Singe dad co sleeping with 7 year old daughter

[Pancake2463]

Hello,

Something crossed my mind that seems a bit unusual in my opinion. Is it normal or okay for a single dad to cosleep with a 7 year old daughter? Just found it unusual and concerned a little bit.

Am I being unreasonable to question this?

Problem is these people are my very close family members and I don't want to start something but also concerned for the child.

Tell your close family member that his daughter mentioned she’d like her own room to you. I may have no impact whatsoever on the co-sleeping but she should have her own space if at all possible.

It's not odd for a 7 year old to climb into bed with mum or dad. Not having her own room so she has to sleep with dad even though there is space elsewhere and her being embarrassed by the arrangement are red flags in my opinion, I'd be concerned here 🤷

Agree.

the child is entitled to her own bed & if that’s not being offered then it’s a problem, especially if the child wants one/is embarrassed by the fact that she doesn’t have one.

as I said before, maybe talk to the child or a relative to find one if DD has a choice in this and why she feels embarrassed.

Our DDs still co-sleep with us. DD6 started bedsharing with DH when DD3 was born, previously she was in with me but was being disturbed when DD3 woke for milk, so she started going to DH instead. DD3 is still in with me and DD6 with DH. They have their own rooms decorated but just refuse to sleep there. DD6 will only go in her own bed if she is having a sleepover with a friend. She would also be really embarrassed to admit to her friends that she still sleeps with her dad.

Just to add, it could be that the parent is trying to save in heating bills by asking his daughter to share same bed. So it’s not necessarily a red flag. Still, the child needs her own bed and if it’s not being offered, and she wants it, then it should be.

Op if she is embarrassed and has no room of her own that is a worry here.
Why do posters always do the faux , what are you concerned about re this sort of post. We all know what she is getting at. The fact is most sexual abuse happens in families or by someone the child knows. Not saying it is happening here but there are other worries if child not happy.

Why would you infantilise your DS when you don’t need to? It’s not fair on him to deny him the option to have his own space, when you obviously have plenty of it.

This seems extremely different from your original post. Your first OP was all about you pondering about it being unusual rather than the young girl being embarrassed.

@MistyLuna This.

Op - I would have said it was no problem at all. Children bunk down with their parent / parents all the time. Mine certainly did. She should absolutely have a room of her own however. Does he have primary care? If he does, she should have her own room and she should decide then whether or not co sleep with her dad.

I would address it with him directly.

My ds is 7 and will fall asleep in his own bed. Most days by morning, he's snuggled next to me in my bed. It's lovely.
The exception is in the height of summer when we both need space to keep cool.

He wouldn't dare want his friends to know this though and it would embarrass him if they did. Funny thing is I know a few of his friends do this too anyway.

Has anything else happened that has made you worried about this?

Does she have her own bed just not her own bedroom?
It entirely depends if she is being forced and has no bed.
Or she feels a bit embarrassed but has her own bed but wants to co sleep.

You have just said she’s not happy and seems embarrassed about it .
she doesn’t even have her own bedroom ,in such a big house .
yes that’s not right
I’d mention it to the school ,chat with the headteacher ,then no one will know it’s come from you ,so you can keep an eye on the situation

Aren’t there countries where they all sleep in the same bed ?

I haven’t thought about it too much to be honest.

I just feel as though the other end of the house is too far away, it backs onto an alley way and even though it’s a safe area, I just worry.

Its just us in the house and if anything we’re to happen I like knowing that he’s next to me in an emergency.

it’s just us in house

its not like he doesn’t have his own play room, bed, bedroom & a dog & a backyard.

Plus it will be weird when he’s 15 so I want to enjoy our morning snuggles now.

I don’t think he’ll need privacy until pre teen years.

we have a really respectful & sweet relationship and he knows he is very loved.

why does it have to be complicated ?

I meant - he is set up, he has all the privacy & space he could want.

This Dad is fine.

The child is 7.

If he’s a paedaphile then sleeping in the same bed won’t be an indicator.

I can’t think of any other reason it’s an issue.

The whole bed thing is a Victorian hang up

This x 100

If it were the mother this child was co sleeping with would you still have concerns there may be child abuse going on? Why not? Surely you must see that the fact your mind automatically sees connotations of paedophillia/child abuse because it's the father says more about where your mind is coming from than about the actual situation itself. Otherwise you would have exactly the same concerns about child abuse if the child were co sleeping with her mother. Unless there is some specific knowledge or evidence of inappropriate behaviour towards children or a previous history of abuse, then I think you need to keep your opinion private.

It's not ideal no because the child should have their own room and bedspace at this age but it's not uncommon for families to need to co-sleep out of necessity rather than choice eg a child of separated parents might be staying over with a parent who has one room and 1 bed. It could also he a psychological need of that child which may/maynot be part of a bigger problem.
Incidentally let's say we all think it's outrageously out of order....what's do you intend to do about it?

My 9 year old DSD sleeps with her dad most times she's at our house. She has her own room and bed but likes to sleep with him. (I sleep elsewhere anyway due to his snoring!) I've never questioned it or thought anything of it.

Does she not have an option of her own bed either? A child wanting to sleep with a parent is a different thing to an unhappy child who has no option. Maybe she feels embarrassed that she's seen as babyish or something for wanting to sleep with dad though so it depends very much on that

She should have a bedroom of her on, and she should have the choice to sleep in her own room.
If she then choose to sleep with her Dad then OK, but she needs her own bedroom too.

I think it's very weird OP and don't know any man who would WANT to share a bed with a 7-year-old girl. It's inappropriate

My DD used to sleep with me and with her Dad. He and I split and he did reach out to me to check it was ok that she kept arriving in his bed at night at his house. I reassured him that she would grow out of it. She’s 12 now and still pops in for a cuddle but no longer drapes her naked self all over either of us!!

Parents who find it "weird" or "inappropriate" to share a bed with your own offspring must be very sad people.

Nothing better than a snuggle with the kids, especially if its been a difficult day with them. It's a great opportunity to reconnect.

I have to operate a strict rota with mine though else I'd never get any bed space 😂

And to be perfectly frank, if I wanted to sexually assault my own children I'd just go in their bedrooms and do it. Don't need to be co-sleeping for that to occur 🤷‍♂️

Even if there’s no sexual abuse going on, it’s an issue because the child doesn’t feel comfortable with the situation. She is embarrassed and she would like her own space!