Primary school won't allow packed lunches

[NotABeliever]

DD is in Y5 at primary school (private, not sure if this is relevant). She has a long-standing health condition, so far undiagnosed, which means that three times a week on average she vomits for several hours, usually in the afternoon after coming back from school but not exclusively. We have been referred to Paediatrics over 9 months ago but no appointment has been made and her condition is managed by her GP while we wait for a consultant appointment. It is a worrying and distressing situation for both DD and myself.

GP does not think it is a food intolerance but can't rule it out. All we know for sure is that she vomits more frequently if she's stressed, dyhydrated, tired or if she eats fatty/greasy foods. She does not have any other underlying condition and seems otherwise perfectly healthy.

Since coming back to school after the Christmas break, she has already had two episodes of prolonged and violent vomiting after school. It made me wonder what if something she eats at school doesn't agree with her so I sent her in with a packed lunch yesterday to make sure she had easily digestable foods. I gave her a ham sandwich , a yogurt, a banana and two plane rice cakes in her lunch box.

Next thing I know, the Head emails me to say that the school doesn't allow packed lunches but if DD has dietary requirements, the catering company can try to accommodate her.

I replied explaining the above and asking for a few more days of letting her have a packed lunch to avoid fatty foods. I explained that it's not as easy as ruling out certain foods, unfortunately, because we don't have a diagnosis. I asked them to trust my judgement and to allow her to have packed lunches until the end of the week.

Incredibly, I received a reply from another senior teacher telling me my request has been declined and DD won't be allowed packed lunches "despite a presenting medical need, unless guidance from a dietician to this effect is received by the school".

Children bring their own snacks for mid-morning and after-school activities, and although nuts are quite understandably barred, they are free to bring anything else they want into school to have as a snack. Therefore, the argument the senior teacher made that my DD bringing a packed lunch increases "exposure to known allergens for other children" is utterly ridiculous.

AIBU for disagreeing with this policy? I genuinely would like to hear what other parents think and what I should be doing next. Thank you.

You shouldn’t have sent in a packed lunch. When you signed the contract it would have said school meals provided and no packed lunches except in extreme circumstances.

Having said that, I would work with school and get them to provide her with the food you think is suitable for now.

I would be pushing hard for a proper diagnosis to prevent this going on for longer than necessary.

It's not Gibert's syndrome is it? If she has had any blood tests, has her bilirubin been high? Are the whites of her eyes yellow? Some of her symptoms reminded me of this.

It's quite common at our local schools for packed lunches to not be allowed, but it's usually made very clear to parents. It sounds like they haven't made this "rule" very clear at all!

No advice but I know quite a few families who have had similar issues and it seems a strange hill for the school to die on, demanding that packed lunches aren't allowed 🤣

PS have you considered gall bladder problems? It sounds quite similar to what someone I know had and it was especially exacerbated after certain foods with a high fat content, ie roast lamb, fish and chips etc.

🤔 wonder what they do for children with ARFID?

If the catering company won’t comply i would try and collect her at lunchtime and she eat her packed lunch in the car then return to school

@Tinkerbyebye that probably wouldn't be acceptable either.

How do people think children at boarding school cope with dietary requirements?

I came home from school most days with a migraine and projectile vomiting. The root cause was visual stress. I need to have a green tint on my computer screen and use green coloured paper for making notes.

Have you tried telling them exactly what she can eat and see if they accommodate? Failing that I’d get the health professional involved and worst case move her to a different school.

OP it took literal seconds for me to google FPIES and the very first result explains what it is. I'm aware it's beside the point but surely that would have been a more logical course of action rather than waiting for the other poster to get back to you?

What do you feed her at home?

You’ve probably discussed both with your doctor already but just in case, both CVS (cyclical vomiting syndrome) and abdominal migraines are possibilities in this case. Good luck OP, schools can be inflexible at times.

Regarding reflux, would be worth a h.pylori test. They just take a pin prick of blood from your finger to detect it and it can be sorted with antibiotics. It’s a stomach bacteria that runs in families, not everyone presents symptoms, but it does play a part in stomach ulcers etc. I was sick for years before being diagnosed. And a couple of friends who started to get reflux got tested and it was the culprit.

I think the school is right and you need to work with them rather than seeing them as antagonistic.

You don't have a diagnosis yet, and even your doctor is not prepared to say what's causing this. You ask them to trust you, but you're not medically qualified. At the moment, they're providing meals for the children and the responsibility to ensure they eat a balanced and nutritious meal at lunchtime is theirs.

There are some parents that micro-control and restrict their children's diet to the point where they cause harm. How is the school to know that you aren't one of those parents? That's why they're asking for guidance from a dietician.

Don't fight them; make an appointment to discuss it with them, and get that guidance that they're requesting, either from a qualified dietician or a doctor.

Independent schools are perfectly entitled to make their own rules. You are perfectly entitled to withdraw your child if you disagree with those rules.

I work in a school kitchen and it caters for children in the nursery all the way to 6th form and none of the children or the teachers are allowed to bring in a pack lunch.

I don't understand why you can't give the school the list of what to give her - they're clearly willing to. "Please can DD have a ham sandwich with no butter, a low fat yogurt, an apple and a jammy dodger biscuit for lunch each day for the next two weeks thanks". Not difficult.

I am a teacher and this seems utterly ridiculous. I am guessing that they think allowing your dd will open the floodgates in terms of other parents wanting the same.
They should make an exception though.

A way round this is to ask the kitchen to provide what you would. They should be able to do this as your packed lunch is healthy and easy to do.

OP, you need a diagnosis, not speculation online.

I don't know if you are au fait with navigating private care?
So apologies in advance if you are.

What I'd do in your shoes would be to look at my local private hospital ( or more than one) and look up gastroenterologists. I'd look at their bios and choose on who appeared to be experienced in a wide range of gut issues and able to do investigations.

I'd then call their PA and ask if they would see a child aged 10.

If you prefer to go to London, there is an excellent gastro centre in Harley St and nearby. I can give you specific names of internationally accredited experts (from professional and friends' experience) if you want to PM me.

Your priority is to have a dr see your daughter and get to the bottom of this.

If you are wealthy enough to pay for private school, you are wealthy enough to afford an appointment with a dietician. Or to pay for tests to speed up your daughter’s diagnosis 😒 seems like a non-problem.

My DCs Private school does not allow packed lunches.
However, they have been brilliant at accommodating DDs anxiety/OCD related food issues and at times actually making a “packed lunch” for her in the kitchens.
If you work with them they might be very helpful

Yes, because all people whose kids attend private school are absolutely loaded. 🙄

GP did the H pylori test at the beginning and it came back negative

So you pay to send your child there and they won't let you send a packed lunch in? That seems crazy to me. Can you get a Dr's note?