Primary school won't allow packed lunches

[NotABeliever]

DD is in Y5 at primary school (private, not sure if this is relevant). She has a long-standing health condition, so far undiagnosed, which means that three times a week on average she vomits for several hours, usually in the afternoon after coming back from school but not exclusively. We have been referred to Paediatrics over 9 months ago but no appointment has been made and her condition is managed by her GP while we wait for a consultant appointment. It is a worrying and distressing situation for both DD and myself.

GP does not think it is a food intolerance but can't rule it out. All we know for sure is that she vomits more frequently if she's stressed, dyhydrated, tired or if she eats fatty/greasy foods. She does not have any other underlying condition and seems otherwise perfectly healthy.

Since coming back to school after the Christmas break, she has already had two episodes of prolonged and violent vomiting after school. It made me wonder what if something she eats at school doesn't agree with her so I sent her in with a packed lunch yesterday to make sure she had easily digestable foods. I gave her a ham sandwich , a yogurt, a banana and two plane rice cakes in her lunch box.

Next thing I know, the Head emails me to say that the school doesn't allow packed lunches but if DD has dietary requirements, the catering company can try to accommodate her.

I replied explaining the above and asking for a few more days of letting her have a packed lunch to avoid fatty foods. I explained that it's not as easy as ruling out certain foods, unfortunately, because we don't have a diagnosis. I asked them to trust my judgement and to allow her to have packed lunches until the end of the week.

Incredibly, I received a reply from another senior teacher telling me my request has been declined and DD won't be allowed packed lunches "despite a presenting medical need, unless guidance from a dietician to this effect is received by the school".

Children bring their own snacks for mid-morning and after-school activities, and although nuts are quite understandably barred, they are free to bring anything else they want into school to have as a snack. Therefore, the argument the senior teacher made that my DD bringing a packed lunch increases "exposure to known allergens for other children" is utterly ridiculous.

AIBU for disagreeing with this policy? I genuinely would like to hear what other parents think and what I should be doing next. Thank you.

If you read the thread before throwing accusations at me, you would know why I haven't yet been able to see a private consultant yet, and it has nothing to do with money.

The symptoms sound very similar to when my daughter was suffering with cyclical vomiting syndrome.
I hope you are able to get your daughter treatment to alleviate her symptoms.

i haven’t rift, so ignore if it’s already been mentioned but has she had a coeliacs test? I had a similar situation with my dd before she was diagnosed.

No, coeliacs hasn't been mentioned by the GP

Why ever don't they allow packed lunches for goodness sake...is it seen as 'too common' or something! Never heard something so petty.

Why can't she sit in the dining hall....but with a packed lunch though? Sounds like they're just putting snobbery above the child's needs in this instance.

As a PP said, please ask for a blood test to check for coeliac disease. Both my DC are coeliac and they had awful gastric synths before diagnosis (DD worse than DS - swollen stomach, lethargy, headaches, tummy aches etc). Do ask for a blood test to rule it out

Ortymn

That was kinda the point of my worded email!

They haven't said they will provide just they'll try.

They have an issue with the packed lunch so it's always best to assume what they mean is they can provide your child with what you're saying they can eat.

That way the only reply they can reasonably give is that they'll provide what you say or that they are going to ignore the illness and provide something totally unsuitable.

I don’t know for sure, but I suspect that private schools insisting on school meals are making a profit out of them.
Rather than snobbery about pack lunches.

The meals are usually included in the fees, so I don't that's the reason. More likely it's because it's "the done thing" in private schools and having certain rules sets themselves apart.

🙄

Every single thing Private school do is purely about snobbery.
In fact the only reason they exist is to promote snobbery.
No way could there be another explanation for this policy than snobbery

Sarcasm just in case anyone didn’t get it

@ichundich

Agreed.
The school dinners are included in the fees so a pupil missing 3 school dinners makes absolutely no difference to their finances. I also doubt they make any money at all from the catering.

I have to agree that it's snobbery or wanting to do things differently pure and simple.

Disclaimer: I didn't grow up in the UK and she is my first child at private school.

Why do you think it’s snobbery?
What is it about packed lunches that you think is downmarket? Surely that’s your perception rather than the schools attitude

You shouldn’t have sent in a packed lunch. When you signed the contract it would have said school meals provided and no packed lunches except in extreme circumstances

You know the contractual terms offered by every private school in the country? Wow.

