Singe dad co sleeping with 7 year old daughter

[Pancake2463]

Hello,

Something crossed my mind that seems a bit unusual in my opinion. Is it normal or okay for a single dad to cosleep with a 7 year old daughter? Just found it unusual and concerned a little bit.

Am I being unreasonable to question this?

Problem is these people are my very close family members and I don't want to start something but also concerned for the child.

If the dc would like to have their own space, then you could support them to tell their dad? Or do they like to share the bed, but are embarrassed about people knowing? If it is that, I'd just reassure her it is no big deal.

What gives you suspicion that the close family member is a paedophile OP?
Clearly that's where your chain of thought is going.

My DS (7) would sleep in my bed every night if he got the chance, ( he loves a weekend sleepover when DH is working)

He also would be embarrassed to admit it in front of others!

Co sleeping, no issue if it is the child’s choice. However, this girl needs to have a space of her own in that large house so that she can have fun with friends on playdates, sleepovers and be alone if she chooses. At 7, she will be starting to get a little more autonomy.

iIt's a large house with extra rooms but no bedroom of her own.

Then in this instance it's not appropriate. This isn't about a child coming in for a cuddle and comfort in the night it's about a child having no choice but to share with her father. I don't think it's necessarily anything sinister unless there is no reason why she can't have a room of her own but her father flat out refuses

It is only inappropriate if the child is unhappy, and as you say she doesn't have her own room in a sizeable house. That is the strange part, so you should consider talking to her father about this. If you still feel uncomfortable and concerned, discuss it with Social Services.

Thats completely different in my opinion.
She doesn't seem to like/be comfortable with it.
There is no reason for it such as lack of beds/bedrooms.

I would be concerned. Even if its nothing sinister the fact is she is being denied the choice in the situation, she doesn't have her own room.

Is the man likely to be clueless / lazy and hence no bedroom for the girl?

My dad worked night shifts and I slept in their bed with mum until my mid teens.

one of my DDs used to slip into our bed most until 7/8.

I co-slept with my son until he was maybe 6/7. I then decided he needed to go into his own room as I had visions of sharing my bed with a 15 year old. We just gradually tried it over a few weeks and he was fine in the end.

The last time I slept in my mum's bed, I was 22 years old 😁 I don't understand why people get weird about where people sleep, as long as the choice is driven by the child

Your second post makes it a little more worrying.
She should have her own bed, and be ale to choose if she shares with Dad or has her own space.
A child choosing to share with a parent is fine. A child with no option is less than ideal.

Same here, when he has friends round he’ll stress that “this is my room where I sleep” ha, no you don’t you fibber!

Alright @PollyPrissypants , I obviously hadn't read that update when I posted. Yes I had my own bedroom.

I'd start by asking questions about why she doesn't have her own room, I suppose OP?

Drip feed or what?

You must know that the information in your second post changes the situation somewhat.

Interesting first post at 0130 in the morning OP. If it only ‘crossed your mind’ then I wouldn’t worry about it.

My son is 6.5 turning 7. He has his own bedroom but it’s on the other side of house.

I don’t feel safe at night on my own with him so far away/back of house. We live in a safe area but instinctively I just don’t like the idea.

I have no plan to put him in another room unless I clear out the room next to me.

everyone is different.

so he sleeps in my bed

* so does our Labrador and I’m sure this has saved on heating over Winter

@Pancake2463

Parental child abuse can happen in cases where DC & DH don’t share the same bed, and in cases where DH is married in a couple. So being a single parent and sharing a bed is not in and of itself a red flag.

However, if you’re concerned (there are red flags) just spend a bit more time with the little girl and be there for her. If there’s anything untoward you may sense it or she may open up. May be ask her why she’s embarrassed by it. It is possible she’s simply embarrassed because she aware most kids don’t co-sleep with their parents.

If she has no choice but to sleep in her dad’s bed then that is very wrong, especially when she is embarrassed about it! Why do you think her DD is not giving her her own bedroom?

You have no plan MrsPeach. I suggest you get one, for your child's benefit.