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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find my very comfortable life completely overwhelming?

300 replies

Kingcatnight · 12/01/2023 19:16

For some reason over the past couple of years I seem to be finding my perfectly normal, "nice", not-remotely-difficult life to be completely and utterly overwhelming.

I have zero motivation and appetite for anything that doesn't provide instant gratification and fun when I wake up in the morning and I'm really struggling to tick anything off my list or fully apply myself to my job. There just always seems to be something else that gets in way that makes day-to-day-living feel like an endless slog of chores and misery.

Shopping needs doing
Things need throwing out of fridge
Garden needs weeding
Have to pay window cleaner
Got a parking ticket that I need to appeal
Forgot to buy salt for water softener
Or have plenty of salt for water softener but can't seem to find motivation to top it up...
Car needs servicing
Need to order new bank card
Garage needs clearing out
Must remember to book plumber to fix outside tap
Need to buy paint so we can repaint spare room (and then bloody paint it too)
XYZ form needs filling in but the printer's out of ink so need to sort that first
Dogs need walking/taking to vet
Forget dad's birthday

etc etc

The list is endless and new things seem to get added to it every day. It's just incessant.

In amongst all of this I am supposedly meant to find time to perform the job I'm actually paid to do to a high standard, pay my bills and feed myself. Basic functions performed, I then need to find time to exercise, respond to texts from friends/family and try to be a half-decent daughter/sister/niece etc.

I won't even start on the vague dreams I have about one day perhaps having the emotional capacity and headspace to learn french or play the violin.

I literally feel like just living and ticking off these tedious day-to-day tasks is a full-time job in itself. I don't understand how I'm supposed to fit anything else in around it. I really struggle to carry on with the rest of life while my to-do list grows increasingly longer and so my work suffers, because I have the luxury of WFH and I can't seem to motivate myself to focus on work when so many other things need doing. At the end of each day I go to bed feeling as though I've barely achieved anything and have underperformed in every area of my life.

On the rare evenings where I do find myself sitting down I'm so drained and low about it all that I end up mindlessly watching trash TV or youtube and then go to bed even more annoyed at myself for having achieved nothing of value.

I don't understand why I find this all so hard? Other people don't make it look this hard...am I just too sensitive and an incompetent under-achiever? Am I depressed? Surely there's more to life than this?

OP posts:
Pootles34 · 12/01/2023 19:21

If its the last couple of years, might wfh be the problem?

JustFrustrated · 12/01/2023 19:22

That is a tick list of depression.

100thname · 12/01/2023 19:24

100%

100thname · 12/01/2023 19:25

What I mean is, I 100% understand what you mean, because I feel it too.

Belle96 · 12/01/2023 19:26

I like to think im all together and doing what I should but I'm not behind closed doors this it totally me I never used to be like this

watchfulwishes · 12/01/2023 19:27

That is just life, the issue is not your list but something else - could be depression, could be something else - (peri)menopause, thyroid, boredom?

But I think there is nothing to be gained by analysing your list - it is a pretty unremarkable list.

Iamatissuebox · 12/01/2023 19:28

This is me. I have depression.

Eileen101 · 12/01/2023 19:30

Absolutely me 100%. I've just been put on anti depressants.

Original poster
Kingcatnight · 12/01/2023 19:31

I have wondered but I genuinely don't feel like I behave like a depressed person. Honestly my friends and family would tell you I'm the most chatty, upbeat person. If someone extends a fun invitation at the weekend then I'm there 100%. The fact that I feel I'm not coping on the inside and feel completely paralysed by all these perfectly normal things that need doing wouldn't be obvious to anyone else at all. I don't feel like I have anything to be depressed about.

OP posts:
Burnamer · 12/01/2023 19:32

How old are you? Could it be peri-menopause?

Eyelashesoffire · 12/01/2023 19:33

Everything you've said resonates with me. It's a lot worse when I'm tired. In the past I've been low in vitD and iron. Have you had any blood tests?

Haus1234 · 12/01/2023 19:34

Have you ever looked into ADHD symptoms? Just a thought (and I’m absolutely not diagnosing you and have no qualifications with which to do so)

SD1978 · 12/01/2023 19:36

I'd say that's pretty much the same for most people. There is always a list, most people aren't on top of it, and usually with they were!

