To find my very comfortable life completely overwhelming?

[Kingcatnight]

For some reason over the past couple of years I seem to be finding my perfectly normal, "nice", not-remotely-difficult life to be completely and utterly overwhelming.

I have zero motivation and appetite for anything that doesn't provide instant gratification and fun when I wake up in the morning and I'm really struggling to tick anything off my list or fully apply myself to my job. There just always seems to be something else that gets in way that makes day-to-day-living feel like an endless slog of chores and misery.

Shopping needs doing
Things need throwing out of fridge
Garden needs weeding
Have to pay window cleaner
Got a parking ticket that I need to appeal
Forgot to buy salt for water softener
Or have plenty of salt for water softener but can't seem to find motivation to top it up...
Car needs servicing
Need to order new bank card
Garage needs clearing out
Must remember to book plumber to fix outside tap
Need to buy paint so we can repaint spare room (and then bloody paint it too)
XYZ form needs filling in but the printer's out of ink so need to sort that first
Dogs need walking/taking to vet
Forget dad's birthday

etc etc

The list is endless and new things seem to get added to it every day. It's just incessant.

In amongst all of this I am supposedly meant to find time to perform the job I'm actually paid to do to a high standard, pay my bills and feed myself. Basic functions performed, I then need to find time to exercise, respond to texts from friends/family and try to be a half-decent daughter/sister/niece etc.

I won't even start on the vague dreams I have about one day perhaps having the emotional capacity and headspace to learn french or play the violin.

I literally feel like just living and ticking off these tedious day-to-day tasks is a full-time job in itself. I don't understand how I'm supposed to fit anything else in around it. I really struggle to carry on with the rest of life while my to-do list grows increasingly longer and so my work suffers, because I have the luxury of WFH and I can't seem to motivate myself to focus on work when so many other things need doing. At the end of each day I go to bed feeling as though I've barely achieved anything and have underperformed in every area of my life.

On the rare evenings where I do find myself sitting down I'm so drained and low about it all that I end up mindlessly watching trash TV or youtube and then go to bed even more annoyed at myself for having achieved nothing of value.

I don't understand why I find this all so hard? Other people don't make it look this hard...am I just too sensitive and an incompetent under-achiever? Am I depressed? Surely there's more to life than this?

Work outside the home as much as possible
Good advice; separate “work” and “home admin” so you’re not juggling both in your imind during office hours.

And please pay your window cleaner! I’m self employed and it’s frustrating to have to chase up late payments from customers when I have bills to pay and direct debits coming out of my account.

Well this is where I think you are going wrong. You have to find the time to follow your dreams and make it happen. I did that with learning the violin. It wasn't for me in the end but along the way I rediscovered piano and I found a lot more pleasure with it and life. Everything else in terms of importance is secondary.

This sounds just like me and I have ADHD.

Maybe check out ‘The Minimal Mom’ channel on YouTube. Dawn is fab at reducing the overwhelm in our lives - paring down our stuff …physical and emotional.

Thank you for posting this op. I could have written your opening post.

The difference with me is that I did give up for a while and now everything is piled up and I can’t seem to get back on top of it. So I definitely wouldn’t recommend that approach! 🤣

I’m not usually a depressed person either!
I think the after-effects of the pandemic are still playing out in my situation.

I also feel a bit powerless and hemmed in by circumstances and they do say that depression can be about an absence of power.

I have been prescribed ADs but not sure I dare take them.

So lovely your mum came and did this and so lovely you have a relationship with her where you accepted the help. Glad you’re in a better place x

I feel very similar to you and get overwhelmed by similar tasks. For me the issue is ADHD which I’ve recently been diagnosed with.

Have the same list with a lot more on it. but where is the other list?
You know the one that plans in me time?
The one that says I am special and this is my weekly reward?
This is my hobby and something I want to learn and improve myself with?
This is my exercise time to make me feel great about myself?

Life is more than chores - chores are just things to get out of the way of living an actual life.

Suggest you do a new list and delegate some of the other list!😁

I feel pretty much the same, I live alone and I just do everything by myself and I am just so unutterably sick of it and worn down by it. I am not comfortable either and get very stressed with the ever increasing cost of everything. In the past I used to be able to power through all the tedious repetitive tasks and in a way hardly be aware of even doing them. But now I am so sick of always cooking, washing up, hoovering, changing my bed, ironing, gardening and so on. I do it and then it all needs doing all over again. I can trace some of it back to lockdown which I coped with ok from March 2020 til November of the same year but then totally fell apart when the city I live in was put into Tier 3 with additional restrictions and as someone living alone I honestly thought I would die of loneliness. All my work was Covid related and it felt as if there was no escape. Since then I have felt very detached from things and often have to pause and try to recalibrate myself and check my negative thoughts.

This is the rat race many of us find ourselves in. We don't live simply anymore and it's exhausting. It's no mystery as to why so many of us in developed countries are anxious or depressed.

