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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed and angry with DH

358 replies

Topoftheworldtonight · 13/01/2023 22:28

on a 2 night trip to London with DH and the kids. Our first day here. We’re still out now. Since it went dark earlier this evening DH has not stopped saying “we need to go back to the hotel”, “it’s too dark”, “it’s not safe” and so on. I’ve told him to stop and he won’t. Aibu to be angry and annoyed with him? We’re on our way back to the hotel now but earlier I had to keep explaining to him for hours that just because it’s dark we don’t have to go straight back to the hotel. He’s been making the same comments for hours and hours since it went dark

OP posts:
LordSugarTits · 14/01/2023 00:57

"Curtailing the entire family’s day out because one adult has mental health problems isn’t reasonable. Especially when there are kids involved."

Even when it's almost midnight and the children are 6 and 8 years old?

RilkeanHeart · 14/01/2023 01:01

10.30 isn’t almost midnight. Even if you say so twice.

Westernesse · 14/01/2023 01:02

People can’t be allowed to inflict their neuroses on others. He could go back to the hotel if he wanted to, he’s unreasonable to try to curtail other people from being out and enjoying life because “it’s dark”.

CKL987 · 14/01/2023 01:09

I live in London and the only thing that might possibly happen to a family who it out and about is getting your pick pocketed or a distraction theft. However that is also very unlikely and has never happened to me in the 20 years I have lived here. I feel very safe going home past midnight alone but can understand why someone coming into the city could feel overwhelmed.

Liorae · 14/01/2023 01:12

We've seen plenty of threads on Mumsnet where grown women say they won't go out after dark, and would never let their daughters walk after dark. I think it's ridiculous, but why is that ok for them, but not for the OP'S husband?

NumberTheory · 14/01/2023 01:16

LordSugarTits · 14/01/2023 00:57

"Curtailing the entire family’s day out because one adult has mental health problems isn’t reasonable. Especially when there are kids involved."

Even when it's almost midnight and the children are 6 and 8 years old?

What thread are you reading?

He wasn’t trying to go back at midnight because the kids needed to go to bed.

He has been saying they need to go back because it’s not “safe” to be out, to young kids, since it turned dark. Which is approx 5pm in London at the moment.

Stop making excuses for people who like to indulge in their anxiety instead of getting it treated and resisting the pull to make everyone else play along. It is not a healthy attitude at all.

LordSugarTits · 14/01/2023 01:17

"10.30 isn’t almost midnight. Even if you say so twice."

That was an hour before the OP said they were back to the hotel.

"I live in London and the only thing that might possibly happen to a family who it out and about is getting your pick pocketed or a distraction theft"

Eh? In daylight my family had someone off his tits on something (spice I think) waving his arms in our faces and then trying to grab my mum who was sitting drinking a cocktail near Carnaby Street. After dark 8pm ish, on a different occasion, right outside our hotel, Covent Garden, we had a drugged up or drunk man shouting and threatening us (my children were there).

NumberTheory · 14/01/2023 01:19

Liorae · 14/01/2023 01:12

We've seen plenty of threads on Mumsnet where grown women say they won't go out after dark, and would never let their daughters walk after dark. I think it's ridiculous, but why is that ok for them, but not for the OP'S husband?

It’s not. Though, to be fair, almost all those threads are about being out after dark on their own. Whereas OP and her DP are in a family group. So while I agree the out after dark on your own fear is also generally unreasonable, it isn’t quite what’s going on here.

LordSugarTits · 14/01/2023 01:21

"Stop making excuses for people who like to indulge in their anxiety instead of getting it treated"

🤣 I never do this. I couldn't give a shiny shite about his "anxiety". But if I saw a 6 and 8 year old being dragged round central London at fucking 11pm on a Friday night in January I'd wonder about the parents. Those kids should be in bed

Elena567 · 14/01/2023 01:25

"Stop making excuses for people who like to indulge in their anxiety instead of getting it treated"

This.

Couldn’t imagine being married to someone this moist.

EmmaEmerald · 14/01/2023 01:30

Liorae · 14/01/2023 01:12

We've seen plenty of threads on Mumsnet where grown women say they won't go out after dark, and would never let their daughters walk after dark. I think it's ridiculous, but why is that ok for them, but not for the OP'S husband?

Have you? How do these people go to work or school?!

LordSugarTits · 14/01/2023 01:32

"Stop making excuses for people who like to indulge in their anxiety instead of getting it treated"

This.

Couldn’t imagine being married to someone this moist."

You'd keep a 6 year old out sightseeing in London til 11pm to avoid appearing "moist"? Embarrassing

Liorae · 14/01/2023 01:34

NumberTheory · 14/01/2023 01:19

It’s not. Though, to be fair, almost all those threads are about being out after dark on their own. Whereas OP and her DP are in a family group. So while I agree the out after dark on your own fear is also generally unreasonable, it isn’t quite what’s going on here.

