Primary school won't allow packed lunches

[NotABeliever]

DD is in Y5 at primary school (private, not sure if this is relevant). She has a long-standing health condition, so far undiagnosed, which means that three times a week on average she vomits for several hours, usually in the afternoon after coming back from school but not exclusively. We have been referred to Paediatrics over 9 months ago but no appointment has been made and her condition is managed by her GP while we wait for a consultant appointment. It is a worrying and distressing situation for both DD and myself.

GP does not think it is a food intolerance but can't rule it out. All we know for sure is that she vomits more frequently if she's stressed, dyhydrated, tired or if she eats fatty/greasy foods. She does not have any other underlying condition and seems otherwise perfectly healthy.

Since coming back to school after the Christmas break, she has already had two episodes of prolonged and violent vomiting after school. It made me wonder what if something she eats at school doesn't agree with her so I sent her in with a packed lunch yesterday to make sure she had easily digestable foods. I gave her a ham sandwich , a yogurt, a banana and two plane rice cakes in her lunch box.

Next thing I know, the Head emails me to say that the school doesn't allow packed lunches but if DD has dietary requirements, the catering company can try to accommodate her.

I replied explaining the above and asking for a few more days of letting her have a packed lunch to avoid fatty foods. I explained that it's not as easy as ruling out certain foods, unfortunately, because we don't have a diagnosis. I asked them to trust my judgement and to allow her to have packed lunches until the end of the week.

Incredibly, I received a reply from another senior teacher telling me my request has been declined and DD won't be allowed packed lunches "despite a presenting medical need, unless guidance from a dietician to this effect is received by the school".

Children bring their own snacks for mid-morning and after-school activities, and although nuts are quite understandably barred, they are free to bring anything else they want into school to have as a snack. Therefore, the argument the senior teacher made that my DD bringing a packed lunch increases "exposure to known allergens for other children" is utterly ridiculous.

AIBU for disagreeing with this policy? I genuinely would like to hear what other parents think and what I should be doing next. Thank you.

I don't think you're being unreasonable and I have never heard of a school making children have school meals I'd be challenging it too. Does your daughter have a dietician? We were referred to one for my daughter last year and they picked up her referral very quickly. If not I'd go with what PP said about asking the GP for a letter.

Are the school aware of how serious these episodes are?

I agree with getting a GP letter and I would also speak to them face to face as it's easier to sort stuff rather than email.

That sounds awful, your poor DD, hope you get to the bottom of it soon. My DCs used to go to a school where packed lunches weren't allowed, but the quality of the food provided was terrible. I really disagreed with it and wanted them to have packed lunch, even if it meant also paying for the school lunch. They left the school (not solely for that reason) and now have packed lunches every day. So YANBU, it should be a choice.

Cyclical Vomiting Syndrome actually fits really well. www.nhs.uk/conditions/cyclical-vomiting-syndrome/
I had no idea such condition existed. Thank you for suggesting it.
The only thing is, she has gastric reflux ahead of the vomiting episodes.

Why would the food be fatty? It would be odd for a reaction like vomiting to occur 3 or 4 hours later has the GP said this when he says it doesn't sound like an intolerance?
Can the GP not write a letter?

You need to see a GP for advice, OP.

They will advise on eg dietary changes, but they won't want any changes made until they have run tests (eg, coeliac disease requires the patient to be consuming gluten at the time of testing for the test to work).

If tests come back clear then you can start eliminating things from her diet for a few weeks then reintroducing them to see what effect they have BUT you will need the GP to write you a letter explaining that in order to identify the insensitivity she will need to take a packed lunch during this period. It could take months to identify the issue, as it could be something as everyday as onions or sulphates that are affecting her.

You may have to pay for them to write the letter, but the GP will write it.

I went to a private scecondary and I don't remember anyone having packed lunches. We are all seated in the dining hall for meals.

So YABVU. You need to work with the school's catering team so they can provide a suitable lunch for her.

Our private school also does not allow packed lunches. They do offer a pretty plain sandwich if the kids don't want the hot meal. Can you check what's available?

It's non negotiable at our school

If it were me i would be sending in the lunch with her. If they continued to be dicks about it then i would be coming and sitting with her to have her lunch that i made for her til such times we figure out what the issue is.
Id also consider seeing a naturopath/functional practitioner while waiting on gp appts.

When I was at private secondary, we were required to clear our plate. We could ask for less but asking for nothing would have been odd. And likely to get myself into trouble. I would never have dared to do it.

Utterly ridiculous of them.

Another reason why I hate private schooling. You're a customer, if they don't deliver what they claim to (a safe environment) then I would withdraw funds.

I'm sure they could do her a ham sandwich and yoghurt. .

why are they so focused on feeding your daughter something that might be making her sick, it's like hospital food, no matter what the actual food is it makes me sick for days after i've eaten it, your daughter has a right to be able to eat food that won't potentially make her violently throw up private school or not

You don't need a medical letter if vegan, vegetarian or have a dietary need based on religion. It's kinda weird that they are insisting on a letter to confirm a medical condition.

Your request was also time bound 'end of the week' which makes it strange that they would refuse... I agree they you should have asked first - but it's churlish to refuse.

After all, you aren't doing it for fun.

Out of spite, I would ask for a raw food, vegan celiac meal.

They might be happier for you to then provide the packed lunch.

Can you not take her for a private
consultation? Also does she not have to be off school following a sickness episode as at the moment it's not a condition. Hopefully you get sorted asap

Think @GiltEdges must be the school cook as they seem very upset about a packed lunch being sent in without permission.

If you have waited 9 months for an appt to see a consultant have you not thought about paying for the appt privately?

If you can afford private education, the cost of a private appt will be within your means, I assume?

There is no way I'd wait 9 months and more for an NHS appt while shelling out £thousands for a private prep school.

This is what I was thinking, surely a school catering company can manage a ham sandwich and a yogurt?

I have a hiatus hernia I'm pretty sure I was born with that can cause reflux and vomiting bought on by fatty / fried food (among other things)

You sound uptight and frankly, unpleasant.

If it's a private school just tell them what she needs in her lunch and they can make it. Even with outside catering I'm sure they'll manage. Just reply with a breezy that's great thank you. Please could dd have a ham sandwich with no butter on brown bread, a piece of fruit and a yogurt etc

The school are in the wrong not to accept medical needs but you are also in the wrong for sending a packed lunch without discussing it with them.

If every single child has a school lunch, you are singling out your DD (which isn't good for her anyway for all sorts of reasons) and it ought to be have been discussed.

You also should be pushing your GP for a consultant's appt, or paying for one privately to move this on and get her a diagnosis.

How can you have just let it slide for 9 months when she is vomiting 3 times a week?

You need to go private and get it sorted.

That said I'd send them a list of foods she can eat and ask them to accommodate if not then she'll have to have packed lunches until they can. If they refuse you go to the board of governors.

Slightly off topic but do look into Cyclical Vomiting Syndrome, it's connected to migraine and is characterised by intense vomiting episodes, but feeling fine in between.

You were unreasonable to just send her in with a packed lunch without speaking to her teacher or another member of staff. If packed lunches aren’t allowed (which is fairly common in private schools) then obviously you would need to discuss it with them first.

However you’re right in saying that their main argument (allergens) is ridiculous if they allow the children to bring in any food they like from home for their snack, so long as it doesn’t have nuts in it.

Could she potentially have the vegetarian option if the meat option is too fatty/not suitable?