This is me - I was diagnosed with ADHD and am now medicated and I’m finally able to tackle my list of doom. It’s still not a walk in the park but I’ve finally got the motivation to tackle things I would have become overwhelmed with before - all those annoying day to day tasks.

How did you feel before covid?

I feel the exact same way as you do but it’s odd because although my life is still a little bit stressful (single parent & working FT) it used to be way more stressful (single parent working FT in a difficult job & studying PT) but I somehow coped ok.

But I’ve been finding every day life so difficult recently and the only thing I can put my finger on is that it’s been since covid.

I was fine during lockdowns and was excited to get back to work properly (I struggled wfh) and I really appreciated being back to my ‘normal’ life but since then I’ve found everything so difficult.

I don’t think I’m the only one either and I know my DD and many other children are struggling too.

I can’t work out if it’s to do with long covid, if our bodies are exhausted from all of the change or if we got used to a slower pace of life and now things are moving fast again.

I can relate. I found having a part time office job to get me out of the house helped be but hasnt solved the problem. I am now leaving wfh job I love but cant actully properly do to see whether a full time office job will work better even if the job itself isnt better.
Apart from that I find yoga benefitial, have given pretty much everything else because I cant manage..

I feel exactly like you. The list never ends therefore I can never relax. I can never keep up with the list.

These are all ADHD related with me - great at the big fun stuff, everyday is the problem that overwhelms me.

Lots.of this stuff is boring and repetitive, why wouldn't it get on your nerves/get you down?

Is your load shared? Could it be? Is there a way to make space for the French or the violin? I have so much more energy and do so much more when I've been topped up by seeing friends or doing something I genuinely enjoy and is just for me.

This is exactly how I was as a child, and the OP's post is exactly how I am as an adult.

I'm not depressed, I'm very happy. Just frequently overwhelmed by seemingly nothing.

I am getting referred for an ADHD assessment by my GP.

Echoing the ADHD suggestion. Obv not diagnosing anyone, I'm not qualified but I'm awaiting assessment and a lot of this is very familiar indeed.

ADHD

and the misery of being a responsible adult.

i keep fantasising about being 20 again and dating and travelling

being an adult is shit

I can relate to this, feel as if life is a never ending to do list with endless DIY jobs to do or pay out for on top. All feels pretty joyless. I know I'm prone to feeling like this anyway, despite being fairly organised. For me its a combination of grief and perimenopause. Wierdly its not my paid work that gets on top of me cause that feels worthwhile, even though I'm not a high earner by any means. Also agree that the time of year doesn't help. A big part of me would love to just sleep, read, watch Netflix and Mumsnet none stop (when our WiFi works properly again, the latest house problem. The irony is that between Christmas and New Year when I didn't have a lot of work to do, I decided I was done with Christmas and bored. Also if I do have a WFH day or dont go out all day cause of the weather, I do feel mentally shit quite quickly.

In terms of strategy I also recommend ticking things off your list, setting yourself a timer for 20 mins and working hard in that 20 mins. Also simplifying things as much as possible, I'm in the process of trying to do this.

PS. I live with anxiety and depression, which got worse over the past ten years of worklife. I have been exploring other diagnosis' and co

PS. I live with anxiety and depression, which got worse over the past ten years of worklife. I have been exploring other diagnoses and conditions - aspergers, giftedness, HSP, ADHD /no hyperacitivity/ and the last now borderline disorder and seem to have a bit of all but nothing fully on. Your situation is obviously different to mine but just to give you perhaps a bit of inspiration.
Also things like having a good sleeping pattern, good eating/drinking regime, nough fresh air, some exercise /walks will do/ do help.

Get an inner army drill sergeant. Mine forces me to get up at 5am and out walking the dog. I then have a tick list of shit that I hate but needs to be done. If I try to to procrastinate my drill sergeant shouts at me and so I usually manage to get most things done by 7am each morning. It’s been HARD to get to this level though and it’s basically mental discipline. For me, it really works but each person is different. Getting all the boring stuff out of the way as quickly as possible is how I cope with the daily chore list.

Do people actually write lists? Like actual,lists? With the things the op has on them. Like clean out garage or weed garden?

I have no list. Maybe that’s why I don’t have any issue with this stuff. Isn’t a list anxiety inducing. Shopping I do as and when needed. Chucking old food out when I remember, ordering salt takes two mins on line. None of this stuff I’d write on an actual list.

i don’t even have a mental list. I might have a couple of things I need to do in a day, so I do them. Like order salt, pay a bill, buy a present, or walk the dog. Get some shopping, but it’s certainly not a list.

I can’t perceive having a list four pages long. I mean I’m sure I could come up with one if forced. But why would I. I know the patio needs cleaning at some point. I need the loft needs clearing out at some point. I know the garden pots need dealing with. It will be done as and when I decide to do it.

LIsts do help some people. All brains are different.