Show quote history

Surely they should fear more for their family than for themselves in the Mumsnet terror of the dark? Do you think the children will protect them from dark harm?

Liorae · 14/01/2023 01:35

EmmaEmerald · 14/01/2023 01:30

Have you? How do these people go to work or school?!

Show quote history

It is indeed a mystery but apparently acceptable on Mumsnet.

Liorae · 14/01/2023 01:38

LordSugarTits · 14/01/2023 01:32

"Stop making excuses for people who like to indulge in their anxiety instead of getting it treated"

This.

Couldn’t imagine being married to someone this moist."

You'd keep a 6 year old out sightseeing in London til 11pm to avoid appearing "moist"? Embarrassing

I'd keep them out to eleven to enjoy themselves. I wouldn't let tabloid driven fears spoil that for them.

Elena567 · 14/01/2023 01:38

LordSugarTits · 14/01/2023 01:32

"Stop making excuses for people who like to indulge in their anxiety instead of getting it treated"

This.

Couldn’t imagine being married to someone this moist."

You'd keep a 6 year old out sightseeing in London til 11pm to avoid appearing "moist"? Embarrassing

Not exactly embarrassing for me to express that on an anonymous forum now is it, you’re reaching, again.

Was referring to a grown man claiming to be “scared” of being out in the dark as moist, now that is embarrassing.

LordSugarTits · 14/01/2023 01:45

"I'd keep them out to eleven to enjoy themselves. I wouldn't let tabloid driven fears spoil that for them."

How do you know they were enjoying themselves? They've been out all day according to the OP. I'd assume they're ready for bed. At bedtime. Hours before the OP posted.

I travel a lot with my kids. You don't see small children sightseeing on the streets at the time Op posted in London.

Changechangychange · 14/01/2023 01:48

EmmaEmerald · 14/01/2023 01:30

Have you? How do these people go to work or school?!

Show quote history

I’ve seen those threads too, they definitely exist. The posters in question just drive everywhere, as far as I can tell. So probably don’t walk much in daylight either.

LordSugarTits · 14/01/2023 01:48

"Was referring to a grown man claiming to be “scared” of being out in the dark as moist, now that is embarrassing."

Right. So he's, as you say "moist"🙄.

What's that got to do with it?

LordSugarTits · 14/01/2023 01:51

Interesting thread. Lots of posters that would take their 6 year old out and about sightseeing in central London til 11pm on a cold Friday night.

Eyerollcentral · 14/01/2023 01:52

Fgs it’s dark at half four still here now, realise it might be half five in London but he’s being ridiculous. Who cares even if the children are up late, you are on holiday. I am sorry OP he seems to be an attentive and caring husband and father but tbqh with you I just cannot bear drips, and he sounds a bit drippy to me. Just get out as early as possible tomorrow and enjoy as much as you can as a family. Tell him to stop frightening the children with his constant muttering though, enjoy London! What a fab trip for your kids.

Elena567 · 14/01/2023 01:53

LordSugarTits · 14/01/2023 01:48

"Was referring to a grown man claiming to be “scared” of being out in the dark as moist, now that is embarrassing."

Right. So he's, as you say "moist"🙄.

What's that got to do with it?

I expressed my general opinion. Then you replied to me bringing the 6 year old’s bedtime into it. I could ask you the same 😂

Eyerollcentral · 14/01/2023 01:59

butterfliedtwo · 14/01/2023 00:16

Should he just not acknowledge whenever you're anxious then? YABU.

He can of course. His anxiety isn’t allowed to ruin the experience for the other four people on the trip, three of whom are his children. He needs to find a way to manage his concerns like an adult but he is also in the northern hemisphere and it’s mid January so darkness starts very early in the evening. Don’t tell the OP her children should have to comply with their father’s anxiety.

NumberTheory · 14/01/2023 02:00

Liorae · 14/01/2023 01:34

Surely they should fear more for their family than for themselves in the Mumsnet terror of the dark? Do you think the children will protect them from dark harm?

Show quote history

I just pointed out that most of the posters in those threads take the position of safety in numbers, so your claim that MN seems to be treating this DP differently from those grown women isn’t entirely valid.

Eyerollcentral · 14/01/2023 02:01

LordSugarTits · 14/01/2023 01:51

Interesting thread. Lots of posters that would take their 6 year old out and about sightseeing in central London til 11pm on a cold Friday night.

They are on holiday. When you are on holiday is your family all tucked up by 8pm or do you let loose a little? The children weren’t sitting in a crack den fgs. They also weren’t dragged from their beds and taken out at 11pm…