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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I know I am AIBU, but whenever child-free ppl complain about being tired I get annoyed, barring medical/health issues

381 replies

worldenoughandtime · 13/01/2023 18:07

This is just a secret confession here, in the anonymity of the internet, and I hope I have enough social skills to disguise my true feelings. Which is of extreme annoyance when child-free people complain about being tired (given there are no aggravating health concerns). (In my social circle at least, people complain about being tired and busy all the time).

The tiredness that comes with managing kids - especially more than one, and especially for lone/single parents of which there seems to be more and more- is just on a different level. Needed to get that off my chest.

OP posts:
Quincythequince · 13/01/2023 21:22

YKYABU so why have you polled?

Honestly, people without kids can and do have very stressful lives.

I have just spent weeks (abroad, leaving everything else behind) caring for my elderly, unwell parents, only to now come home to my own family including three teen boys and all that our family life entails.

My weeks away with mum and dad were very stressful indeed - not least stressful because no kids were involved.

Have a word…

Mariposista · 13/01/2023 21:23

So my junior doctor DD has no right to feel tired does she because she has not reproduced? Sure, she might work multiple back to back 14 hour shifts, or worse, go home and study, crash a few hours, but of course, how would that compare with having a child? OK, I'll tell her that. I'm sure you will be grateful to her one day if you ever pass through her ward.

Acommonreader · 13/01/2023 21:24

Parents are not always or exclusively tired! I am a single working middle aged parent and I am NOT tired! I get lots of sleep and am a happy morning person- how does that fit with your thinking OP? Sympathies to those who are tired for ANY reason.

Rockingcloggs · 13/01/2023 21:24

AllyCatTown · 13/01/2023 21:10

I do find myself feeling a bit like this although I see it’s unpopular. I think context matters though as some examples are more understandable. For example, I was really tired with my young baby who was up all night and then to have someone with no children (or job) say they had a bad night sleeping too it annoyed me as it’s not the same.

No it's not because their tiredness quite possibly might be worse.

Spectre8 · 13/01/2023 21:27

cheeseandbreadisthebest · 13/01/2023 21:12

Her kids will be paying for your pension, so

Show quote history

I have my own pension sorted out thanks

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 13/01/2023 21:29

I’ve got two kids but they’re older now (9 and 14).

The bit where they’re tiny is really punishing until they are amazing sleepers. So I sort of know what you mean. But there are loads of non child related reasons why people might not sleep well/ be tired. So I think YABU. The bit where they are tiny is really short in the great scheme of things, so it’ll still pass.

Had the quite funny experience at Christmas of sympathising with my child free brother because his dog wakes him up early on weekends, whilst my children now don’t really…

wingingit1987 · 13/01/2023 21:29

I think it’s unreasonable. I’m a mum of 5 and appreciate parenthood is tiring. But so were my years at uni. I did full time placements as a student nurse, worked 2 x 14 hr shifts at the weekend in a care home plus studied whenever I was free. Parents don’t have a monopoly on being tired.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 13/01/2023 21:29

I meant unless they are amazing sleepers, not until

Hesma · 13/01/2023 21:30

Totally unreasonable… child free people have other stresses. Your choice to have kids so suck it up buttercup!
(btw I’m a single mum of 2 and love my life)

Midge75 · 13/01/2023 21:32

Oh, I hate this! Why can't other people be tired?
I once had a child-free person apologise to me after they had told me they were tired - I told them off for apologising! If they felt tired, they felt tired - as many posters have said, it's not a competition. We were both tired, just for different reasons - I sympathised with them - why would I think it's annoying?

Didimum · 13/01/2023 21:33

MissWings · 13/01/2023 21:16

@Didimum

There are benefits to having twins though. My friend has twins and NO ONE has EVER been as tired as her…. No one because you know she has twins. Whilst twins certainly bring their challenges it’s not easy having multiple kids close in age either. Well I had 3 in 4 years but obs according to my friend this made me sooooo lucky. 🤣. No one get the monopoly on tiredness

Sounds like you have an issue with your friend. I said none of these things.

yorkshirepuddingandjam · 13/01/2023 21:37

Surprised with all the anger towards OP. I actually agree with you OP. The difference with having children vs not having children, is that if you are equally as tired as each other, at some point if you are childfree, you will be able to catch up on sleep or just simply rest. If you have young children it's non-stop 24/7 so there's never any time to recharge. That's why.

WandaWonder · 13/01/2023 21:37

So if someone has 4 kids they are 2 less tired than a person with 6 kids, and half as tired a parent with 8?

I may be a parent but not a martyr

Greencarrace · 13/01/2023 21:38

yorkshirepuddingandjam · 13/01/2023 21:37

Surprised with all the anger towards OP. I actually agree with you OP. The difference with having children vs not having children, is that if you are equally as tired as each other, at some point if you are childfree, you will be able to catch up on sleep or just simply rest. If you have young children it's non-stop 24/7 so there's never any time to recharge. That's why.

