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AIBU?

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Original poster

Singe dad co sleeping with 7 year old daughter

198 replies

Pancake2463 · 12/01/2023 01:29

Hello,

Something crossed my mind that seems a bit unusual in my opinion. Is it normal or okay for a single dad to cosleep with a 7 year old daughter? Just found it unusual and concerned a little bit.

Am I being unreasonable to question this?

Problem is these people are my very close family members and I don't want to start something but also concerned for the child.

OP posts:
PinkSyCo · 12/01/2023 08:05

Notparticularlyslappable · 12/01/2023 07:57

Parents who find it "weird" or "inappropriate" to share a bed with your own offspring must be very sad people.

Nothing better than a snuggle with the kids, especially if its been a difficult day with them. It's a great opportunity to reconnect.

I have to operate a strict rota with mine though else I'd never get any bed space 😂

And to be perfectly frank, if I wanted to sexually assault my own children I'd just go in their bedrooms and do it. Don't need to be co-sleeping for that to occur 🤷‍♂️

No one is saying that there is anything wrong in snuggling up in bed with your willing child. Everyone ( I would hope) has done that. But forcing your child to share a bed with you permanently, when there is absolutely no need for it, is wrong!

Widgets · 12/01/2023 08:07

OP your second post raises red flags, you are right to be concerned

Quartz2208 · 12/01/2023 08:09

I am a massive supporter of cosleeping (DS is going through some anxiety issues at 10 and often does) and DD still at nearly 14 likes to have a morning cuddle.

But it is their choice and their boundaries and decision and they both have their own rooms.

The fact she is embarrassed and doesnt have her own space is a different thing.

LetsDoThis2023 · 12/01/2023 08:21

Weird that it's a large house and no room of her own.

But maybe she needs reassurance at night and chooses to sleep with her dad. That's not weird that's parenting.

My 10 year old son often nips into my bed in the middle of the night if he can't sleep. He also LOVES it if his big brother sleeps in with him.

Do you have any other reason to worry about this man op?

Redkettle · 12/01/2023 08:31

The girl has no bedroom! She is not his wife. Red flags!!!!

emmylousings · 12/01/2023 08:35

Don't see the problem. If others do, I think it's them that are wierd.

123woop · 12/01/2023 08:40

Wagsandclaws · 12/01/2023 02:06

My 30 yo pregnant Dd is currently snoring next to me whilst her Dh and my Dh are both away on business at the same time ( separately ).

Her 10 yo brother is the other side of her snuggled up.

It's normal, I have 5 ranging from 30 down to 10 and they have always played musical beds in one way or another.

It doesn't matter if it's a dad or Mum imho. They have always had their own beds though.

I love this ❤️🤣

Thesonglastslonger · 12/01/2023 08:40

If it’s child-led it’s fine. If he’s insisting on sharing a bedroom against the child’s wishes then that’s not fine.

I wouldn’t assume it’s sexual. Kids wake up ALL the time with nightmares, growing pains, hungry, thirsty, bored etc and parents get fed up of marching back and forth at 2am between bedrooms. Much easier simply to be in a double bed and mumble “It was just a dream go back to sleep”.

liveforsummer · 12/01/2023 08:43

Notparticularlyslappable · 12/01/2023 07:57

Parents who find it "weird" or "inappropriate" to share a bed with your own offspring must be very sad people.

Nothing better than a snuggle with the kids, especially if its been a difficult day with them. It's a great opportunity to reconnect.

I have to operate a strict rota with mine though else I'd never get any bed space 😂

And to be perfectly frank, if I wanted to sexually assault my own children I'd just go in their bedrooms and do it. Don't need to be co-sleeping for that to occur 🤷‍♂️

It's not weird and inappropriate to share a bed with your dc who wants to be there. It's weird and inappropriate for them not to have their own bed in a large house and potentially weird an inappropriate that the dc is embarrassed about it (depending on the reason for the embarrassment)

MrsSkylerWhite · 12/01/2023 08:47

MrsPeachBottom · Today 07:26
This Dad is fine.

The child is 7.

If he’s a paedaphile then sleeping in the same bed won’t be an indicator.

