To Pay for a Strangers Shopping?

[NameChangeAgainandAgainandAgain]

I've name changed for this ...

There's a truly lovely thread on Chat called "What is the most memorable moment you shared with a stranger who you never saw again?".

There are many stories about the kindness of complete strangers and what a difference they have made to their life.

Some stories are incredibly moving and talk about how strangers have helped out when, for instance, a loved one has died.

Other stories talk about how a stranger has helped when things have been tough financially.

I know times are hard and reading all the posts has made me think that I'd like to, perhaps, pay for someone's basket of shopping in the supermarket, their petrol or buy someone a coffee etc.

Having read the impact this sort of thing has had on people, and how they remember it so many years on, I'd like to do this rather than donate as such.

How do you do this without being condescending or insulting? And how do you know who to do it to?

I wouldn't want any thanks as I'd probably run off quickly as I'd be embarrassed!

I paid for a stranger's parking once (I've done this loads actually because I have aaalllll the apps on my phone!)
This particular time it was only £1 and she hadn't realised the carpark had gone cashless and couldn't get enough data to download the app.
I told her I was doing it, tapped it through and said enjoy your day.
She ran to her car and got a £5 note out and when I point blank refused to take it she tucked it into the top of my swimming costume and walked off 😮😂 (we were at a river and most people go there for the same hobby so people tend to be more friendly than other places but still it was a bit unexpected!)

I thought it was hilarious! I'm still not on profit though, I've lost count of how many £1 parking I've put through over the years 😆

I paid for someone's shopping a couple of months back. They were obviously distressed, trying to put things back from her shopping to match what she had in her bank. She was trying to ring her mum to transfer money into her account. She had a young child with her.

She may have been trying to pull a fast one but her distress seemed real to me. I put all her things back in her basket and paid for her.

She wanted my details to pay me back but, like others, I said to her if she wanted to she could pay it forward some other time in her life if she were able.

I'd like to think I wasn't the only person who, if they could, would have stepped in and paid.

It’s nice to pay for someone’s bus fare or similar if they are short but just paying for a totally random persons shopping seems really a bit odd and very self congratulatory.

Does anyone else remember the woman in Australia who was given flowers and really wasn’t happy about it (understandably!)

I mean, if you have money to burn there are any number of worthy organisations!

There is a cafe near me that also acts as a community hub and they have a sign at the counter that says that if you're struggling there are some meals already paid for by others and to just ask or point to the sign if it's busy.

I know the lady that runs the place and she says a few times a week people who are able to will add an extra fiver or tenner when they pay for this 'pot'. Perhaps see if you have anything like that locally, perhaps a place where the elderly might visit frequently to get out of the house for example? To get something warm inside them.

Posters saying don’t buy for kids when parents say no and I agree.

I paid for a child on their own once though. He was trying to buy a Mother’s Day card and when he got to the till and counted his change he didn’t have enough and went off to put it back. Touched my heart

A few years ago I was at a petrol station and a young soldier could not get the taxi fare, to get back to camp, out of his bank account. Was stood there with a large heavy box. I heard him calling various people or help and no one could
come and get him.

I approached him and explained my son was currently applying to the army and I wanted to help. Paid for his taxi back to camp. He was in tears. Asking for my name and number - I just told him when you are middle aged maybe you can help a young person own time and pay it forward.

I still think of him and hope he safe and happy.

This can also go wrong. I took DS to the barbers and it was £6 I tried to pay with £10 our and she didn’t have change and didn’t take card. She was going to walk to the post office and get change so I offered to pop in and pay on the way back from the supermarket to save her going out.

Went to Lidl then called in and paid on the way home and then bumped into the old gent who had been waiting in the barbers who told me to treat DS as he’d paid the barber.

CF had taken money off both of us, never used her again.

We managed to pay for a cafe meal for a lovely Ukrainian woman and her son. We were sharing a table with them. The little boy was playing with his plastic dinosaur figure and being absolutely lovely. He was delighted when my husband told him he was a geologist who'd seen real dinosaur bones. The woman's husband was fighting in Ukraine. We left before them, went to the til and paid for their lunch.
It was the nicest thing that happened to us all week.
But I wouldn't have done it less anonymously

I once paid for the morning after pill for a 17 year old who had been given spectacularly bad advice (not just about the choice of boy) about how she could access it for free.
The chemist didn't have the free ones or the ones that cost £20 so expected her to find £35.

We both cried. I was livid for her, she was just scared.

I wouldn't do it for fear of embarrassing the person but I do like to do a bit of anonymous gift giving if I can. I heard that someone in the community was struggling with an unexpected expense for their child so put some cash in a card through their letterbox. Didn't want to freak them out, so just said that I knew times were tough, wanted to help etc but didn't sign the card.

