recovery. You must be hugely stressed.

This has gone crazy now - the nhs is struggling because people want a bespoke service? Are you for real, it’s hardly bespoke to want to push a pushchair into a scan room!

As for the person who said it’s the OP’s own fault for getting pregnant, are you completely devoid of any compassion? The OP’s husband has had a stroke for gods sake!

I remember a post once on mumsnet when the OP left her toddler in the car at a petrol station whilst she nipped in to pay, she got absolutely hammered! Comments like ‘what if there is a fire’, ‘what if the car gets stolen’, yet apparently it’s a great idea to find a stranger on Facebook!

Someone will suggest tying her pram up outside soon!

Im sure he will be quite happy to have the child in theatre with them too on the date of the operation? If your husband is not happy with the rules set by the hospital, which are set for good reasons, as a consultant he should challenge them, not take it out on a band 3 receptionist following the rules.

Whilst I completely agree the scan should be done in the OP circumstances, our fetal medicine consultants, who are also surgeons, work to exactly the same rules and would rebook someone if they came with a child, except in exceptional circumstances. They are fully supportive of sonographers doing this too because they understand the reasons why and are involved in policy making decisions, such as not allowing children in.

When I was sat in the waiting room for a scan during my last appointment another Mum turned up with a toddler in the pushchair and when they said, no sorry he can't go into the scan with you, she argued with them for 10 minutes, they would not shift at all.... she then rang her partner who was sat in the car and told him to come and collect the toddler!

Those saying that the sonographer will just have to get on with it, that's all well and good, but happens if the sonographer finds something requiring the immediate admission of the OP? Where's her other child going to go then?!

@Catcharolo really?? So if the mother requires admission or is given bad news, who cares for the child they brought in? Our trust specifically points out there’s no wiggle room.

Oh. My. God. This thread is bonkers!!

OP, so sorry this is such a stressful time for you. If you have a good friend who could walk the baby around in pushchair while you are in your scan then that would be ideal. Otherwise of course you must take your baby to the scan.
Not a chance I would be leaving my 18 month old baby with a stranger.

If you were my friend I would have your dd and just take her on the school run with me in her pushchair, plenty of parents take pushchairs on school runs! Could you really not drop her with a 'mum friend'?

I am sorry you're having such a stressful time atm though.

It's a hospital appointment. Try harder to find someone to look after your child - you're thinking only of known people like DH/DM. Ask friends, pay for childcare/babysitter. It's only for a few hours. That's what I would do.

OP, there’s another thread on here where a mum and dad asked the grandparents to make a trip up to help them out after one of their children was rushed to hospital and the other has special needs.
She’s getting a pasting for daring to ask for help.

You can’t win.

Emergency appointments are for emergencies, they need to be kept free for people who are having unforeseen emergency situations. I’m struggling to see why you not having a scan would mean that your c section wouldn’t go ahead

You are grossly misrepresenting the other thread.

I take it you've never been the subject of an investigation as to whether you have caused a non accidental injury to a child after the child has sustained a bruise or mark while in your care?

Teachers, nursery workers, foster carers etc are often involved in this. Its highly unpleasant and worrying for them but they have a system around them to support them, there are processes and protocols which are in place to protect them (most foster carers for example do daily logs and photo every little mark on small children)

How do you think the average receptionist or health care worker is going to cope with that if that occurred on a child who was just sitting nearby them and the parent said 'my child didnt have this bruise when I brought her in'.

I can’t believe this thread is still rolling on. Some people seem to like arguing for the sake of it, long after the OP has departed. She just asked for some practical suggestions, which she’s received and hopefully found a solution.

Can you ask a friend to step in? I'm feel really sorry for you not having a support network.
Once this is over, try and build a network of friends that can help you in an emergency, and make sure you offer that back too. You need a support network with small children (and in life in general!)
Best of luck OP, I hope you manage to figure something out. I'd help in a heartbeat if I knew you!

Wow. The comments on here are truly disgusting!

OP, I would ring and speak to the manager of the unit. With your circumstances, I’m sure that something could be figured out. Scans at 37 weeks don’t take a huge amount of time.

sorry to hear about your husband, sending love x

Yes, this. When you go into labour you will need childcare so perhaps get it organisedised now?

I work in the NHS, and there’s certain situations where rules are bent at the manager’s discretion , for me this would be one of them. Your scan is important, your DH had a stroke & is in hospital, someone needs to cut u some slack & if it was me taking good that phone call I’d say bring the child. Think u might have met a job’s worth there.
really hope your DH gets better soon & good luck with your baby xxx 🍀

@NewIdeasToday if a mother arrived at maternity in labour as a single parent, I believe arrangements would be made with SS for emergency Foster care. The two situations are entirely different.

This is a horrible situation. I really feel for you. I don’t have any family locally and if my one child care option had fallen through I’d find it just about impossible to find a solution. Especially with DH in hospital. I’m the type of person that always finds it so difficult to ask friends for help, although I know I would always help in a situation if I could! Whereabouts in the country are you? Can I help at all? Although I know if I’m reluctant to ask a friend for help I’d be even more reluctant to ask a perfect stranger especially with my child!!! Failing that, you will just have to take your child with you! Needs must sometimes!!!

This is crazy. If they can’t move it I’d take her with you. At the point of your actual scan say “yes, not ideal. Husband had a stroke and the baby I’m about to give birth to can’t wait for him to recover.” Take tablet with film on for junior and if they don’t want her in the room with you surely she can spend ten minutes at reception.

Is it worth contacting your child's Health Visitor? They would have links to local parenting support groups such as Homestart and given the circumstances she could make an urgent referral for a volunteer to accompany you to the appointment..the volunteers are all CRB checked...or perhaps try contacting the social services department at the hospital as they may also be able to assist- hope you get this sorted out and all goes well