To Pay for a Strangers Shopping?

[NameChangeAgainandAgainandAgain]

I've name changed for this ...

There's a truly lovely thread on Chat called "What is the most memorable moment you shared with a stranger who you never saw again?".

There are many stories about the kindness of complete strangers and what a difference they have made to their life.

Some stories are incredibly moving and talk about how strangers have helped out when, for instance, a loved one has died.

Other stories talk about how a stranger has helped when things have been tough financially.

I know times are hard and reading all the posts has made me think that I'd like to, perhaps, pay for someone's basket of shopping in the supermarket, their petrol or buy someone a coffee etc.

Having read the impact this sort of thing has had on people, and how they remember it so many years on, I'd like to do this rather than donate as such.

How do you do this without being condescending or insulting? And how do you know who to do it to?

I wouldn't want any thanks as I'd probably run off quickly as I'd be embarrassed!

I paid some girls train ticket once because she got caught by the ticket inspector £80.

She insisted i give her my addy so she can send me the money.. Nothing came (shocker) 😅

You can't do it for random people, the chances are they'll feel affronted. I've done it a couple of times; once in the States when the young guy ahead of me had to keep taking things off the conveyor as he didn't have enough money. I pretended that he'd dropped a 50 dollar note and handed it to him. Another time a mum didn't have enough to buy her child some toy or somehting, can't remember the details, I just put it through on mine and gave it to her as she was leaving.

Yes you're right! I'll pick my moment (and person).

That's really kind of you to do that! I'm hoping they both took it the right way?

That is so lovely, it actually made me tear up 🥰

I've done it twice, both times when I noticed people were taking items from their shop in order to be able to pay for it. Both times people were a bit ashamed and I told them someone had done it for me a few years back, which was true. This took amost of the awkwardness away. One shop was clearly for a family with small children.

*most

I once borrowed a book from a book exchange (like the ones you might see at a park, a community centre or shopping centre where people can borrow a book or exchange it for another book).

While reading the book, about halfway through, I turned the page and a $20 note fell out.

It made my day. I was really skint and that $20 really helped me out.

Posted too soon. I meant to add that sometimes you can really help someone out anonymously.

I will never know who put that $20 note in that book and they will never know that the person who found it really needed it. Or that if that person paid it forward with their own act of kindness. I have.

I kind of like the randomness of it.

I’ve never been behind someone in a checkout queue that hasn’t had enough money but I would pay or help them out if this situation occurred.

I have paid for the shopping of a local lady who I recognised from her going around with her stroller collecting the cans and bottles from the bins in town. It was Xmas and I was feeling like I wanted to!

I do see a few posts on the fb local group where ppl have randomly paid for the car behinds food in a fast food drive through restaurant (am in Aus, not sure if they have drive through in the UK).

Be warned though there are some Cf’s out there, my friend’s DH thought he would try and make an elderly person’s day in Tesco. He Looked at the belt in front, calculated that it was roughly £75 of shopping. Said to the checkout lady ‘I’d like to pay for this person’s shopping’ the elderly person looked surprised, didn’t really say thank you and then when asked ‘any cash back?’ Said ‘yes, £100 please’ 😂

I once gave a young man £50 in a bank in central London as he was forced to discuss publicly in a queue of customers by an indiscreet bank employee the fact he worked in Selfridges and his wages had been cocked up for the second month in a row and he had no access to any funds. He only wanted to get £20 out to get to and from work. He absolutely insisted I gave him my details so he could pay me back (I said no ) but told him to pay it forward in the future if he wanted to. I fecking hate banks who do this to customers, like when the pharmacist asks you in a stage whisper why you need something personal 🙄

I do think it depends on the person and circumstance. I offered to pay a lady's parking once, her card wasn't going through on the machine and I had change. Tbh the queue was getting massive and she was just trying over and over and taking ages but she gave me a very firm no, almost quite rudely.

Another time I was in the post office and a girl being served had her card declined. She had a toddler with her who was getting upset and the queue was huge. I was a few people back but asked her if I could help by paying. She was so grateful, insisted that I gave my details so she could pay me back and she did (wasn't expecting it). I was honestly quite surprised no one else offered to help her as it was going on for a while.

I think little things can go a long way. Paying for a strangers' entire shop is iffy.. they could easily feel embarrassed, or being made a show of etc.

Whereas if you're behind someone in the queue, who is a few dollars/pounds short of paying, then yes absolutely. Have done that many times.

Charitable acts can go badly wrong, so I keep it small.

I think it's a good idea. You can't plan for it really the situation just happens. I was going to Sainsbury’s very early one morning, a young man looking quite disheveled came in snd asked if I'd buy him some good. I was a bit surprised as I didn't know what he wanted and if I'd have enough. Anyway he just wanted a meal deal and a couple of extras so he put it through the checkout and I hung about a bit snd paid - it was less than £10.

