Hen do dilemma

[Soon2bemumoftwo]

i am currently a mum to a 21 month old and 2 and a half month old which has its obvious challenges and stresses however recently I got into a discussion with my
husband which has really saddened me and want to know everyone else’s opinion.
Before having my second child my friends began organising for our friends hen do which will take place 4 hours away from
home and over a 3 day period which I agreed to. As it has gotten closer my husband has become anxious about being left with the kids and is now saying he will look after them but believes at 4 months old for the youngest I shouldn’t be going as they are too young to be away from for this amount of time.
I will add he attended a wedding abroad for 4 days whilst I was 8 months pregnant with a toddler to look after at home with no issues and when asked about his friend who also attended the wedding leaving a 2 month old and 20 month old at home he said he didn’t think there was anything wrong with that either as it was a wedding not a just a hen/stag do.

i would love to go spend time with friends and relax a little but now I feel maybe they are too young and I am being selfish leaving them for 3 days….thoughts?

Wow

Wrong. I wouldn't have with anyone.

But I do think it's up to the OP and I do think her DH needs to start getting used to coping with two on his own,

How is it now helpful? It’s my opinion, I can’t change my personal opinion and that’s what we are asked to give. How helpful is your comment ‘how helpful’? 🤔 Ironic.

Or, just maybe, some people actually, genuinely, wouldn't want to Nothing to do with how good a parent they think they are.

And you will always get people offering their own perspective on these threads.
Just as you have.

ReluctantCourier · Today 09:50
@JussathoB your main concern is the other caregiver’s well-being? This is so sodding gendered. I’d bet money that if OP said she was leaving the kids with her mum or sister there wouldn’t be half the crap about ‘oh I simply couldn’t’

Uh no. I wouldn’t leave my baby with my mother, my MIL, my sister, or a female childminder. My babies were ebf until they were toddlers, they never left my side. Each to their own though I know some mums who left their babies when they were just days old because ‘they deserved a break’. Like they didn’t realise what having a baby entails and it’s too hard for them.

He's being ridiculous, he's their father! My ex left me for a week with our 2 when dd2 was only 2 weeks old, technically business but half the conference was skiing!

Reversed dp's leave little ones all the time, why should it be different for the mums (assuming mum wants to go)

Do you have 3 children? I wouldn't want my husband to leave me with 3 under 3s for 3 days 😱!

@Dowhahdiddy that’s your choice and you were free to make it as OP is hers. Your choices aren’t ‘right’ and will have come with other compromises both for you and your children as all choices do.

Everyone deserves a break- why does motherhood have to be gruelling and relentless to be valid? There’s no single definition of legitimate ‘mother experience’ ffs.

Where did I say my choice was right? I gave my opinion. I’m sorry if it’s hit a nerve with some of you, it still doesn’t change my opinion or change what I did 😉

@Summerlark

Did……did you just come here to tell us how rich you are or something? Eh……congratulations, I guess? 😂

Apparently this doesn’t matter, the man should shut up and put up or otherwise LTB 🙄 Typical mn misandry.

Summerlark · Today 03:54
At that age, I went on a 10 day tropical holiday with my husband. The children stayed home with the live in nanny we hired for the 10 days. We kept that up for a number of years and the children had a great time with their nannies - we left plenty of money for outings and trips and food shopping etc. Apparently, our annual job was highly sought after at the nanny agency.

How sad is this? I wouldn’t trade time with my children for all the tea in china. It’s a wonder why some people even have children if they can’t even be bothered to raise them?

I mean there are literally 355 other days of the year to be a full time full on parent. Ten days a year to take a bit of time out hardly screams ‘can’t be arsed to raise my offspring’ 🙄

No point arguing with @Dowhahdiddy . This person is a perfect parent who has never left their precious children for more than 5 seconds. These children will feel smothered when they get older, believe me.

@Dowhahdiddy you do sound like you could do with a rest, love…

Hi OP, GO! You will only regret it. Your children will be in capable hands. Your husbands needs to understand you need time away too. They will still be there when you return home, it will be a lovely retreat for you to enjoy time with friends. If he was happy to leave whilst 8 months pregnant, then he needs to grow up. Go and enjoy your time, he will be more than capable x

😂 They’re teenagers now and they have had sleepovers at grandparents from the age of 4 plus. Just because I breastfed my babies and wouldn’t leave them when they were just weeks old doesn’t equal smothering. Before the days of formula and plastic bottles, you would’ve had to do the same 😉

I’m going to be sat by a pool all day today so I’m sure I’ll get that rest I need 😉 Now my children are grown I can rest all I like 😊

I think your proposal is a good compromise OP. I have one 6 week old baby and I don't think I'd cope if DH went away for 3 nights, so I wouldn't dream of suggesting I go away for 3 nights anytime in the foreseeable. Likewise I wouldn't be too thrilled if my husband went on a stag do in only a few weeks from now. Fathers do need to be able to share the parenting and be able to cope, but I am a touch uncomfortable with the posts that imply he'd be a horrible man to go on a 3 night stag do, but your original plans are fine, and he is a disgrace for questioning them, whether or not you are the primary care giver. Parents need to be a team, its not about a race to the bottom or scoring points.

@Dowhahdiddy I suppose that you believe that breast is best and look down on formula mums. Or am I wrong? It's the feeling I am getting from your rather defensive posts.

🥱

@Dowhahdiddy Uh no. I wouldn’t leave my baby with my mother, my MIL, my sister, or a female childminder. My babies were ebf until they were toddlers, they never left my side. Each to their own though I know some mums who left their babies when they were just days old because ‘they deserved a break’. Like they didn’t realise what having a baby entails and it’s too hard for them.

Imagine being this much of a dick!
Ironically I'm sure you think you're mother earth full of gentle parenting ... yet you are disgustingly judgemental about other mothers who dare to separate themselves for a minute from their children and the rude accusations that it means motherhood is too hard for them because they want a break.

By the way you either didn't "exclusively breastfeed until they were toddlers", from about 6 months your children had plenty of food and water. Nothing 'exclusive' about the BF... its actually just supplementary.

First formula was evidenced in 1725 and sold commercially a century later… how old are you @Dowhahdiddy ?! Kudos on chilling by the pool in your 500th year…

I so agree with this.