Boyfriend wants a baby or will leave

[Nymeria6]

Been with DP for 8 years, lived together for 3. We have both just turned 38.

He wants a baby and I have been making excuses and delaying for 2 years. He has now given me an ultimatum saying he wants a family and I'm unfair if I don't and I have been stringing him along.

I have ongoing mental health issues which he can find difficult. I'm also left to do the bulk of the house work/decorating and totally responsible for our cat.

I'm exhausted all the time. I don't think I could deal with a baby right now. He's said or basically ordered me to get my coil out when we are back from our hol.

I don't want to lose him

women who decide they don’t want children only have the option of staying single forever with a cat 🙄

the suggestion I think was to leave him and move out with her cat. Not that she’d be forever alone

@Naunet

OP has stated already she wants children in the future. She needs to decide if it's with this man or she leaves and finds someone else.

I think it's a leap to decide this guy is no good based on this post alone. Especially when you look at previous posts detailing what he has to deal with from OP.

Sounds like both of them aren't ready for kids but at their age the only sensible advice is to make up your mind and do it bloody quickly.

You don’t think a man is a knob if he believes he has the right to ORDER a woman to remove her coil?!

OP originally said this:

"He wants a baby and I have been making excuses and delaying for 2 years. He has now given me an ultimatum saying he wants a family and I'm unfair if I don't and I have been stringing him along."

He gave an ultimatum. He's perfectly within his rights to do that. Baby, or we split. Fair enough. It's OP who has no right to string him along for years while she umms and aahs about some possible future baby in her forties.

She originally said He's said or basically ordered me to get my coil out when we are back from our hol.

"He's said or basically ordered me"

Well which is it? Said or ordered? OP thinks her cat is basically like a human baby so I think she has a penchant for drama.

In previous posts she said he confiscated a sander from her because she was endlessly sanding their home day in and out. The relationship sounds dramatic and utterly doomed.

But he is still within his rights to give OP a firm ultimatum. The only sensible outcome from this is for him to leave.

This.

He is a nasty loser.

Do not have a child with him.

It WILL destroy your MH when it is so fragile to have a baby with a bullying controlling, lazy man.

Well done for saying NO and being so responsible.

Get rid

Would you feel differently if he picked up his fair share of the household duties and proved to you that he was willing to be an equal parent? If it's his behaviour in this regard that is holding you back tell him and ask for change and
time to believe reasonably that he has made a lasting commitment, if you still wouldn't want to have children in the near feature regardless of the reasons you state, or are unsure if you ever will want children then be clear about that and if he's not ready to wait until if/when you are ready then perhaps it's necessary to call time.

yabu but only because it seems you stayed in this relationship where both of you wanted different things for as long as you did and have been stringing him along for two years.

he wants a family you don't. both are perfectly fine choices but are in the end incompatible.

my suggestion would be to break it off so you can both find a partner that is on the same page.

He has a right to give an ultimatum, yes. I would tell a woman whose partner was faffing about at 38 not really wanting a child to give an ultimatum.

Big red flag is that he so desperate for a baby but doesn’t appear to have offered you the security of marriage before trying for a baby.

I agree with this comment. You have been together 8 years, the question of whether you are committed to each other should have come up years ago and part of those discussions would be whether you saw kids in your future together. If he’s avoided commitment or avoided these discussions in the past then he’s only got himself to blame if you disagree on such an important life decision now.

Plenty of man-hating and projection on here, as usual.
For all we know, he could work a 40 hour week and the OP stays at home!
I'm not sure either of you sound like parent material though, and I would definitely advise against it. Having children can test even the strongest of relationships. And it's much harder than taking care of a cat.
Good luck with everything

@harrassedmumto3 both of them work full time?

They work full time but he does 3-4 12 hour days per week. The op says that he does cleaning some days but not others but I wouldn’t expect him to be doing cleaning other than tidying up after himself after a 12 hour shift. If he’s doing things on the other days then he doesn’t seem that bad

If you are not ready you need to let him go and allow him to find a new partner who he can form a loving relationship and have a baby. Ot would be unfair on him.

Let him go. You want different things and that's fine. It doesn't sound like you want a baby and nor should you be forced or made to feel you should. It's a massive thing and you both need to want it. If you don't then split.

@Fluffyzoompoles - you need to start your own post rather than attaching to someone else's old one

That’s what I thought I was doing but have done now for some reason it put it here

If you see having responsibility for a cat as being a big issue my guess is you shouldn’t consider a baby as it takes 100 x time and work as the most demanding cat!

Also, doesn’t matter too much if cat’s dinner or litter tray isn’t dealt with exactly on time … and you don’t need to get a babysitter or take the cat with you if you want to leave the house!

A 5 yo can look after a cat

Stupidest comment of the day. Show me a 5 year old who can buy the food, change the litter box, scoop cat shit from the garden, drive the cat to the vets, organise the shots and the check ups and the cattery and the meds if ill and the hoovering the hair, and cleaning up cat puke.