Page 8 | Singe dad co sleeping with 7 year old daughter

Pancake2463 · 2023-01-12T01:29:19+00:00

Hello, Something crossed my mind that seems a bit unusual in my opinion. Is it normal or okay for a single dad to cosleep with a 7 year old daughter? Just found it unusual and concerned a little bit. Am I being unreasonable to question this? Problem is these people are my very close family members and I don't want to start something but also concerned for the child.

StephanieSuperpowers · 12/01/2023 13:07

Yes but people shutting down the idea that something sinister could be going on, and possibly making OP feel silly for worrying is a lot worse than ‘unnecessary’. It is downright remiss, possibly dangerously so, and then we wonder how abusers get away with their shit for so long!

Quite. I find it odd that a single man is sleeping with a child every night and that child does not have a bedroom of their own so can't really go anywhere else. Even if the child is not being sexually abused, it sounds too enmeshed or parentified to be fully comfortable.

OP, we have instincts for a reason and we should use them.

StephanieSuperpowers · 12/01/2023 13:10

It could be that dad is lonely/depressed and sleeping next to his child is a comfort for him, rather than anything sinister.

Sinister isn't quite the right word, but adults should not be using their children in this way.

Calphurnia88 · 12/01/2023 13:14

Quite. I find it odd that a single man is sleeping with a child every night and that child does not have a bedroom of their own so can't really go anywhere else. Even if the child is not being sexually abused, it sounds too enmeshed or parentified to be fully comfortable.

Exactly. It doesn't have to be nefarious for it to be against the best interests of the child.

What happens if/when she has friends over to play? Surely she's at an age where friends will want to go and see her bedroom. They will no doubt find it strange that she doesn't have one. What if they tell their parents?

OP definitely needs to check this out.

Mamamia32 · 12/01/2023 13:30

StephanieSuperpowers · 12/01/2023 13:10

It could be that dad is lonely/depressed and sleeping next to his child is a comfort for him, rather than anything sinister.

Sinister isn't quite the right word, but adults should not be using their children in this way.

Oh I completely agree, which is why I also said someone needs to tell him if his daughter finds it embarrassing. Just trying to put myself into the shoes of a single parent who wants to co sleep.

Op nobody can really give you a definite answer I'm afraid about what's going on. But I would take from this thread that it is definitely unusual for a seven year old not to have her own bedroom.

WetBandits · 12/01/2023 13:39

PinkSyCo · 12/01/2023 12:55

Cool story.

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Is there anything unusual or unbelievable in what I said or something?

liveforsummer · 12/01/2023 13:41

Is there anything unusual or unbelievable in what I said or something?

I think it's more that it is totally irrelevant to what is happening in this post

PinkSyCo · 12/01/2023 13:46

WetBandits · 12/01/2023 13:39

Is there anything unusual or unbelievable in what I said or something?

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What @liveforsummer said. And the fact that I think it is so wrong of you to accuse OP of having a strange mindset.

WetBandits · 12/01/2023 13:46

liveforsummer · 12/01/2023 13:41

Is there anything unusual or unbelievable in what I said or something?

I think it's more that it is totally irrelevant to what is happening in this post

I didn’t RTFT admittedly, just the OP. Apologies if I missed a big drip feed or something.

worstusernameeverx2 · 12/01/2023 15:22

Children need support and love from their fathers just as much as they need it from their mothers

Calphurnia88 · 12/01/2023 15:57

WetBandits · 12/01/2023 13:46

I didn’t RTFT admittedly, just the OP. Apologies if I missed a big drip feed or something.

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Yep, OP posted a follow up:

I am concerned for the child because she is a close family member of mine. She seemed really embarrassed about it. It's a large house with extra rooms but no bedroom of her own. Just needed some reassurance from others that I have not missed a potentially abused child that's all.

Assuming the house she's referring to is the child's family home, it does seem a bit odd that she wouldn't have her own bedroom.

Jessxpoppy · 13/01/2023 20:12

love this 💜

MrsSkylerWhite · 13/01/2023 20:26

trebarwith1 · Yesterday 09:30
My 8 year old sleeps in her dad's bed more often than not when she stays with him. I have no issue at all. They miss out on time together and I understand them wanting to make the most of the weekends. She still comes into bed with me sometimes too, and my 2 year old son is a permanently in my bed!”

They have their own rooms, though, should they wish to sleep in them?

In which case, all good. To insist that a child sleeps with you and not give them an alternative when they are uncomfortable with the arrangement is out of order. Obviously. (In an house where space isn’t an issue, also obviously).

Original poster

Pancake2463 · 14/01/2023 05:19

Thank you for all your responses. It helps me to see from different angles.