The other way is to maybe purchase a couple of super market vouchers snd give them to a school or church as they will know which families - may need help but don't qualify for example for a food bank referral / maybe parents are working, but low income or going through difficulties.

I like the idea of the random act that the recipient isn't expecting. That is a nice thing for them to look back on and to remember when a stranger helped them when things were difficult.

Personally I'm not sure I'd want to do it if someone asked.

@PreparationPreparationPrep 100% agree with this. My friend is a HT at a primary school and often needs to kit out kids who are victims of DV at very short notice. My DH’s work team instead of taking a token bonus at Xmas (gift hamper or similar) convert it to shopping vouchers and donate to that school which my friend uses throughout the year for such circumstances. The amount of kids who have no coat or shoes that fit increases every year.

Yesterday I was in a queue, the person in front wasn't allowed to buy two lemsip and two Calpol, apparently that's the law. She took one of each, and left one of each at the checkout. She left, then I bought the remaining items, found her loading her car and just said excuse me, these are for you hope you feel better soon. I put them on the car roof and walked off. Little things to brighten peoples day :)

I was in a nice but expensive ice cream parlour when a family came in, and said no to the children when they saw the prices.
I got a cone for each of the children.
Slightly p'd off when I saw them outside - parents had relieved the children of the ice creams to eat them themselves. 🤔

I've never paid for anyone's shopping, but just before Christmas I went to the supermarket in the evening and I only had three items.
All the tills were rammed and a fed up looking mum with a toddler in front of me had a trolley piled high.
She offered to let me go in front of her, which I was grateful for.
Right at the front of the lady's shopping which she had already put on the conveyor belt was an item which cost perhaps a fiver. I asked the checkout lady to swipe it through on mine, which she did.
I don't know if the fed up looking mum ever realised that she hadn't paid for that item, or worked out why she'd brought it home but it wasn't listed on her receipt.

Could they have been using it as a bookmark?

Well done, a small thing that probably went a long way.

I think when it comes to other peoples children it is better to ask the parents quietly and respectfully. There are reasons that they say no. It could be because the children have already had enough sweets and the parents don’t want them to have any more. Or they say no to buying a toy because their children have too many toys, and sometimes it’s beneficial to children to not get everything that they want or ask for.

Undermining parents or other adults in authority in front of the children has negative consequences for children. Conversely respecting parents or other adults in authority in front of the children has positive consequences for children.

Also, when I was a child we were taught stranger danger and to never accept lollies, or toys etc from strangers. For obvious reasons. Predators will use these sorts of tactics to lure children.

Not all strangers are dangerous or predatory but children will not always be able to tell the difference between a Good Samaritan type or a dangerous person pretending to be a good person. So, I don’t think it’s wise to set a precedent of accepting food or toys or gifts from strangers.

A person I didn’t know tried to give my dd a brand new barbie doll in the shopping centre car park. She went to accept it but I said no. Then I said to the person that I appreciate that they were trying to be nice but no thanks. They looked a bit offended and shook their head as they walked away.

I explained to my dd that we don’t accept gifts from strangers because we don’t know if they are a good person or a bad person.

@Cariadz They could have been using it as a book mark and forgot about it. But then why get to halfway through a book and not finish it? It wasn’t a very long novel. Usually people can tell if they won’t enjoy the book before halfway through. Also, the $20 dollar note was well hidden so it wasn’t sticking out or noticeable. Bookmarks are usually placed so that it is easier to find the page you are up to.

I like to think that someone was wanting to do something kind.

When I was 6 days postpartum and starting to run out of ibuprofen and paracetamol and was still in a ton of pain having had a 3rd degree tear. I went to the checkout with 2 boxes ibuprofen and 2 boxes of paracetamol pushing my tiny baby in a pram and looking very pale and tired. The checkout lady said she can't sell me all of em as there is a 2 box limit and she will get done if she lets me get em. I accepted and just took a box of each knowing that means instead of going home with my newborn I'd have to go to another shop to get more tablets. The lady behind me on the till ran after me, she had bought and put the boxes I'd left under my pram. It made me cry even though it was just pain relief it was very kind of the lady.

Yes. There’s a lot to be said for looking on the bright side of things.

I can remember being overjoyed because I found 5 pounds in a coat pocket on a day when I really needed it.

@ThinWomansBrain Maybe the children tasted the icecream and didn’t like it or want any more. So instead of throwing them away the parents ate them.

I’ve done that for my dd. She wants an icecream or milkshake or cupcake, takes two bites or two sips and then she doesn’t want any more.