Hen do dilemma

[Soon2bemumoftwo]

i am currently a mum to a 21 month old and 2 and a half month old which has its obvious challenges and stresses however recently I got into a discussion with my
husband which has really saddened me and want to know everyone else’s opinion.
Before having my second child my friends began organising for our friends hen do which will take place 4 hours away from
home and over a 3 day period which I agreed to. As it has gotten closer my husband has become anxious about being left with the kids and is now saying he will look after them but believes at 4 months old for the youngest I shouldn’t be going as they are too young to be away from for this amount of time.
I will add he attended a wedding abroad for 4 days whilst I was 8 months pregnant with a toddler to look after at home with no issues and when asked about his friend who also attended the wedding leaving a 2 month old and 20 month old at home he said he didn’t think there was anything wrong with that either as it was a wedding not a just a hen/stag do.

i would love to go spend time with friends and relax a little but now I feel maybe they are too young and I am being selfish leaving them for 3 days….thoughts?

I would’ve told him I trust him with all our lives and gone 😂

I wouldn't have dreamt of leaving my now adult children for that long when they were young. Why are hen do's so OTT nowadays, its ridiculous, just go for a meal and a night out !

As a Dad with similar ages, I would be nervous of wife going away(she’s the expert and I’m the understudy 😁), but I wouldn’t ever say it’s a bad idea. I personally would encourage my wife to go as I know she would be torn when having to leave the children behind.

i would most definitely go, life shouldn’t just stop with children and hen do’s and parties dry up as you get older!

A lot of Judy comments here.

if you carry a baby for 9 months and want one weekend away to celebrate your friends wedding that does not make you a bad mum!

I bet the people criticising a mum for still having friends and a social life are the same ones who wonder why there old friends don’t speak to them or contact them anymore after having a baby 😅

Since no one has been able to describe to me what the actual problem with leaving bottle fed baby with dad for a few days actually is...as in what awful fate might occur as a reslt of doing so, I'm assuming it's something like this.

And they say nurses have it tough.

Go Op! Enjoy your time with your friends!!

You're not being unreasonable in wanting to go to something you've had planned for a while. He gets his time and it's only fair you should too. I've been away and left my children when they were young and it's also a great time for them to spend quality time with DH. Enjoy and have fun!!!

You know nothing about my husband you silly sod!
i

My rule is that parenting is a 50:50 thing.

I did the first 9 months; he can do the second 9 months.

Spot on, @pictoosh

You should do whatever you feel you're ready to do but it sounds like he's not ready. Is there any family who could help or be there for him if he needs support? I know men can often be useless and annoying but maybe he really is just nervous and scared he genuinely won't be able to cope

To all the mums on here proclaiming their children would cry for them if they left them but not for their fathers.....

That says more more about your partners parenting skills and level of active involvement in your children's lives than it does about the parenting ability of mothers like the OP who are happy to leave their children with their more than capable fathers.

Pot and kettle.

@Dowhahdiddy you really sound like a complete and utter c*nt…..

I can just imagine you sitting there wondering which of your zero friends to tell about the argument you’re having in MN with totally strangers so that you can feel good about yourself by trying to make others feel shit 😂 it’s not working, love. Everyone knows that the perfect mother you’re portraying yourself to be doesn’t exist 🤫

😂 🎣 🎣 😉

You're not being unreasonable because you both agreed to this prior. He should be able to care for the children he helped create. Personally, I wouldn't be okay with leaving my toddler and 4 month old for 3-4 days (my kids are 9 and 10 now and I still wouldn't be leaving them for days.) However, I am a single mom who didn't make the best choice in someone to have kids with. If I did I would think that my partner was more than capable to handle the children for a few days - if I can do it everyday; you can do it for 3-4 days 🤷‍♀️. I think there are some deeper issues in this relationship then what we are privy to. There's not a lot of detail to go off of in the detail that's here isn't necessarily relevant. I'm sorry but there is a huge difference between your husband going on a trip while you're pregnant and have a toddler too care for, and you going on a trip leaving him with a four month old and a toddler to care for. If you had an issue with him going on that trip while you were pregnant, the time to bring up those issues would have been before he took the trip; not later during an argument because honestly it just comes off as you trying to utilize that to get what you want. I'm not saying that's what you're doing I'm just saying that's most likely why he seems to be defensive and why you two are going back and forth about this. However, he is wrong to try to guilt trip and manipulate you into staying by utilizing the children against you; especially when you two agreed to you going prior. There seems to be some underlining misogyny and sexism in your marriage. It seems to me, that your husband's views are that his only contribution should be monetary/financial whereas yours should be everything else. I don't know if you go or don't go but I highly suggest to consider couples counseling at least because this will more than likely be a reoccurring issue