Primary school won't allow packed lunches

[NotABeliever]

DD is in Y5 at primary school (private, not sure if this is relevant). She has a long-standing health condition, so far undiagnosed, which means that three times a week on average she vomits for several hours, usually in the afternoon after coming back from school but not exclusively. We have been referred to Paediatrics over 9 months ago but no appointment has been made and her condition is managed by her GP while we wait for a consultant appointment. It is a worrying and distressing situation for both DD and myself.

GP does not think it is a food intolerance but can't rule it out. All we know for sure is that she vomits more frequently if she's stressed, dyhydrated, tired or if she eats fatty/greasy foods. She does not have any other underlying condition and seems otherwise perfectly healthy.

Since coming back to school after the Christmas break, she has already had two episodes of prolonged and violent vomiting after school. It made me wonder what if something she eats at school doesn't agree with her so I sent her in with a packed lunch yesterday to make sure she had easily digestable foods. I gave her a ham sandwich , a yogurt, a banana and two plane rice cakes in her lunch box.

Next thing I know, the Head emails me to say that the school doesn't allow packed lunches but if DD has dietary requirements, the catering company can try to accommodate her.

I replied explaining the above and asking for a few more days of letting her have a packed lunch to avoid fatty foods. I explained that it's not as easy as ruling out certain foods, unfortunately, because we don't have a diagnosis. I asked them to trust my judgement and to allow her to have packed lunches until the end of the week.

Incredibly, I received a reply from another senior teacher telling me my request has been declined and DD won't be allowed packed lunches "despite a presenting medical need, unless guidance from a dietician to this effect is received by the school".

Children bring their own snacks for mid-morning and after-school activities, and although nuts are quite understandably barred, they are free to bring anything else they want into school to have as a snack. Therefore, the argument the senior teacher made that my DD bringing a packed lunch increases "exposure to known allergens for other children" is utterly ridiculous.

AIBU for disagreeing with this policy? I genuinely would like to hear what other parents think and what I should be doing next. Thank you.

I don't think you are unreasonable at all. You've made a simple request which doesn't obviously inconvenience them (unless I'm missing something!) and given sensible explanation behind it.

My children are not yet at school so forgive me for asking - does the catering company not offer healthy foods? I thought they had to and if you dared to ask if they did chips at all you were banished by the PTA?! Could DD be guided to choose a sandwich option like you made her or a salad / jacket potato if they do them?

If not then perhaps a supporting letter from the GP to say you are awaiting the dietician appt but for now need to send healthy packed lunches for her / have the catering team provide a meal that falls within a list of acceptable options?

I hope she's better / you have answers soon!

So you just sent her in with the packed lunch with no prior discussion with the school? YABU if so.

They gave you a perfectly reasonable alternative, to provide them with an idea of her dietary requirements and they would try to accommodate. But instead of exploring that any further, you just continued to suggest sending her with a packed lunch.

It’s very common IME for private schools not to allow packed lunches. DS’s school doesn’t.

Get a letter from the GP stating she needs a specific packed lunch and that this is a reasonable adjustment under rhe terms of the Equality Act. Under the terms of the Act your DD has a physical impairment that has a substantial and long-term negative effect on her ability to do normal daily activities (i.e., eat without severe physical symptoms), it constitutes a disability as defined by the terms of the Act and school have a legal obligation to make an allowance for her having a packed lunch.

The GP isn’t going to write any such letter without a diagnosis.

The GP can write a letter stating that the child is under assessment and that her diet needs to be managed as part of this so she needs a packed lunch containing specific foods. You don't need a diagnosis for that.

It didn't occur to me I wasn't allowed to give her a packed lunch and the email telling me so came as a total surprise.

If the dietary needs can be met by the school though, which the OP hasn’t explored, then there is potentially no need for a packed lunch at all.

Does she have cyclical vomiting syndrome?

I assumed that as a parent I could decide whether to take advantage of the meal provided by the school or not. I assumedthat if children can bring in snacks, the can bring in a sandwich

You’d have been better putting private in heading.
What does your contract say. DD’s small private primary was required lunches not packed food.
It sounds like school will work with you so catering company will adapt to suit. Or packed lunch ok if diagnosed.
I think you need to push ahead with trying to get to bottom of what is going on it sounds miserable for them.

I find it hard to believe you weren’t aware that packed lunches weren’t an option. Otherwise, you’d have been presented with school lunch vs packed lunch as an either/or when your DD joined the school.

But even if you thought they were allowed, to just send her in with one without discussing with school first is a really strange thing to do. Presumably you know they allocate her a cooked lunch and would therefore need to know if this would no longer be required as a minimum?

Check your contract. It’s a business arrangement. I don’t think it’s unusual for private to require children to have their food, it’s often part of day modelling table manners, sitting with staff conversing etc.

Agree with iamfeels, but if the school are willing to cater have a chat and see what packed lunch type items they can offer

Has your GP considered the possibility of vestibular migraine OP? I suffer from this and am prone to sudden extreme attacks of vomiting and dizziness, particularly if I am tired, stressed or dehydrated. Visual and aural overstimulation bring it on, such as people nodding, waving their arms about, or anything that moves quickly sideways. My consultant said it is because I experience these things as if they are much quicker than other people. I was struck by the fact it is often when she returns from school that the attacks start

Whatever it is, I hope she gets sorted out, poor lamb. x

If they allow snacks can't she just eat it a bit earlier than normal as a snack and then not eat the cooked lunch?

State will give option of packed or school meal. How is school overall for her? Wondering if vomiting could be school anxiety related. You mention it restating when back to school. Childhood migraines can result in vomiting (I had it as a child)

I’d give them a list of the exact foods that she can eat plus a letter from GP outlining current situation and dietary recommendation. Or find a dietician and pay them to write the stupid letter.

@GiltEdges why would I lie? I'm interested in people's views and I have no interest in not telling the truth. My older children went to state school and they could literally chose daily if they wanted school dinners or packed lunch.

Surely the school do healthy options. When I was at school (which was private) we had many different options from hot healthy meals as well as a salad bar, sandwich/baguette bar with pudding choices everyday from non healthy to yogurts, fruit and cheese and biscuits.

@SeatonCarew
Thank you for the suggestion. What's a vestibular migraine like? Does it involve pain anywhere in particular?
GP thinks it's more likely to be psychosomatic but she's generally really happy at school and so it doesn't make sense that she would be so stressed to actually vomit.for hours due to school. It also does happen during holidays too even if less so.

It is annoying. In Spain,no school allows packed lunches.

You need to provide the school with a letter from a clinician confirming that your daughter has a medical need to eat a specific diet (and stating what that diet is). It prevents parents or pupils self diagnosing or following restricted diets unnecessarily, which unfortunately is not uncommon.

The GP can write a letter stating that the child is under assessment and that her diet needs to be managed as part of this so she needs a packed lunch containing specific foods. You don't need a diagnosis for that.

^ my GP would do this for me.

Only a doctor can diagnose, obviously, but as I child I suffered from abdominal migraines:
www.yalemedicine.org/conditions/abdominal-migraine

Any similarities with your DD?

I was going to ask the same