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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed and angry with DH

358 replies

Topoftheworldtonight · 13/01/2023 22:28

on a 2 night trip to London with DH and the kids. Our first day here. We’re still out now. Since it went dark earlier this evening DH has not stopped saying “we need to go back to the hotel”, “it’s too dark”, “it’s not safe” and so on. I’ve told him to stop and he won’t. Aibu to be angry and annoyed with him? We’re on our way back to the hotel now but earlier I had to keep explaining to him for hours that just because it’s dark we don’t have to go straight back to the hotel. He’s been making the same comments for hours and hours since it went dark

OP posts:
Timetochangetheoil · 14/01/2023 03:31

I feel a bit bad for OP’s husband even though I don’t think she’s being unreasonable, I suffer anxiety too about certain things and it is very difficult to switch off. I think he maybe needs some help (professionally).

I would’ve been badly judged by some posters with my 2 (nearly 3) and 5 year old…they stayed out in London in the dark over the Christmas holidays when we went to stay and were happily riding the tube and overground (for the first time) way past bedtime. But had a fantastic time and didn’t moan once 🙈 theatre, dinosaurs, dinners out. The excitement of a busy city, lots of people making a fuss of them. They loved it. It’s not a school night why shouldn’t OP and her kids enjoy it. Other countries don’t have this same attitude towards children being up later, I find it so stuffy.

@icefishing I went to Chicago a few years ago. Loved it! The only time I felt unsafe was when we went out of the city to see a Chicago Fire match and the taxi driver was such a bad driver we had to get out and walk from the most dodgy place in god knows where with nobody around. I was scared 😂

Homedeco · 14/01/2023 03:49

is why parental mental health problems are a red flag for child wellness - they are frequently allowed to negatively impact on children’s lives.

agreed

icefishing · 14/01/2023 04:10

@Timetochangetheoil to be fair some parts are well dodgy!!
But knifes aren't an issue.
Hope you enjoyed the game when you finally got there.

CheesyCrumpet · 14/01/2023 04:18

So you're walking round London with your husband and kids while scrolling and posting on here?
Ok.

EddyF · 14/01/2023 04:30

OP, you should have taken him to the Endz, lol.

When I’m outside of London, I find driving around quite scary as the roads are so dark! Just a sea of blackness.

PinkSyCo · 14/01/2023 04:46

Where were you and what were you doing all evening/night? Is your DH an anxious person in general? I can’t help feeling quite sorry for him.

catfunk · 14/01/2023 05:03

Serious question, Is he always scared to go out after 4.30pm or just in new places?

daisychain01 · 14/01/2023 05:21

Topoftheworldtonight · 13/01/2023 23:43

Kids are 6,8 and 12

Based on the ages of your DC, especially the 6yo, I wouldn't want them out in central London at that time of night. Fine during the day but I hear too many awful things happening in cities to want to risk it. Having them out at 11oclock at night is ridiculous and unnecessary when theres plenty to do in the daytime.

IMO I think your DH is being sensible and reasonable.

autienotnaughty · 14/01/2023 05:29

With a 6 and 8 year old I'd probably be heading in 8ish but depends where you were. I wouldn't want to be in the middle of the night life with kids as it's not really appropriate. What's happened on previous holidays? At the end of the day though he was scared, imagine if you said you felt scared and he insisted you all stayed out? You need to talk today and agree a plan. He might feel better depending on where you are and what you are doing. But tbh if you're out all day today you might be pretty tired come 7 ish maybe have a movie night at the hotel.

MayThe4th · 14/01/2023 05:37

Given you suggested he go to the hotel and he said no I’d have told him he could either get a bloody grip or he could piss off. If he wants to be “anxious” he can go to the hotel, but there’s no way he should expect you and the kids to put up with it.

anxiety has become a buzz word. Everyone seems to have it, and too many people pander to it. Little wonder that we have a generation with 0 resilience.

atteatimeeverybodyagrees · 14/01/2023 05:38

butterfliedtwo · 14/01/2023 00:34

He sounds really, really anxious. I’m kind of shocked at how unsympathetic, in a really gendered way, people sound on this thread.

I thought the same.

Yes. It's horrible.

Eyerollcentral · 14/01/2023 05:44

atteatimeeverybodyagrees · 14/01/2023 05:38

Yes. It's horrible.

