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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder whether this qualifies for compassionate leave?

199 replies

nhspolicy · 12/01/2023 18:30

Situation as follows:

NHS employee, bereaved unexpectedly - think extended family member like Great Aunt/Uncle. Person was very close to the deceased person and was very distressed by the loss. 3 days absence from work following the news.

Which is the fairest option of these for the employee's manager to choose in respect of the above?

  • compassionate/ special leave
  • sick leave
  • annual leave
  • unpaid leave

Thanks.

OP posts:
Fushiadreams · 12/01/2023 19:43

TerraNostra · 12/01/2023 19:41

I don’t understand this. What difference does a day off make in this situation?

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Because if you give one person a day off for their cousins, you need to give everyone a day off for their cousin. Then a day off for their auntie, their uncle. All times multiple. Which adds a huge amount of absence when you add it up across all employees.

TerraNostra · 12/01/2023 19:44

Fushiadreams · 12/01/2023 19:43

Because if you give one person a day off for their cousins, you need to give everyone a day off for their cousin. Then a day off for their auntie, their uncle. All times multiple. Which adds a huge amount of absence when you add it up across all employees.

Show quote history

Nah I don’t buy that. It’s just life surely, and employers have to accept that people are humans who need some slack when bad shit happens. You just make sure that people are genuine and not taking the piss.

2bazookas · 12/01/2023 19:47

unpaid leave. The employee has milked it a bit, but let that be at their own expense.

Purplecatshopaholic · 12/01/2023 19:47

It should be mgr discretion and if that were me I would grant compassionate leave. Sometimes you need to consider the actual relationship (were they close) as opposed to what the letter of the policy says (that this relationship is considered too far removed to qualify).

Cakeandcardio · 12/01/2023 19:48

Fairydustandsparklylights · 12/01/2023 18:34

I’m a teacher in a secondary school. It would be unpaid leave and a very clear message that it’s completely unacceptable to be off for that reason.

I'm also a teacher and my school would give me paid sick leave / perhaps one day compassionate leave. It's a shame it isn't that way across the board.

anotheruser173 · 12/01/2023 19:48

I think I'd probably treat it as annual leave (or unpaid leave if preferred) unless this employee actually had more of a parent/child/sibling relationship with the deceased.

For a close relative, I'd treat it as compassionate leave, no questions asked. For an extended relative, it would depend on if they actually had a closer relationship than the name suggests.

I guess if someone had an existing mental health issue and this was a set back, I'd be inclined to go down the sick leave route.

Either way, I'd let the employee have the time off, and I'd figure out how to code it later.

Kentlassie · 12/01/2023 19:48

As a manager I would use my discretion for this to be taken as sick leave. When dd1 died I was only allowed 5 days off by my manager….(I then got signed off sick and ignored her for 3 months).

Oblomov22 · 12/01/2023 19:48

1 day for funeral, but only for immediate family. So the rest holiday/ unpaid leave.

strawberry2017 · 12/01/2023 19:50

You can have up to 5 days of special leave /compassionate leave in a riling year within the NHS.

x2boys · 12/01/2023 19:52

TerraNostra · 12/01/2023 19:41

I don’t understand this. What difference does a day off make in this situation?

Show quote history

It's the po!ity generally compassionate leave is granted for close relatives i e,children ,parents ,and less for a grandparent I obviously I hope some managers would use their discretion if say an emp!oyee,had a grandparent who was like a parent to them for example
but unfortunately the policy will be very clear .

strongallowed · 12/01/2023 19:52

We get 3 days special leave per year in our NHS trust. I always ask the individual what they want - they know if they use special leave up first, there's no going back to it.

Zone2NorthLondon · 12/01/2023 19:54

It’s not sickness,so no not sick leave
unpaid leave or AL. Not a direct family member. There will be guidance what constitutes family

atomickitty · 12/01/2023 19:54

I was in this situation with my great uncle. We were close, I was the only relative in the country and needed to be at the hospital while he was dying, sorting funeral arrangements, all the admin stuff.

The Civil Service dept I work in restricts compassionate leave to immediate family, great uncle wasn’t covered. I used my max 5 days special leave (paid leave that can only be used in extraordinary circumstances) and topped up with annual leave. It was a bit shit and I did feel like the amount of responsibility I had after his death is the reason that lengthier compassionate leave exists.

Penguinsaregreat · 12/01/2023 19:56

Where Ive worked time off for funeral only. Any extra time unpaid leave.

watchfulwishes · 12/01/2023 19:56

Mumma · 12/01/2023 19:32

There will be a nhs policy for berevement.

My company has a polixy you get 1 week berevement for a child, 3 days for a parent and the day of the funeral for anyone else close.

After that you have to take sick leave.

It will be a corporate stance.

I thought the law was now two weeks?

watchfulwishes · 12/01/2023 19:57

Following the death of child.

Moken · 12/01/2023 19:57

Sorry if you're the bereaved party, OP.

In my experience, this would be a day of compassionate leave for the funeral at best, any other days unpaid leave.

It seems harsh, but there has to be a sort-of line in the sand for these things.

Vitriolinsanity · 12/01/2023 19:58

I've had someone off, and expected compassionate paid leave, when their rabbit died.

Every case has its merits, someone may indeed be closer to an auntie than a mother.

That's what policy is for.

You can be devastated, but accept that your leave, if granted will be unpaid.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 12/01/2023 19:59

Nah I don’t buy that. It’s just life surely, and employers have to accept that people are humans who need some slack when bad shit happens. You just make sure that people are genuine and not taking the piss

yes. Not everyone has the same hierarchy of relationships in their lives based on nuclear families!

mrsbyers · 12/01/2023 20:00

Annual or unpaid leave , one day compassionate leave for the funeral

EmmaGrundyForPM · 12/01/2023 20:01

annual or unpaid leave.

x2boys · 12/01/2023 20:01

Kentlassie · 12/01/2023 19:48

As a manager I would use my discretion for this to be taken as sick leave. When dd1 died I was only allowed 5 days off by my manager….(I then got signed off sick and ignored her for 3 months).

I'm sorry for your loss
this has been my experience when I worked for the NHS, unfortunately compassionate leave even for a child is very brief but most managers would be supportive of their colleague taking as long as they needed as sick
This isn't the same but I remember when a I was a young nurse and my colleague who was also.a good friend lost her dad suddenly I was I duty when she.phoned and said she was,it ready to come back to work I spoke to my manager who.said I can't give her any more compassionate leave but off the record tell her to go off sick for as long as she needs .

TheGander · 12/01/2023 20:05

I work for the NHS. When my dad died after a long illness for which I was his main career, I got 2 days’ compassionate leave, one of which was for the funeral. The NHS is not always a compassionate employer.

Wonderfulstuff · 12/01/2023 20:05

On the assumption that there are no previous performance issues around attendance, then I always give compassionate leave. For me, being treated like a human being and compassion goes a long way to creating an environment that people actually want to work in.

SpringsRightAroundTheCorner · 12/01/2023 20:06

Well it depends what the policy is really, but a distant rele such as this I'd expect them to be unpaid or using annual leave. My husband's gran is very poorly (on end of life care), he was saying he will be allowed to have her funeral off as special leave paid (he's a teacher so can't just take days off randomly). He wouldn't get any other days off and this is his gran who he's close to.