For the record, at many private schools, school meals are a non-optional extra and not included in the fees.

No, they're not. Their terms have to be fair. Just because something is normal in the sector doesn't mean it's fair, acceptable, or in compliance with the law.

I hate all the ridiculous rules schools seem to have in place right now. If I felt my daughter needed specific foods for her health I'd be sending her in with those foods. How fucking silly she can't take in a bloody sandwich when they are allowed to take in other snacks. No one is asking the teachers to make it themselves for goodness sake.

When you signed the contract it would have said school meals provided and no packed lunches except in extreme circumstances

Id be arguing that my child being violently sick multiple times a week after eating their food is an extreme circumstance and I'd be sending her in with a packed lunch.

TBH OP, your priority is to get a diagnosis which will solve all these issues.

You were in the wrong just to give her a packed lunch.

I taught in a private school for many years (day and boarding.)
Packed lunches were not allowed.

One reason for this is so that children are given and make healthy choices from the school menu.

They are also being taught to sit and eat with other children, eating similar meals. It also rules out any competitive element with little Jonny bringing jam sarnies and little Timmy bringing rare wild truffles.

The cost to the school is insignificant. Catering bills are covered by fees.

You really ought to have broached this with the Head first.

Meanwhile, maybe spend today chasing your GP for that referral, and also finding a private specialist who can see your DD quickly, in case the NHS is still not offering an appt in another 9 months.

If my child was being sick several times a day, 3 times a week sometimes, I'd be moving heaven and earth to get to a dr and get a diagnosis.

@NotABeliever

Get your doctor to wrote them a letter. They are being unreasonable.

I can understand they may have a no-but policy due to other children possibly having allergies, etc. But your case isn’t that of a fussy eater. You have a genuine reason and they need to show more flexibility.

Go see the doctor & tell them what happened during Xmas / after Xmas and ask them to write a letter to school.

My DS had cow milk protein and soya milk protein allergy and I learnt the hard way that product labels are completely unreliable.

Sorry 😮 I meant a “no-nut” policy. MN won’t allow me to delete or edit 😩

Every time there's a Daniel Pelka, a Dylan Seabrook, an Arthur Labinjo-Hughes, posters on here are devastated. They ask how it could possibly happen, how could parents do that to their child. They insist more must be done to prevent it ever happening again because it keeps happening.
Those three examples are extreme, of course. However, there are also parents who, believing they are right, severely restrict children's diets.
I know of at least one school where the staff were so concerned at the long list of prohibited foods from one family - all without medical backing - that they informed social services.

Here is an anonymous poster, with no medical qualification, telling us she has tried to force the school to accept her restrictions on her child's diet, even though she has no medical diagnosis and no guidance from a qualified dietician or doctor. She hasn't even discussed it with them first.

And some posters on this thread are falling over each other to blame the school, to diagnose the child, to back up the restriction of diet. Also without qualification and with no knowledge of the family or the child.

The Op needs a medical diagnosis and input from a dietician - that's what the school is requesting.
It's not snobbery, or bloody-mindedness. It's what schools and childcare settings have been warned to watch out for - a parent that restricts food to their child.
Try to see it from their point of view.

Oh come on @Tanith. You can hardly accuse the OP of child abuse/neglect on the basis that she wants to sub a ham sarnie in place of a wholesome school lunch! (Although as ham is fatty it does seem an odd alternative when she says her DD can't cope with fatty food.)

But I take your point and agree that the child needs a diagnosis, and not one from mums online no matter how well meaning they are.

BTW are you Tanith C the one who writes stuff? 😜

I work in a private school and we would provide the same food as you would like in a packed
lunch.
I would therefore request the food via the school.

My DD13 is in private and they can accommodate dietary requirements usually. Just ask.

Its unreasonable to send a packed lunch in without notice. Private schools so packed lunch for trips so surely they can sort something out for her.

Honestly though my kid also has allergies and I paid private to have those tests to accelerate the issue. The school happily works around the issue.

My kid vomits for hours if she eats fish. I'd pay private to get allergies ticked off whilst you wait for the other appointment.