I can’t think of any other reason it’s an issue.

The whole bed thing is a Victorian hang“

You can’t possibly know that.
The child does not have her own room in a large house and is unhappy with the arrangement. That’s issue enough.

PollyPrissypants · 12/01/2023 08:47

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Friendlyplover · 12/01/2023 08:49

She should have her own room.

Calphurnia88 · 12/01/2023 08:54

Pancake2463 · 12/01/2023 04:58

I am concerned for the child because she is a close family member of mine. She seemed really embarrassed about it. It's a large house with extra rooms but no bedroom of her own. Just needed some reassurance from others that I have not missed a potentially abused child that's all.

This might be a silly question, but when you say 'it's a large house...' do you mean she doesn't have a bedroom in her own home? Or was this a scenario where they were staying in another family members home (e.g. at Christmas) and were 'forced' to co-sleep because there weren't enough beds? I'm a bit unclear on this point.

I don't think a father co-sleeping with his daughter is a worry in itself. And she could be embarrassed because she doesn't want people to know she's co-sleeping at 7. But if you're saying she doesn't have the option of sleeping alone (because she doesn't have a bedroom) and she's embarrassed, this would raise alarms.

AnuSTart · 12/01/2023 09:08

She probably seemed embarrassed because she could sense your disquiet @Pancake2463 .

It's normal behaviour. My 8 year old son gets into our bed every night and snuggles up. All my kids did or still do.
My 23 year old fell asleep next to me over Christmas as there was nothing suspicious about it at all.

liveforsummer · 12/01/2023 09:12

This might be a silly question, but when you say 'it's a large house...' do you mean she doesn't have a bedroom in her own home? Or was this a scenario where they were staying in another family members home (e.g. at Christmas) and were 'forced' to co-sleep because there weren't enough beds? I'm a bit unclear on this point.

Yes this is another good point. If the large house the child's home with the dad or somewhere they were staying where she was maybe scared to sleep in another room and she's embarrassed about being scared at age 7? No where near enough info to decide whether this is normal and ok or a bit of a concern

Rewis · 12/01/2023 09:17

On it's own it's not concerning. However, if she has no own room and doesn't want to co-sleep, then that's concerning.

Whatsfordinnerglutenfree · 12/01/2023 09:21

I think it’s a red flag. How many posters on here have been abused, whilst family looked the other way. The child needs her own private room.

ACynicalDad · 12/01/2023 09:30

If you spot other potentially risky behaviours then I'd be concerned and it may be part of a wider picture, but on its own, it's fairly normal. I am presuming it's of her own free will and she has a bed of her own if she wants it.

trebarwith1 · 12/01/2023 09:30

My 8 year old sleeps in her dad's bed more often than not when she stays with him. I have no issue at all. They miss out on time together and I understand them wanting to make the most of the weekends. She still comes into bed with me sometimes too, and my 2 year old son is a permanently in my bed!

rainbowstardrops · 12/01/2023 09:32

I'd be having a gentle chat with her. See if she's happy etc

jtaeapa · 12/01/2023 09:37

Mine are teens now (boy and girl) - either of them happy to sleep in bed with me or dh when they were 7. Given the choice they absolutely would.

CascaChan · 12/01/2023 09:42

OP did the dad tell you this or did the child? Did you find out by accident? I think this situation warrants closer scrutiny….It’s not normal to give give your child no option other than to sleep in bed with you when you have the means to do so. It seems likely to be for his comfort too, and that’s not right!

Nameneeded · 12/01/2023 09:52

YABU. Co sleeping is wonderful but the world has not moved on enough yet to acknowledge the benefits it has.

caoraich · 12/01/2023 09:53

Totally fine as long as all are happy with it and she has a room of her own. I used to appear in my parents bed well into primary school, regardless of whether mum or dad or both were in there (they both worked nights sometimes)

Nameneeded · 12/01/2023 09:54

Whatsfordinnerglutenfree · 12/01/2023 09:21

I think it’s a red flag. How many posters on here have been abused, whilst family looked the other way. The child needs her own private room.

Many abused children had their own beds. Co sleeping in and of itself is not a red flag for abuse.

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