Show quote history

If it was just a couple on their own I would be more sympathetic but it’s not. There are three children on holiday. It is horrible to be a child of a highly anxious person, it can suck the fun out of everything. If the husband needs to address his anxiety he should do so. It’s unfair to have four people at the mercy of irrational anxious worrying. It was dark at 5pm. Is it fair they all go home and sit in a hotel room because the husband is anxious? Clearly not. It might be tough for him but he is the parent and he needs to get it together or at least look like he has.

Patineur · 14/01/2023 06:17

Is he like this after dark at home? Has it occurred to him that London after dark can't be that dangerous given all those people who work there, and all the night life?

Patineur · 14/01/2023 06:22

daisychain01 · 14/01/2023 05:21

Based on the ages of your DC, especially the 6yo, I wouldn't want them out in central London at that time of night. Fine during the day but I hear too many awful things happening in cities to want to risk it. Having them out at 11oclock at night is ridiculous and unnecessary when theres plenty to do in the daytime.

IMO I think your DH is being sensible and reasonable.

Show quote history

If you'e only in London for one night, it's a dreadful waste to spend it in a hotel room. When did you last hear of awful things happening to a family of 5 out and about in the busy parts of central London at 10 or 11 pm?

PinkSyCo · 14/01/2023 06:24

MayThe4th · 14/01/2023 05:37

Given you suggested he go to the hotel and he said no I’d have told him he could either get a bloody grip or he could piss off. If he wants to be “anxious” he can go to the hotel, but there’s no way he should expect you and the kids to put up with it.

anxiety has become a buzz word. Everyone seems to have it, and too many people pander to it. Little wonder that we have a generation with 0 resilience.

Nobody WANTS to be anxious ffs. And presumably OPs DH didn’t piss off back to the hotel alone because he was worried about his families safety as well as his own.

Merlinsbeard83 · 14/01/2023 06:26

No you should not be angry at him for being anxious. Do you never have anxieties around anything? Should he be angry at you when this happens?

quinceh · 14/01/2023 06:27

God, that sounds irritating! When I'm away with my DM she always starts talking about going back to the hotel about halfway through the afternoon. For me, it's little more than the place you sleep.

fuckmylife2023 · 14/01/2023 06:44

Are you in a specific area? Sounds like he doesn't want to be seen by someone or is avoiding being seen.

ZekeZeke · 14/01/2023 06:49

If a woman posted here about being in London with her DH and kids and feeling vulnerable and wanted to go back to the hotel but her DH won't.
The responses would be LTB

Eyerollcentral · 14/01/2023 06:52

ZekeZeke · 14/01/2023 06:49

If a woman posted here about being in London with her DH and kids and feeling vulnerable and wanted to go back to the hotel but her DH won't.
The responses would be LTB

Would they??? Mine would be get a grip you are ruining the holiday for everyone by being totally ridiculous. They are in central London fgs not snipers alley

Eyerollcentral · 14/01/2023 06:53

fuckmylife2023 · 14/01/2023 06:44

Are you in a specific area? Sounds like he doesn't want to be seen by someone or is avoiding being seen.

Is this a joke?

Marchitectmummy · 14/01/2023 06:58

Some really unsympathetic responses. We live in Central London and feel very safe however it does depend where you are even centrally as to how you wouldd feel. Victoria feels very different to Islington to Hackney. Infact one street can feel very different to another and let's face it the press conjure up negative images quite frequently. So fear isn't totally surprising.

He wants to keep his family safe have some empathy and talk it through, he's the person you love after all so I'm sure you want him to enjoy the trip too.

Bigminnie1 · 14/01/2023 06:59

Liorae · 14/01/2023 01:12

We've seen plenty of threads on Mumsnet where grown women say they won't go out after dark, and would never let their daughters walk after dark. I think it's ridiculous, but why is that ok for them, but not for the OP'S husband?

Because they are out together, as a family, in central London. Not wandering the streets on their own.

Bigminnie1 · 14/01/2023 07:01

Liorae · 14/01/2023 01:12

We've seen plenty of threads on Mumsnet where grown women say they won't go out after dark, and would never let their daughters walk after dark. I think it's ridiculous, but why is that ok for them, but not for the OP'S husband?

And the husband has wanted to go back to the hotel since around 4.30 pm when it became dark.
I live in London and wouldn't want my DD (15) to wander the streets at night on her own but there have been plenty of times when she's still been in central London , shopping with her friends, at 5pm!

Shoxfordian · 14/01/2023 07:06

Have a chat with him and see what he’s specifically worried about; it sounds like he does have some form of anxiety which he should get professional help with - has this happened before?