Singe dad co sleeping with 7 year old daughter

[Pancake2463]

Hello,

Something crossed my mind that seems a bit unusual in my opinion. Is it normal or okay for a single dad to cosleep with a 7 year old daughter? Just found it unusual and concerned a little bit.

Am I being unreasonable to question this?

Problem is these people are my very close family members and I don't want to start something but also concerned for the child.

Sorry did you not make the assumption that she must be undressing in front of him? I believe you did.

Nope. Sorry if you misunderstood.

My mum died recently but this brings back a lovely memory of my DH being away and both my son and I snuggled up with my mum in her bed!

DH away again recent and ds 7 slept with me. Totally normal. Nothing wrong in what you are describing.

I wouldn’t mind but it’s only two fucking posts they’d need to read to get the picture.

Then why bring up her undressing in the first place when no one, especially OP as of yet, has ever suggested she is doing so.

Yes .. the picture of not much at all to go off yet. Certainly not enough to say this child is being abused.

Sounds normal to me

If she doesn’t have her own bed she is forced to bed share with her dad is she not?

My daughter co sleep with me and sleep with his dad when she is at his
She cannot sleep on her own since our breakup and she is 9

Would you be able to have a word with the dad (sounds like he may be your DB or similar), and remind him that now she's getting a bit older, it might be a good time to try and carve her own room out for her? You could remind him that girls often start their periods quite young these days and she may appreciate at least having the option of privacy.

Are the other rooms in use by other people? If she seems embarrassed and doesn't really have the option of her own room then that's very different from her choosing to hop in with dad still. I understand your concern. No evidence that she is being abused or anything but I think she may benefit from another adult speaking to her dad regarding her best interests here.

If you feel the DC is being forced into sleeping with her dad and doesn't want to then i would be concerned. You mention the child not having her own room despite the space and feeling embarrassed. This would concern me

I don't think forced is the word I would use until I knew more no.

Maybe the child doesn't want their own room so the dad just hasn't bothered. Not great but also doesn't mean the child is being forced. Forced suggesting it's something the child would choose not to do if they could.

The point being it's all speculation right now because we basically have no more info other than the child being embarrassed talking to OP (not necessarily the same as being uncomfortable actually doing the co sleeping) and that there is no specific bedroom set up for the child although there are spare rooms (which may mean other beds available).

Absolutely OP should talk to the parent or whoever she is comfortable talking to about this and I suggested as such in my previous replies. But jumping straight words like forced and uncomfortable as if they are fact is wrong imo. We do not have the info to go off yet to say that.

I have 5 kids. As they were growing up I probably never went a whole night without at least one of them sneaking into my bed. Very occasionally, even now they are in their 2O’s, they still jump in for a quick morning cuddle. This proves categorically that the little girl in question is not being abused in any way, shape or form and OP should worry no more and the rest of us all go back to sleep. Amen.

You're right it doesn't prove anything.

Neither does the little info we have off OP right now prove the girl is being forced to do something against her will.

I KNOW that, but it’s the blinkered people who are saying that they can’t see anything wrong with the situation at all who are really pissing me off! OP please do not be like these posters. Don’t turn a blind eye to something that rings alarm bells for you. Talk to the little girl and her father. Hopefully there’s nothing sinister going on, but if there is you could save this child from years and years of abuse.

Need more detail. Does child have own room or bed? Do they want to co sleep?

It's a normal thing to do but that doesn't mean it's always ok. What are your concerns? Is there anything else about dad or child that concerns you? What could you do if you we're concerned?

So stop suggesting the child is being forced as if you know that for a fact. It's just as annoying as the other side. We need more info and OP needs to speak to said parent (or her sibling if this is a sibling-in-law or whatever). Strangers on the internet either insisting it's fine or insisting it's definitely abuse or being forced doesn't help.

People aren't reading OPs follow up and are just responding to whether it's OK for dad to co-sleep with 7yo daughter. This is why drip feeding gets called out (but it's also why I always click see all 😇).

I agree with you. Assuming the house OP is referring to is the child's family home (and there isn't a further drip feed) then to not have your own bedroom, with a bed in it, at 7yo is cause for concern IMO and OP should investigate further.

so many on here giving examples of their children sneaking into bed with mum and/or dad for a cuddle, which is obviously normal family behaviour (no matter what age) BUT that is NOT what the OP is asking.
This situation is very different, if the child feels embarrassed and has no where else to sleep or her own space / room / privacy! That IS an issue and a big red flag!

I coslept with my dad when he and my mum split up as he only had one bedroom in the first flat he rented. We used to go to Blockbusters, I’d pick a film and some ice cream (I’ve discovered as an adult that he never liked the ice cream I chose but he’d eat it anyway because I’d picked it) and then he’d carry me to bed when I inevitably fell asleep on the sofa. I remember that so fondly 🥰

Neither he or I would think anything of it if we found ourselves in a situation now I’m nearly 30 and we had to share sleeping quarters for some reason.

It’s your mindset that’s strange here.

I’ll add that I was probably 5 when he found a two-bedroom place.

Cool story.

My six year old son gets into our bed in the early hours of the morning sometimes and goes back to sleep snuggling me. I love it and don't think it's innapropriate at all for children to sleep next to parents.

However my son does have his own room, I think it's strange that a seven year old doesn't have her own bed/room. Has the dad recently become a single dad and in the process of getting the house sorted? Otherwise it's quite strange and I would have to say something, especially as she has confided in you.

It could be that dad is lonely/depressed and sleeping next to his child is a comfort for him, rather than anything sinister. But if she finds it embarrassing and wants her own room someone has to tell him.