I know I am AIBU, but whenever child-free ppl complain about being tired I get annoyed, barring medical/health issues

[worldenoughandtime]

This is just a secret confession here, in the anonymity of the internet, and I hope I have enough social skills to disguise my true feelings. Which is of extreme annoyance when child-free people complain about being tired (given there are no aggravating health concerns). (In my social circle at least, people complain about being tired and busy all the time).

The tiredness that comes with managing kids - especially more than one, and especially for lone/single parents of which there seems to be more and more- is just on a different level. Needed to get that off my chest.

I was more tired working on cruise ships. Average shift was 17 hours (worst was 21 hours) with no days off for 8 months, 1 month 'vacation' and back again.

Having DS was a walk in the park compared to that.

Soz mate, can't relate.

But I could say the same to you! Why are you making yourself tired breastfeeding every 2 hours? Switch to formula and get your husband to do nights. It’s your own choice!

I’m childfree and get tired when I do a sport until 10pm then have to get up early for the office. I also sleep badly if stressed, and stay up too late playing games. I might be less tired than someone else but I’m still tired. I also can sleep for 3 hours more than my husband and still be more tired than him.

When I hear parents moaning about how annoying their kids are or how holidays become “work” I just think, you literally chose this? You had the wealth of the entire Internet telling you it was very very hard and still made that choice? And the women complaining they haven’t slept through in 4 years - what is your partner doing?!

I'm so tired

This. It looked awful and incredibly unrewarding, so I didn't want to.

btw I am still tired after my nap.

Did you not think you would be tired having children? I was tired before children and tired now. We’re all allowed to be tired. There’s many people who have it worse than me - ailing parents, children with disabilities, mental health, financial issues. Just let people be it’s not a competition, some are just more fatigued than others. My friend has 4 children and she never seems tired, always full of beans- must be the 5am yoga she does 😂 That could never be me!

Tiredness is tiredness, get over yourself.

Fair enough, I used to as well. But it is a tired like no other, trust me

Working 12 hours a day makes you tired . Regardless if that’s at home with your kids or in the workplace.
jeeez we all get tired . Even those who made a life choice not to have kids . You do not have the monopoly on tiredness because you have kids. Same storm different boat

Oh what a load of bollocks

I was always tired pre-children, still tired now 😂

OP is definitely asleep. So we are all more tired than her.

I was bloody tired before having any children.

When I was a junior doctor, we used work full weekends on call, ie, we’d work Monday to Thursday ‘regular’ hours which were on paper 9-5 but in reality 8-6/6.30, then Friday 8am right though til Monday morning on call followed by a normal days work on the Monday. During the weekend on call there was no guaranteed break/rest period, we literally were available 24/7 and by and large we were busy and working. If we did get to rest it was not usually quality rest as a) too wound up/switched on to rest b) too much noise from other doctors pagers going off c)knew there was no point going to sleep as would be called again shortly d) worried about critically ill patients.

One memorable weekend I had 5 hours sleep (in broken stretches) between Friday morning and Monday afternoon.

But I was in my early 20s and had no kids or health problems, so I couldn’t have been tired, right?

I didn't realise tiredness was a competition.

I'm tired sometimes, but usually because of work, volunteering, training 5 times a week for a marathon or boozy nights out.

I have one dc11 (yes only one so I don't know if I did the whole child bearing right as I couldn't have more than one).

Having a child is a lifestyle choice, as is volunteering, staying up late to binge watch Netflix etc. I accept all those things.

Got my nails done today and the technician (who I know well) was saying how she was so stressed and shattered because her elderly (90) dm who has dementia and physical needs keeps ringing her at 1,2,3,4,5 am every night because they're confused (6 month waiting list for a residential place). Is she not allowed to be tired? She has raised 3 kids who are adults.

In my 20’s I lived at home and my father developed a chronic fu diction causing senility. He’d roar and shout all through the night then I had a half hour walk to the train station and an hours commute by train. I was a zombie. About10 years ago we got druggie neighbours who liked to party 3 consecutive days of the week. We got no sleep at all. I was also in a demanding job with three days in another part of the country. I remember sitting one day in work struggling to keep my eyes open. Feeling nauseous from the lack of sleep then going home where the neighbours were partying again. Some wee ned the doorstep ‘singing’ at the top of his lungs at 3am….I wasn’t tired I was exhausted and bone weary. I am tired now from insomnia and I got 2 hours of crap sleep before a full day working today which is normal. I am in a permanent tired state but I don’t have children so I must be making it up!

You don't sound like the sort of persons whose opinion I would value anyway to be honest

I do find myself feeling a bit like this although I see it’s unpopular. I think context matters though as some examples are more understandable. For example, I was really tired with my young baby who was up all night and then to have someone with no children (or job) say they had a bad night sleeping too it annoyed me as it’s not the same.

Her kids will be paying for your pension, so

I have twins and get annoyed at parents of singletons who try to tell me having two kids of any age is the same as twins. Ah well.

Who knew tiredness was a competitive sport?

What’s the prize if you win?

Caregiving for elderly parents is extremely tiring, I acknowledge that. My 82 yr old dad lived with us for nine-month during the peak of the pandemic and I was shattered.

If they have dementia it’s another level of tiredness again. I was so exhausted I fell asleep in the hairdresser’s chair while he was off mixing the colour and he had to wake me up. No children though so that probably doesn’t count.

@Didimum

There are benefits to having twins though. My friend has twins and NO ONE has EVER been as tired as her…. No one because you know she has twins. Whilst twins certainly bring their challenges it’s not easy having multiple kids close in age either. Well I had 3 in 4 years but obs according to my friend this made me sooooo lucky. 🤣. No one get the monopoly on tiredness

You can’t say it’s not the same. I am childfree but I would put money on a majority of people saying my reason for being tired is ‘better’ than your reason for being tired. You don’t know what people are going through or have been through in their lives. Even my family don’t know the full story of why I am tired, especially my extended family. Maybe just try having empathy for people and they will have empathy for you, that’s better than everything being a competition.

You’re surrounded by people who complain ‘on and on’ about being tired? How odd.

I found being at home with a baby less exhausting than the 10 years of 50% nights I’d done prior to that. At least I lay down on my bed at some point every single night. Bliss.

I also found caring for a child much less exhausting than caring for an adult, as I had done for years until the family member whose adult nappies I changed died.

All people mean when they say having a child is the most exhausting difficult thing ever is that its the most exhausting difficult thing they’ve ever done. Other people with different lives will feel differently.

In any event, who suffers the most is not a completion. And if it were - it really wouldn’t be one you’d want to win.

I agree it’s odd people are ‘going on and on’ about it. Literally the only time I’ve ever mentioned being tired is to my husband or if I’m asked something like ‘are you ok? You seem quiet’ and the people I know/work with are the same.