Singe dad co sleeping with 7 year old daughter

[Pancake2463]

Hello,

Something crossed my mind that seems a bit unusual in my opinion. Is it normal or okay for a single dad to cosleep with a 7 year old daughter? Just found it unusual and concerned a little bit.

Am I being unreasonable to question this?

Problem is these people are my very close family members and I don't want to start something but also concerned for the child.

I don’t see an issue? My parents split up when I was 5, my Dad had a 1 bedroom cottage at the time and was working away, when he would come home I would sleep over, I remember wanting to share the bed because why not? But he would always sleep on the sofa. Maybe my Mum said something similar to him or gave him the impression that he shouldn’t be doing that, I don’t know. What’s weird about sharing a bed with your parent when you’re young? What if it was a son and a mother?

I slept with 7 year old son. What's the issue??

Just read your second post OP. If there are other beds and the girl is embarrassed then something is concerning. Maybe try and have
a chat with her to see what’s going on and if she likes sharing the bed and how often and why.

Maybe the dad is just waiting for her to say she is no longer comfortable sharing a bed before setting up her own space.

I wouldn't jump to the worst case scenario, tbh it's a bit concerning you automatically jump to the dad is a pedo rather than talking to the dad first. I would mention his daughter is embarrassed, maybe it's time she had her own room.

Read the OPs second post.

Chances are it's innocent, a habit which the father doesn't realise the child isn't 100% happy with now. As there are spare rooms, she should certainly have her own now and it should be entirely her choice if she wants to have a cuddle with her dad.

The thing is abuse does happen. When you do regular CP training see the statistics (and the fact it's frequently a close family member) it's startling. Co sleeping is absolutely not a red flag on it's own. The update that the dc is uncomfortable is potentially one. This depends on whether she's embarrassed/uncomfortable with the situation (this doesn't have to be abuse either, she could just want her own bed which she should have if that's the case, and would then be a concern) or whether she's just a bit embarrassed about other people knowing she wants to sleep with her dad. It's also not clear if this is a regular thing or was once off. Again if she hadn't wanted to, other arrangements should have been made. Something about the situation has made the OP feel uneasy and that shouldn't necessarily be ignored just because other people sleep with their dc.

In general terms it’s fine - provided the kid has their own bed to go to, and they’re choosing to get in bed with dad

i don’t think it’s on for a child of that age not to have their own bed to sleep in

Of course this is as long as there are no other reasons to be concern about the parent - whether male or female - a normal parent of either sex should be able to co sleep with their child if the child wants thst.

My 8 yo DS still gets into bed with me - luckily I have a huge bed all to myself so doesn’t disturb me.

Missed the update that she’s not comfortable. In which case someone really ought to have a friendly word with dad about it - someone he’s likely to listen to.

Still doesn’t necessarily mean abuse - he might just be a lazy parent who can’t be bothered to sort out a bedroom for her, but does mean he needs to pull his socks up if that’s the case.

She should have the option to sleep privately if she chooses.

I don't think co sleeping is an issue. Does she have her own bedroom?

I am the wrong person to ask as I believe that unless a child feels unwell or is very upset, they belong in their own bed at all times, at any age.

🤦🏽‍♀️

I think providing there are no signs of abuse then I wouldn't worry.

Has anything happened recently in the child's life which may cause insecurity?

I ask because I did this but even older than the child in question here!

My mum suddenly upped and left when I was about 12 and it really messed me up. I ended up sleeping in my dad's room for about 6 months because I was just so anxious and nervous all the time. Looking back now I think I was scared of him leaving me too and I just felt more comfortable if he was close by.

I'd have been embarrassed to tell anyone as well but there was nothing sinister going on, I was really struggling at the time and it was the only way I managed to sleep.

Ps. My dad is the best dad ever so definitely nothing weird!

I think being embarrassed by something and not comfortable with it are different things.

As I said in my post above, I'd have been embarrassed to tell anyone about me doing this too. But I wasn't uncomfortable doing it.

I think being embarrassed by something and not comfortable with it are different things.

Maybe, and maybe not.
7 is around the age when many kids no longer unselfconsciously shed their clothes in front of other people.

But being forced to co sleep is!

Missed the update that she’s not comfortable. In which case someone really ought to have a friendly word with dad about it - someone he’s likely to listen to.

It's not actually clear if she's not comfortable or if she's just not comfortable with other people knowing. This is the important part for OP to consider

What has that got to do with anything? We are talking about co sleeping not shedding clothes.

The point was, just because a child is embarrassed about telling other people something, doesn't mean they are actually uncomfortable when doing said thing.

My oldest son would be embarrassed to tell his friends he still wants a cuddle from time to time. Doesn't mean he's uncomfortable when having a cuddle.

We don't have enough info her to say whether the child is being forced or not. She might just never have wanted her own room so they haven't done one up for her. We cannot possibly summarise from the vague info OP has given here in 2 posts that this child is being abused or forced to do anything.

If it is the child’s choice then fine. If they’d rather have their own bed but are made to co sleep - not so much.

Agreed. And just because the child was embarrassed to tell OP doesn't mean it's not her choice either.

OP is the parent not someone who you are close enough with to discuss this with just in a general way? If it's a close family member, who is it? Your brother? Brother in law? Your sisters ex? If so, could you ask her?

You've just made that up yourself!!!

How on earth is it made up? The OP themselves mentioned potential abuse and it being concerning. Hardly a huge stretch to suggest she's concerned this person may be a paedophile.

Sounds normal

My eight year old GC still sleeps with my DD, she co sleeps at her Dad's as well. Starts off in her own bed and gets in with them later. She's embarrassed about it, but it's her choice. I'd chat about her having her own bedroom because she should have one in a house which has spare rooms, even if she is still in with Dad after her's being set up. My GC was seven when she picked her bedding etc but didn't sleep in it for a good few months. She does have ADHD.