Singe dad co sleeping with 7 year old daughter

[Pancake2463]

Hello,

Something crossed my mind that seems a bit unusual in my opinion. Is it normal or okay for a single dad to cosleep with a 7 year old daughter? Just found it unusual and concerned a little bit.

Am I being unreasonable to question this?

Problem is these people are my very close family members and I don't want to start something but also concerned for the child.

co sleeping is fine if child’s choice and they have their own bed. This appears not to be the case. However is something missing. Is it the dads house?

Agreed.

I remember when I was younger (can't remember what age) being afraid of the dark and would often get into bed with mum and/or dad. I would definitely have been embarrassed if I thought anyone else knew about this, and especially if it was spoken about in front of me.

Nothing wrong with it. Families do it all around the world. I loved getting into mum's bed at 10 years old and my 2.5 year old DS sleeps next to me and his dad every night

Perfectly normal for kids to co-sleep as long as they want to. My 9 year old co-sleeps with dh if they are away or camping, though she probably wouldn't want to normally at home. My 5 year old ds still co-sleeps with both of us sometimes.

But at that age, yes, a child should have a room of their own, even if shared with their sibling, so that they can have their own private space. And anything else does seem neglectful if there are options for separate sleeping as a choice.

Don't be unkind, she clearly knows the family. The trouble is, we are so bombarded with ideas that all children could be abused, it clouds your judgement

If I'm at work my 10yo DC cosleeps with my DH, (who has own bed) what's the issue? They're only sleeping?

I find co-sleeping with DC odd at any age. Especially with opposite sex child. They should have their own beds. Going into a parents bed if have a bad dream or poorly ok but not every night.

What has that got to do with anything? We are talking about co sleeping not shedding clothes.

Don't most people change clothes in their bedroom? And yes, it's related in being something a kid may start to be self conscious about.

Some girls go through puberty at 8. Not fair to not give DC her own room especially if there are empty rooms.

I think it's a bit of an assumption that because the child co sleeps with their dad, it must mean she's getting undressed in front of him too.

My stepchildren share a room. They tend to go and get dressed in the bathroom so they don't see each other. What do you think tonnes of people who share a bedroom do?

My point is about the age when children naturally start to want privacy. The child is embarrassed by the current situation, and there's no reason why she can't have her own room - whether she chooses to sleep in it or not.

If she isn't comfortable with it then it's not ok

I understand that, my point was being embarrassed about other people knowing is not the same as finding said thing uncomfortable. My own situation at an age older than this child being an example and the example of eldest not wanting his mates to know he still loves a good cuddle isn't the same as not wanting a cuddle!

I agree the child should have their own room but there is nothing to suggest here that this child doesn't actually want to sleep with her dad even if she had her own room or that she's being forced to do so (and really that may just mean she doesn't have a specifically done up room, there likely is another bed if there are spare rooms she could use). Because embarrassed about talking about this doesn't necessarily mean she doesn't want to or she finds it uncomfortable.

OP, I think you are absolutely right to be concerned. That the fact the daughter is 7 years old and has no room of her own in a big house is one is very, very strange. The fact that she does not want to sleep in the bed with her father and is being made to sounds awful.

I hope you can talk to her and find out what is going on. I can't imagine what it would have been like for me, at 7, to not have a room to call my own.

I would be very surprised if a seven year old did not want her own room, if only just to play in. I’m also surprised that a parent would not want to encourage their child to sleep independently in their own room,when they have the space to do so. Of course this doesn’t necessarily mean that this little girl is being sexually abused. It could be that her dad is just too lazy to sort a bedroom out for her or is using his daughter for his own comfort. Either way it’s wrong and doesn’t in the slightest way compare to the posters droning on about how their kids voluntarily jump into bed with them at night.

I (woman) coslept with my son sometimes 🤷‍♀️

The issue is your kid has his own bed so has a choice about where he sleeps. I DON’T UNDERSTAND HOW PEOPLE ARE NOT GETTING THIS!!!!!

Either way it’s wrong and doesn’t in the slightest way compare to the posters droning on about how their kids voluntarily jump into bed with them at night

No I agree it doesn't compare to children with their own rooms just jumping in bed with their parents from time to time.

But I think we don't have enough info here from the Op to say this child is forced or made to feel uncomfortable by her dad. All OP said was she was embarrassed. That doesn't mean she's uncomfortable with sleeping in her dad's room. It's not the same thing. She may have just been embarrassed for people to know.

I'm not suggesting OP shouldn't look into this more if she's concerned but posters jumping straight to 'THIS POOR CHILD WHO HATES SLEEPING IN HER DADS ROOM BUT IS FORCED TO DO SO AND UNDRESS IN FRONT OF HIM TOO!!!' is unnecessary when we have barely any information at all!

That’s nice dear.

I DON’T UNDERSTAND HOW PEOPLE ARE NOT GETTING THIS!!!!!

People commonly weigh in without having RTFT or at least filtered and read all the OPs posts. It's tedious at best, sometimes upsetting.

And then there's people who distort what someone else actually said into barely recognisable hyperbole.

And people often read the minimal amount of posts (2 on the first page and none since in this case) and run with their own narrative.

Yes but people shutting down the idea that something sinister could be going on, and possibly making OP feel silly for worrying is a lot worse than ‘unnecessary’. It is downright remiss, possibly dangerously so, and then we wonder how abusers get away with their shit for so long!

Sorry did you not make the assumption that she must be undressing in front of him? I believe you did. With absolutely no word from the OP that this is the case.

I think if OP is concerned then she should look into this more.

But there is nothing here (yet) to suggest this child is forced against her will to do anything which people keep repeating.