I've never had the opportunity to help a stranger (mostly of fear of embarrassing them) but I quite like the American idea of 'paying it forward' and when you go to a drive thru, paying for the order behind you. The person won't know until they get to the window and you can avoid any upset/embarrassment. In theory it then encourages them to pay it forward for someone else.

Nothing big, but was queuing for food at a football match and the young boy in front asked how much a portion of chips was. He obviously didn't have enough so left the queue; added a portion on to our order and gave them to him.

I’ve paid for someone’s shopping when they didn’t have enough money but it was spontaneous not planned. I did it because someone once did it for me when I was a really poor student.
i’ e done similar things, you don’t need to plan it, if you look around you’ll see lots of opportunities to help people in small or big ways!
once took a woman’s baby in a place for a few hours - she was exhausted, baby crying, so I walked him so she could go to loo and have a minute.
little bugger fell asleep so I kept him, and told her to nap. They both ended up sleeping the rest of the flight, him on my lap and lady across the aisle. It was no bother to me, not really, and she was a different person once she’d had a bit of sleep!

On a plane that should be

Buy a load of food for a food bank op.

Buy a hot drink and some lunch for your local big issue seller.

@Getinajollymood nothing self congratulatory in being in a position to help someone. In my case the woman's shopping was about £25 so not a big deal to me, but was to her. I never told anyone else about it before as never felt the need.

I give to various charities if that makes any difference to you???

My son died aged 18 and during his illness many people, even strangers, helped me. I was happy to help someone.

I think paying for someone else's things on random basis is self congratulatory too. I think it's more about making a public gesture than being genuinely charitable.

I'd be pleased to offer to help someone if they needed it but I'd never randomly offer to pay for someone's shop I g for example.
People who post on Facebook etc telling people they have done this are really naff -

We had someone post a picture of themselves handing a 'homeless' man some food on our local Facebook page.

It's so smug and boastful. She was t raising awareness for the need to help people she was raising awareness for herself!

You need to pick your person/moment carefully.
I was using a self checkout at a small supermarket near DS school and there were a lot of people in there that knew me. A new card had arrived but I forgot to activate it so it was refused. I was fumbling around for a different card when a lady came over and offered to pay, I said it was ok I had another card but she loudly started going on about how I shouldn’t be embarrassed and it could happen to anyone as times were hard. I told her I was fine but she said I should just “pay it forward”.
I am sure her motives were good but it was bloody embarrassing and unnecessary

My DS1 does things like this, once paid a passenger’s bus fare, when the driver was going to chuck her off the bus because she didn’t have enough to cover the fare.

He was out for a walk one afternoon, I thought he was longer than usual, came in and said he had cut an elderly persons lawn, he saw them struggling and said, shall I finish that off for you, they agreed so he did.

Yes, but that’s a bit different, @minmooch - you saw someone who appeared to be in need. It’s like the difference between giving someone homeless a couple of pounds and approaching someone random with £2 on the off chance they need it.

It’s your money and it is up to you what you do with it. I just can’t personally imagine being behind someone in the supermarket going about their day and deciding they need their shopping paid for! I wouldn’t be thrilled if someone decided to do that for me - I’d be thinking we looked awfully scruffy or something!

You can also help someone just by being aware of your surroundings as you shop too.

Last year I was in a big, busy supermarket and there was a man standing and staring at the food in the freezer section where I wanted to be. I just said 'excuse me' and leaned in to get what I wanted and he said to me, 'how did you know I didn't want that?'

I looked at him and could tell he was joking, so I said 'you can have it if you'd like it....' He just laughed but as I walked away I heard him say, 'it was just nice to talk to someone'.

I was so busy that I hardly clocked what he said until about 30 seconds later when I'd left the aisle. To this day I wish I'd gone back and asked him if he was ok. Sometimes you can do the biggest thing just by listening, engaging, smiling.

‘I think paying for someone else's things on random basis is self congratulatory too.’

is it? It’s between you and that person. No one else needs to know. The time I did it I just turned back and said, ‘please, let me get these bits for you’ while hitting the payment terminal with my card and when the woman was a bit oh you don’t have to I just said, someone did it for me once and left her to it.
and other than on here I’m not sure I’ve even mentioned it to anyone.

small acts of kindness can really help someone’s days. I’ve had strangers give me coins for parking, or to use a loo at a train station, I had a guy once give me the money i was short on a train fare ( probably cos he was in a hurry and I was hogging the machine, but still!), people help me with the kids buggy on steps, people helping me on planes when I travelled home with a baby and a toddler.
Nothing self congratulating about being open to helping someone else when you can, if you can.

It’s only an act of kindness if you are sure the recipient wants it, though.

I do think people should be aware that there is the potential to cause quite a lot of embarrassment and upset. Having kind intentions doesn’t mean we can or should completely overlook this.

Other people do not exist to give us a warm fuzzy glow.

Or to give you the opportunity to brag about it on Social Media

I like hearing these stories. @KatyN 's story was lovely, and she did a genuine good need, and shone a light on a problem