To think that there are USUALLY only three reasons why healthy young men ‘go off sex’

[Anon778833]

1 Affair
2 Porn addiction
3 (most hopefully) erectile dysfunction

outside chance - depression - but that would manifest in other areas.

Especially when it’s for at least 18 months!

On a FB group, a woman was saying that her husband has checked out of physical intimacy with her for all this time and he just says ‘it’s not you it’s me’.

Cue a whole raft of women —idiots— saying that all the poor man needs is candles and sexy underwear to get him in the mood!!

I was told that I’m being ‘anti-feminist’ for saying that if it were me, I’d be doing some digging because it’s very unusual for a man who usually likes sex to suddenly become asexual.

Perhaps I am becoming overly cynical in my old age but I am fed up with this culture that teaches women that men are incredibly complex creatures who struggle so much with their complex thoughts that it’s perfectly normal for them to just check out of physical intimacy and it’s the woman’s job to help him and be his counsel and wear sexy clothes??!!!

Im happy to be schooled and told I’m wrong but it’s almost always an affair from past experience.

gay

I think it's complex. My husband had v v low testosterone. It's better now he injects weekly

Some anti depressants kill the libido.

Why would you be hopeful for erectile dysfunction. I imagine that's a really difficult thing for any bloke to deal with.

Not all men are hardwired to their bits. Stress at work, drinking or doing drugs, mental health issues, medication, commitment issues. All of these are more likely than he's secretly gay as someone suggested.

I know that it can be physical but do men suddenly have a drop in testosterone where previously they were fine?

I also think it’s very cruel to just withdraw and not tell the partner why.

I wouldn’t be hopeful for ED but it would probably be less hurtful than an affair or a porn addiction,

What’s wrong with being bi?

Religious parents, culture, shame, expectations.

I've known a few.

I would say

1. getting sex somewhere else either porn or affair
2. gay
3. ill, either physically or mentally but there would be other symptoms
4. no longer fancies partner but hasnt got the balls to end it.

But we are talking about a married man, late 20s with a child.

Cynical and narrow minded, soz

Given that most blokes will stick their dick in most things if nothing else is available/if they can get away with it, then yes, I’d say there has to be a very good reason for an otherwise fit young healthy man to go off sex. NAMALT of course, but an overwhelmingly high percentage of them, and if you think otherwise then you’re deluding yourself or very naïve.

I did when we were actively trying for a baby. I was happy before, but probably wanted sex more often than her. But while we both wanted a baby, I found the "quick, before dinner, I'm ovulating" situation off putting when previously I had to set the scene (i.e. get all the jobs done, make sure she wasn't tired, make sure there was enough time etc. etc.) It felt unsexy and functional and I was really forcing myself to perform. It caused friction between us. I did fancy her, I did want a baby, and I did still want to have sex, but the circumstances put me off.

Given that most blokes will stick their dick in most things if nothing else is available/if they can get away with it, then yes, I’d say there has to be a very good reason

Maybe they stick it in most things because if they don't they will be gay, depressed, asexual or have ED or be weirdoes...

My ex DH had immense intimacy issues and would prefer a wank than sex. If we did have sex i had to do everything while he lay there and never made a sound. We married when he was 22 and I was 20 and we only had sex on our 2 week honeymoon once, and thats only because I really pushed. After that sex was once every 4-6 months if i was ĺucky.This was all through our twenties. He had a couple of affairs in his 30s but needed viagra to manage it. So yes, it can be much more complex than three reasons.
PS been divorced 12 years now and finally have a sex life !

It’s ok, I would have said the same 20 years ago. But I’ve seen so many situations where it was an affair over the years. It if this were my partner I’d be digging to see what’s going on. Especially coupled with the lack of explanation.

That's convenient. All to do with him and his activities and NOTHING about what his partner might be doing that's put him off?

@BabyOnBoard90 you can’t be serious 🤣 what on earth do you mean? If you decide to marry someone and have a child with them, it’s ok to suddenly decide yoh find them repellent, really?

I don't understand how women feel like they can make assumptions or speak on behalf of men.

The three you listed are all fair game in my opinion, but I don't know of anyone in my circle of friends/acquaintances that has ever been having an affair and or checked out of their relationship.

As a young male personally work stress and anxiety have been a big killer of my sexual appetite. Along with a lack of sleep and the same is true if my peers.

Many men go off sex if their partner is doing something that makes them feel insecure or unloved or vulnerable. My DM has a temper which she takes out of DDad. In turn, he feels bad about himself and it hits his confidence so he doesn’t initiate sex.

Men who are busy or stressed or tired are less likely to feel in the mood for sex.

Physical illness, injury or pain can play a big role in avoiding sex. Again, my DDad had a vasectomy and had long term pain afterwards which hugely impacted my parents sex life. My DH got a concussion and we didn’t have sex for a good while afterwards.

I wish my DM didn’t talk to me so much about her sex life.

Just like women, there are huge numbers of reasons why men wouldn’t want sex - either with a specific person or in general. I think the reasons you’ve listed are very unfair and inaccurate.

I do think you're being a bit simplistic here. There are lots of reasons why men and women each lose interest from time to time, and not all are sinister. I don't necessarily think it is the woman's responsibility to wear sexy lingerie etc, but that may form a part of a wider effort from both parties to improve things.

It's not 'ok' but it happens!

It's exactly why my husband of 23 years has refused all sexual contact with me in the past 6 years.

It's absolutely shit but I love him, he loves me and our life together is really good apart from that so I just live with it.

I have known a number of men who were married or in relationships with women who were gay, and decided eventually to 'come out' and leave their wife or partner.

However, these were all in the 80s and 90s and the acceptance of same sex relationships was a lot less than it is now.

If not that, I think the late 20s man could be the 'don't fancy you any more' type.

Agreed. I hate that it's fine on MN to post sexist crap about blokes. I don't like it whichever sex it targets.