Fushiadreams · 12/01/2023 19:36

It does seem something is very wrong, like you’re very unhappy with your life. The list you give is really not overly onerous. Walking the dog. Paying the window cleaner. Hardly big things.

none of us can diagnose if you’re clinically depressed, or you’re just unhappy, maybe fundamentally lazy and can’t be arsed, but it doesn’t seem you enjoy your life.

Domino20 · 12/01/2023 19:37

Oh god. You've just perfectly described how I feel. I have a burning resentment for the list of THINGS, hate doing them and get very stressed about it. End up switching off and watching Facebook videos. I have no answers though, hopefully someone will suggest something?
I feel your pain.

BertieBotts · 12/01/2023 19:40

Have you ever come across the description of how ADHD manifests in adult women? These kinds of things are exactly what we struggle with. Often missed as children because of a lack of disruptive behaviour but typically women with ADHD will have been the daydreamy child who was always getting told off for talking when she shouldn't and/or looking out of the window.

Snowjive2 · 12/01/2023 19:43

There’s nothing wrong with you. This is normal. Life is full of tedious admin that we have to do. Main thing is that you have your list. Pick the least odious thing on it, do it, tick it off. And repeat.

motherfugga · 12/01/2023 19:43

I can hugely relate to this at the moment. It's all a big 'to do' list and when you get to the end it's time to start over again. The endless life admin!

I also get irrationally angry when people encroach on my precious spare time! Because life is so annoyingly filled with stuff I don't give a crap about.

I do know exactly what makes me happy though and try and minimise the other stuff. Do you know what makes you happy?

userxx · 12/01/2023 19:44

Burnamer · 12/01/2023 19:32

How old are you? Could it be peri-menopause?

I was thinking this. I'm peri-menopausal and feel overwhelmed with pretty much everything 🤷‍♂️

Aroloruns · 12/01/2023 19:45

I often feel like this and am awaiting an ADHD diagnosis. Though I have moments of extreme focus and achieve a lot personally and professionally. What are the positives about yourself?!

Oblomov22 · 12/01/2023 19:46

You sound depressed. Please speak to your GP. I do all your list without even thinking about it.

Misunderstoodagain · 12/01/2023 19:47

100% me so so much. I have been put on anti depressants in the past, never worked or told i have anxiety etc but actually turned out it was ADHD. Just knowing made a big difference, now I can understand myself so much more and accommodate it and make the changes I need
Worth reading up on it, might resonate with you.

NeedToChangeName · 12/01/2023 19:47

Tasks like paying a window cleaner / throwing out mouldy cheese from the fridge are not big tasks

So, if you struggle to do stuff like that, I guess it could be because you're a bit disorganised, or easily distracted, or resentful that it all falls to you, or low mood, or not too bothered whether it gets done, or some other reason

Most people have a "to do" list of tasks that never seems to quite get completed

Three things that work for me =

Pomodoro technique. Make yourself do the job for 5 mins and you'll probably carry on

If it's a quick job, just do it. Pay the window cleaner as soon as the bill arrives. Dont leave it lying around, add it to a list of tasks etc

Set aside 15 mins first thing to do admin before starting work. Get those tasks out of the way

picnicshicnic · 12/01/2023 19:49

Kingcatnight · 12/01/2023 19:31

I have wondered but I genuinely don't feel like I behave like a depressed person. Honestly my friends and family would tell you I'm the most chatty, upbeat person. If someone extends a fun invitation at the weekend then I'm there 100%. The fact that I feel I'm not coping on the inside and feel completely paralysed by all these perfectly normal things that need doing wouldn't be obvious to anyone else at all. I don't feel like I have anything to be depressed about.

I relate to a lot of what you are saying and I also don't think I'm depressed.

I get a lot of joy from things, mainly little things. But I am so swamped with work and life and kids I don't often get the time to appreciate these things, which does stress me out. But I certainly don't feel depressed.
Will be interesting to read some of the responses.

Danascully2 · 12/01/2023 19:52

I sometimes feel overwhelmed by this stuff and other times feel much more positive. I think wfh really doesn't help as we are constantly looking at the house to do list rather than having work time where we only look at the work to do list.
I def don't have all the answers but exercise makes a massive difference to my mood when I manage to make myself do it... Also making the effort to do a few social things - again easier said than done especially if you don't have babysitting.