Primary school won't allow packed lunches

[NotABeliever]

DD is in Y5 at primary school (private, not sure if this is relevant). She has a long-standing health condition, so far undiagnosed, which means that three times a week on average she vomits for several hours, usually in the afternoon after coming back from school but not exclusively. We have been referred to Paediatrics over 9 months ago but no appointment has been made and her condition is managed by her GP while we wait for a consultant appointment. It is a worrying and distressing situation for both DD and myself.

GP does not think it is a food intolerance but can't rule it out. All we know for sure is that she vomits more frequently if she's stressed, dyhydrated, tired or if she eats fatty/greasy foods. She does not have any other underlying condition and seems otherwise perfectly healthy.

Since coming back to school after the Christmas break, she has already had two episodes of prolonged and violent vomiting after school. It made me wonder what if something she eats at school doesn't agree with her so I sent her in with a packed lunch yesterday to make sure she had easily digestable foods. I gave her a ham sandwich , a yogurt, a banana and two plane rice cakes in her lunch box.

Next thing I know, the Head emails me to say that the school doesn't allow packed lunches but if DD has dietary requirements, the catering company can try to accommodate her.

I replied explaining the above and asking for a few more days of letting her have a packed lunch to avoid fatty foods. I explained that it's not as easy as ruling out certain foods, unfortunately, because we don't have a diagnosis. I asked them to trust my judgement and to allow her to have packed lunches until the end of the week.

Incredibly, I received a reply from another senior teacher telling me my request has been declined and DD won't be allowed packed lunches "despite a presenting medical need, unless guidance from a dietician to this effect is received by the school".

Children bring their own snacks for mid-morning and after-school activities, and although nuts are quite understandably barred, they are free to bring anything else they want into school to have as a snack. Therefore, the argument the senior teacher made that my DD bringing a packed lunch increases "exposure to known allergens for other children" is utterly ridiculous.

AIBU for disagreeing with this policy? I genuinely would like to hear what other parents think and what I should be doing next. Thank you.

I have tried to get her a private appointment but there are no private gaatroenterologists in my neck of the woods. I would need to travel to London. So far I've tried to trust the GP's opinion that it was OK to wait for the hospital to contact us. But I am seriously considering booking it in London, although that will mean missing a lot of school for follow up appointments.

They know it's not a virus so don't need her to be off school.

Of course they can, she is your child and you do what you feel is best, hope she gets everything sorted and feels better soon.

I definitely haven't "left it slide". I've pushed for a referral to the hospital and then a follow up letter trying to chase it. Dealing with the GP alone has been a challenge, believe me.
I would have gone private from day one but there just isn't a private paediatric doctor near where I live. This is another problem with privatisation of our heath care: it's not necessarily available outside of London.

I agree that this falls under reasonable adjustments in the Equality Act 2010 for disability needs
To evidence that you need to make an urgent appointment with GP surgery to consult / email the practice manager to request a Gp letter that states they are investigating a food related health problem best managed by close monitoring of food by parent- which parent providing packed lunch would meet, and she is awaiting consultant appointment for this.

You can't advise what her dietary needs currently ate
An alternative would be you could tell the school what plain foods she is able to eat or what you put in packed lunch - and ask that they follow your dietary plan each week that may change as test results come in- I suspect they would prefer not to do this as puts the catering company more at risk if they breach it or cross contaminate the food

Which part of the UK are you in OP?

Most areas have a private hospital and it's not necessary you see are a paediatric gastro unless your GP has specifically said that's what she needs.

I don't know why you are worrying about her having time off school.
She's having episodes of vomiting at least 3 days a week.
I used to teach (private schools) and we wouldn't be at all worried about pupils having time off for medical appts.

I've skimmed through the thread, so apologise if I missed something. Has the GP put in a referral to the clinician? If so can you contact their office/department to enquire where you are in the queue?

I ask because my mum was waiting for a clinic at hospital to contact her and it was taking a long time, she called their office/department to see where she was and was seen within a couple of weeks.

Up to the school if they don't want to allow packed lunches. I can see the issues it might create if all the other kids get the same food and then your dd starts bringing in something of their own. Within a week, there'll be dozens of other kids asking to do the same. There's potential that they have other kids with allergies and don't want to risk your dd bringing in something that just might come into contact with another child.

I'm amazed that the GP has all but ruled out a food intolerance, because that sounds exactly like what it is from what you've said. Especially given that it happens more after eating greasy food, and that it's predominantly occurring a few hours after eating school dinner then that's the obvious culprit unless dd is eating anything else in the meantime.

I guess it could just be due to overeating a heavy lunch (especially if the kids are forced to clear their plates every time) and then being overly active in the afternoons (PE, going to park after school etc).

One of my kids had cyclical vomiting syndrome. It didn't present quite like your dd's symptoms - it was far more infrequent, and only threw up once (or sometimes twice) per incidence, and no link between it happening and mealtimes or what they'd eaten.

Tell the school that you're ok with them trying to accommodate her food requirements, but as yet you have no idea what is causing the issue - it may or may not be explicitly food related (my guess is that it is). So to start with I'd ask the school to provide you with a complete list of all the ingredients that they've used in each days food to be sent home with your dd daily. The effort of doing that alone just might make them reconsider your request. And it may well allow you to identify something in particular in the food on the affected days.

