To be annoyed and angry with DH

[Topoftheworldtonight]

on a 2 night trip to London with DH and the kids. Our first day here. We’re still out now. Since it went dark earlier this evening DH has not stopped saying “we need to go back to the hotel”, “it’s too dark”, “it’s not safe” and so on. I’ve told him to stop and he won’t. Aibu to be angry and annoyed with him? We’re on our way back to the hotel now but earlier I had to keep explaining to him for hours that just because it’s dark we don’t have to go straight back to the hotel. He’s been making the same comments for hours and hours since it went dark

He sounds scared. I don’t think I’d be angry and annoyed, but concerned he was so scared of being outside in London in the dark.

Yanbu. IME (I've lived here 20 years) London is no more or less safe at night than any other time (especially in Central areas). Very safe for families with kids.
I'd be more scared after dark in the small town I grew up in!

Glad I wasn’t the only one thinking it. 🤣🤣

We’re back at the hotel. DH just said he was scared as didn’t feel safe. I told him many times he could go back to the hotel if he didn’t feel safe out with me and the kids but he declined to do so.

And yes, we we’re in central London so not in the suburbs etc

So talk to him about it
I’m a lifelong Londoner but maybe he has odd ideas about the place.

Oh I couldn't be arsed with this!

Kids are 6,8 and 12

Is he usually such a panicky flapper? What exactly did he think was going to happen?! It’s pathetic.

It also gets dark at 4:30. Was he really suggesting you all sat in a hotel room for 16 hours until breakfast?

I had a friend who was terrified of big cities. We went to stay in a hotel together one night after a show, and I didn’t know she had so much fear of big cities. She brought an enormous multi pack of cereal bars with her as “we wouldn’t want to be out after dark (4.30pm) so we’d have something to eat in our hotel room”.

I persuaded her to go out to dinner. It was awful, so embarrassing. Walking along the pavement at 5pm, people leaving their offices after work, she kept shrieking and shaking and grabbing me. Then she went weird at dinner and would only eat a few bits of lettuce. Turns out she was convinced she was going to be stabbed.

Never ever again. We stick to rural garden centres now.

This can't be the only thing he's weird about.

Should he just not acknowledge whenever you're anxious then? YABU.

I can see why you are annoyed but reverse this to a situation you might be fearful in. With kids which made it worse. If he insisted on staying out longer? It would be called out shitty behaviour if he'd made you stay out.

Surely in a marriage you respect each other and find a compromise so if he was anxious since day 5pm. Go back at 8. Talk about it and take different approach next time.

Don't be a dick to him!

you want to stay out and he's basically said "screw you" Nice

How annoying - and what an awful example to give your DCs!

But he obviously was nervous, maybe leave him behind next time? My DH is a bit like this - country born and bred, and thinks cities are the worst thing ever. Whenever there is a bad thing on the news he says 'well of course that's in a city' - and when I try and point out that statistically the percentage of xxx per head of population are probably the same anywhere, he won't have it.

He also makes comments such as 'there's no grass in London'. I took the DCs when they were about 6 or 7 to stay with a friend one weekend, and we took photos to show him when we got home, but he wasn't convinced. Not sure what he'd make of an actual park........

Sorry your DH spoilt your trip - go with a girlfriend or family member next time. And don't let him give your DCs pointless fears!

Oh boooo him😌 leave him behind next time!

He sounds really, really anxious. I’m kind of shocked at how unsympathetic, in a really gendered way, people sound on this thread.

I used to be an extremely anxious traveller. Was positive I was going to get robbed and knifed in Chicago. Pretty much ruined a day out with a friend in Italy because I was positive we couldn’t find our way back to the hotel. Panic attacks in Marrakesh (which is a shithole, to be fair). You get the picture.

It was debilitating and embarrassing. It sounds like no fun for you but he needs help.

He sounds really, really anxious. I’m kind of shocked at how unsympathetic, in a really gendered way, people sound on this thread.

I thought the same.

This level of paranoia would be such an unattractive quality for me. Why did he even bother coming to London if he was going to feel like that? Feels like such a waste having a trip away from home and then sit in the hotel from about 4.30 onwards

Also does he think all children are never outside when it’s dark in London?

Lemons that’s so weird. Did she ever explain more about it?

I can’t help thinking OP DH must be clinically anxious but that’s possibly because I can’t fathom being scared to be in London after 4.30pm.

Does he come from another country or area where it isn't safe to be out after dark?
I feel way safer in London after dark than anywhere else, so it sounds odd to me, but I'd want to understand why his reaction is so extreme.

Worse if the kids are little - exposing kids to anxiety increases the chance they develop anxiety.

If it’s past their bed time it’s reasonable to say you should go back because it’s past their bed time, v. unreasonable to use safety as an excuse.

He's out of order going on and on about it for hours if that is what he's done. However, 11pm for a 6 year old child is very late to be out.

6 and 8 is young to be still schlepping the streets at nearly midnight

He could have gone back to the hotel if he was unable to manage his anxiety. Curtailing the entire family’s day out because one adult has mental health problems isn’t reasonable. Especially when there are kids involved. This is why parental mental health problems are a red flag for child wellness - they are frequently allowed to negatively impact on children’s lives.

Good on you for staying out, OP. You really need to sit down with your DP away from the kids and explain tat he needs help for himself and also for the kids - it’s not good for them to be exposed to it.