That’s not always true though. I can’t catch up on sleep, that’s why I’m so tired.

Lotusflower16 · 13/01/2023 21:43

What a disgusting thread.

Of course you are tired, being an a*hole is tiring indeed.

RavenclawsPrincess · 13/01/2023 21:44

yorkshirepuddingandjam · 13/01/2023 21:37

Surprised with all the anger towards OP. I actually agree with you OP. The difference with having children vs not having children, is that if you are equally as tired as each other, at some point if you are childfree, you will be able to catch up on sleep or just simply rest. If you have young children it's non-stop 24/7 so there's never any time to recharge. That's why.

That’s not true. If you are childfree and a carer for adult dependents, you don’t get to stop and rest. If you’re childfree in a shift work job, it’s not always easy to shift your body clock so you can get the right amount of sleep. If you’re childfree and have chronic health issues those don’t go away to let you rest. I don’t understand why this has to be such a competition, it’s so weird to think like this.

kc431 · 13/01/2023 21:47

yorkshirepuddingandjam · 13/01/2023 21:37

Surprised with all the anger towards OP. I actually agree with you OP. The difference with having children vs not having children, is that if you are equally as tired as each other, at some point if you are childfree, you will be able to catch up on sleep or just simply rest. If you have young children it's non-stop 24/7 so there's never any time to recharge. That's why.

24/7? Does your husband just sit on the sofa all day eating crisps and doing nothing?

Even if your tiredness is “worse”, the less tired person has just as much right to complain about it as you do. Otherwise only the most tired person in the entire world, with 5 sets of young twins, 7 dogs, an 80 hour hospital job, noisy neighbours, chronic insomnia and 4 grandparents with dementia would be allowed to complain.

Fairislefandango · 13/01/2023 21:50

The difference with having children vs not having children, is that if you are equally as tired as each other, at some point if you are childfree, you will be able to catch up on sleep or just simply rest.

But it's not remotely universally true that people with children can't catch up on sleep. Neither is it universally true that people without children can catch up on sleep. Personally, I can never catch up on sleep, because however tired I am, I can't nap or sleep in. Couldn't when my dc were tiny, can't now they are teenagers.

yorkshirepuddingandjam · 13/01/2023 21:52

"That’s not true. If you are childfree and a carer for adult dependents, you don’t get to stop and rest. If you’re childfree in a shift work job, it’s not always easy to shift your body clock so you can get the right amount of sleep. If you’re childfree and have chronic health issues those don’t go away to let you rest. I don’t understand why this has to be such a competition, it’s so weird to think like this."

These examples are very specific and I don't think the OP was referring to people like this, I think they meant just your average child free person.
You are not able to mentally or physically switch off at all if you have young children. I'd be very surprised to hear of any average child free person (not listed above) who doesn't get just 5 minutes to theimselves each day. I can't even poo alione, how many child free people have an audience whenever they go to the toilet?! Tiredness isn't always just about sleep, having time to yourself, even just a shower alone you can recharge. When you have young children you don't have that luxury. (Not complaining, just stating my opinion)

Whatwhatwhatnow · 13/01/2023 21:54

I had an argument about this once with a SAHM friend once who had children when I was still child free. She maintained that parenthood was much much more tiring than working. I disagreed with her and argued that it could go either way. Eg disabled non-sleeping child probably more tiring than an easy 9-5 job. Easy baby probably less tiring than A&E doctor.

I have children now and I still think she was wrong. I am not more tired than before I had children. I am also more fulfilled, whereas before I was quite depressed, so I actually feel more energised.

hennylovespens · 13/01/2023 21:54

I don't think it's tiredness though. I think the feeling parents have when they say this (you're not the first OP) is more related to being overwhelmed. Being a PA to several small people, juggling their diaries, rotas, homework. PE kit, wear a silly hat day, Sophie's birthday party clashes with Max, how to do both. Yeah we sign up for it, but I think it's more to do with the idea that it's usually easier to carve out time to recuperate if you don't have dependents. One of my kids is insomniac and the other is a painfully early riser, both talk non stop. It's not that I'm more tired than anyone else, it's that I don't know when, for the foreseeable future, I'm going to get a chance to catch up.

kc431 · 13/01/2023 21:54

I’m sorry but that sounds like a partner problem (unless you’re single). Can your partner really not watch your children for 5 mins while you go for a poo?

Sartre · 13/01/2023 21:55

I have 5 DC and I fully understand why a child free person could easily be just as if not more tired than I am. My children are good sleepers so I get fairly decent sleep.

WandaWonder · 13/01/2023 21:57

It is a choice to have a child and to keep on having them

If you choose to fine just stop complaining about how hard it is then keep on having children then complaining people without children have it easy or whatever

maddiemookins16mum · 13/01/2023 22:00

Oh rubbish. Try having an elderly parent (or two), that’ll give you a whole new idea of exhaustion.

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