It really sounds like cyclical vomiting. My DS has cyclical vomiting. He also has migraines and was eventually diagnosed with mitochondrial disease. Cyclical vomiting is a neurological symptom (misfiring from the brain when there are triggers like stress) and you need to go and see a neurologist not a gastroenterologist. Is there a maternal family history of migraines? This is common in kids with cyclical vomiting.
It won't matter what he eats but it will matter if he is tired or stressed and we found that making sure that my ds had something to eat every few hours really helped too.

Think it's absurd that a school won't allow packed lunches, but you chose a private school with the rules that go along with it. Your solution is to switch schools.

I would push for reasonable adjustments under the equality act as suggested by a PP. At the moment your DD has a physical impairment and a reasonable adjustment would be to allow DD to have a packed lunch maybe for a temporary period till things are clearer. Ask the school for specific reasons why they think that is unreasonable. “It’s against our rules” is not enough. Contact the Education Authority or your local councillor or citizens advice for further info. Also point out the school could be exacerbating your DD’s condition by feeding her food that’s harming her

I have a disabled son and have frequently had to explain the Equality Act to institutions who should know better

DS prep school was the same, no packed lunches, although I am not sure what they did if challenged.
DS didn’t eat lunch from ages 3-9 except weekends, holidays and lockdowns. He now eats at his new school (and has put on weight!)
If it’s anything like DS tiny prep I wouldn’t ask, I would just tell them this is what’s happening. They tend to be too scared to lose a pupil to argue!

This is commonly compulsory in private school, much as I think it seems to fly in the face of common sense when a child is literally vomiting.

I would try asking GP for a letter, even if you have to pay for it to be done privately. It would be a brave head to ignore a doctor's letter because it was from a GP rather than a dietician. You could also request a meeting with the catering co and continue to send in lunches until that meeting is held.

And think about whether this school can be trusted with her care. They seem more interested in giving you hoops to jump through than ensuring her needs are met.

Whatever you were going to send in the packed lunch, ask the school to provide. Then you don't have to get it ready for her to take in, and the school are happy.

You don't know the full details of each child at the school. If the teacher says it is to reduce the exposure to known allergens, it would suggest to me there is a child there with an issue which requires vigilance, but can't necessarily discus with you. Perhaps this child is separated at snack time but eats with the class at lunch, for example. Its more of a pain for the school to arrange for the catering company to do her a special lunch than allow you to send one, so I would imagine they have their reasons.

It's not helpful for posters to try and diagnose the child.

One of my Dcs has a food intolerances and was diagnosed by a consultant allergy specialist (an immunologist.)

The diagnosis took the form of skin pricks and elimination diets.

Neither of us was ever sick (ie vomiting.)

The child needs to see a gastroenterologist first who will rule out anything physical, like a hiatus hernia, shape of stomach, issues with the bile duct (or anything mechanical in the gut.)

If that is all fine, they may suggest an allergy specialist as the next step.

Not what you asked but I also find it crazy that you pay for private school but haven’t paid to go privately to have this investigated! I mean your daughter vomited for hours at a time several times a week but you don’t want the hassle of going to London for a few appointments?

Since every pupil eats a catered lunch why can’t you just ask them to do her a plain meal? They will have other kids with intolerances or dietary requirements so. They will be prepping individual meals already, but also I don’t see why the school meals would even be particularly fatty.

It is surprising that your area doesn't have a private hospital when you have private prep schools and a Waitrose.

Where are you?

Blood hell. I am so shocked that a 9 or 10 year old child is vomiting for hours a few times a week and you've already had to wait 9 months to even get a letter with an appointment.
Has your GP chased the referral?

This is another issue but still connected OP. Does your D see a dentist regularly? Anyone who is vomiting that much needs to be aware that the acid in vomit can destroy teeth. This is why people with EDs often have issues with their teeth. For a child aged 9/10 this is a potential issue.

Could you not email the school a list of foods she can eat? Even if you email asking for a ham sandwich, that's still better than the hot dinners.

Could you just reply back and say "OK, could the catering company provide her with a ham sandwich , a yogurt, a banana and two plain rice cakes every day until we are able to get an appointment with the paediatrician please?"

My kids are at a private school and you pay the catering separately in the invoice….. I’m surprised you didn’t know that packed lunches aren’t allowed!

As I said, we don't have private paediatric consultant within 50 Miles. Private hospital yes. Private paediatric doctor no.

Yes they have chased and nothing at all happened.

At our school you'd be an inconvenience but more than that, ours is a boarding school so a higher duty of care to the children who the school are fully responsible for while they're there. If you were to accidentally pack an item with nuts in (I did this via a Cherry bakewell once at my dc old school for example) it could set an allergic reaction off inadvertently.

You need to sit down and discuss the options with the schools. The two private schools my dc have attended are very traditional and strict. It's their way and I agree with their stance not to bend over backwards for one parent. However I'm quite sure they still will allow a pack lunch if you discuss what's going on and ask for their support. I don't think they have to support you though unless you can prove some form of discrimination but again, in our school they'd say they have a case to protect the current other students as well.

Yes you're right to think about his teeth. She's seeing a private dentist and was last checked in December.