I will inquire gently with the child why she is embarrassed. The situation just seemed a bit odd to me.

Too many times when children are abused family members do not see this or choose not to believe it. I don't want to be part of those statistics. However, this is worst case scenario I think it could be possible that both dad and child find comfort since the mother left. Plus I don't think the dad has a clue how to do up a room for her.

OP posts:

Zanatdy · 14/01/2023 05:23

Why not. My bf has a 6yr old who regularly sleeps with him, as he has custody. Are you suggesting men should take the child straight back to bed incase someone suggests they are inappropriate? Madness

StephanieSuperpowers · 14/01/2023 07:10

However, this is worst case scenario I think it could be possible that both dad and child find comfort since the mother left.

Please understand that an adult sleeping with a child on an ongoing basis for comfort is a type of abuse. It's not a reason to feel sorry for him.

And the thing about not knowing how to put a bed in a room? Come on.

Calphurnia88 · 14/01/2023 08:50

Zanatdy · 14/01/2023 05:23

Why not. My bf has a 6yr old who regularly sleeps with him, as he has custody. Are you suggesting men should take the child straight back to bed incase someone suggests they are inappropriate? Madness

RTFT.

The child doesn't have her own bed to be taken back to. Even if there is nothing untoward happening, it's not normal for a 7yo to not have their own bedroom.

TicketBoo23 · 14/01/2023 09:00

She should have her own room to sleep in.

Whether she chooses to use it or not is up to her.

You seem like a very good person op.

liveforsummer · 14/01/2023 09:24

Pancake2463 · 14/01/2023 05:19

Thank you for all your responses. It helps me to see from different angles.

I will inquire gently with the child why she is embarrassed. The situation just seemed a bit odd to me.

Too many times when children are abused family members do not see this or choose not to believe it. I don't want to be part of those statistics. However, this is worst case scenario I think it could be possible that both dad and child find comfort since the mother left. Plus I don't think the dad has a clue how to do up a room for her.

Perhaps you could offer to help set up a room. Explain a 7 year old really should have one. It's not appropriate for the def to be using her for comfort like that either. Ok for the dc to be but she absolutely needs to have the option

lookluv · 14/01/2023 09:55

My 11 yr old finally stopped co sleeping with me - after a traumatic split, grand parent deaths and major illnesses. His 9 yr old brother rarely co slept but did have every soft toy in the house in bed with him instead.

My mother in law said -they will stop when they are ready, never discussed it with anyone as realise people can be very opinionated on this subject. It worked for all of us - we all slept and felt safe.

Then bloody covid hit and they were both in bed with me - after a shift in the hospital, I could have done with my space and rest but like the world they were unsettled. Gradually drifted off as things returned to normal and I finlly get my whole bed to myself.

Have 2 very well adjusted normal teen/preteens - they tell me they needed to know I was breathing during covid and they could reach out a hand and check.

Glorianna · 14/01/2023 10:00

She seemed really embarrassed about it. It's a large house with extra rooms but no bedroom of her own.

Poor mite. YANBU, she really needs a bedroom of her own.

Is the dad being lazy? Someone really need step in here, where is the mum?

jeaux90 · 14/01/2023 10:05

Not unreasonable to co sleep.

Definitely unreasonable she doesn't have her own bedroom though.

His daughter isn't an emotional crutch, she needs her own space.

It will be very embarrassing for her when she has play dates or starts sleepovers.

If you are close to him I'd definitely be having that conversation.

mumofblu · 14/01/2023 10:14

You said that she seems embarrassed, why do you think this is ?

There are extra rooms so space isn't an issue .
Is cost of bed an issue ?

It may be thoughtless ness on dads part realising his little girl growing up , and maybe likes the time if co parenting .

I would speak to dad about her needing her own room because she's growing up , etc

But the child seeming uncomfortable/ embarrassed is a red flag for me .

Perhaps have a word with her about you being there if she needs to talk about anything .

I worked in child protection and we always had a saying

Better to do something and be wrong than do nothing.

Does she have a good relationship with you ?

PinkSyCo · 14/01/2023 10:48

Pancake2463 · 14/01/2023 05:19

Thank you for all your responses. It helps me to see from different angles.

I will inquire gently with the child why she is embarrassed. The situation just seemed a bit odd to me.

Too many times when children are abused family members do not see this or choose not to believe it. I don't want to be part of those statistics. However, this is worst case scenario I think it could be possible that both dad and child find comfort since the mother left. Plus I don't think the dad has a clue how to do up a room for her.

Then he had better hurry up and get a clue, or is he planning on sharing a bed with his daughter forever?