To think that there are USUALLY only three reasons why healthy young men ‘go off sex’

[Anon778833]

1 Affair
2 Porn addiction
3 (most hopefully) erectile dysfunction

outside chance - depression - but that would manifest in other areas.

Especially when it’s for at least 18 months!

On a FB group, a woman was saying that her husband has checked out of physical intimacy with her for all this time and he just says ‘it’s not you it’s me’.

Cue a whole raft of women —idiots— saying that all the poor man needs is candles and sexy underwear to get him in the mood!!

I was told that I’m being ‘anti-feminist’ for saying that if it were me, I’d be doing some digging because it’s very unusual for a man who usually likes sex to suddenly become asexual.

Perhaps I am becoming overly cynical in my old age but I am fed up with this culture that teaches women that men are incredibly complex creatures who struggle so much with their complex thoughts that it’s perfectly normal for them to just check out of physical intimacy and it’s the woman’s job to help him and be his counsel and wear sexy clothes??!!!

Im happy to be schooled and told I’m wrong but it’s almost always an affair from past experience.

Typical shortsighted mindset that's being instilled in women

I thought nowadays people were entitled to say NO even without a reason.

I'm very much a feminist and I think it's odd as well that there's so many. I have been hearing this from many young women and I never heard of any young male (late teens t through 20s) going through this 30 years ago when I was dating.

One common denominator is medication, particularly anti-depression meds. And I agree with over use of porn.

I think this is really interesting @Beneficialchampion2. Ive been with my husband for a long time. He's in his 30s and we would say we have a happy marriage. We don't regularly have sex (as much as people say is "normal", but we kiss, hug, hold hands, dance, laugh, talk and most definitely feel a high level of intimacy. Neither of us have ever had particularly high sex drives and we regularly and openly talk about it in the context of our relationship and agree that work stress, tiredness and general life doesn't help. Yes we could make more effort but I don't believe any of the OP three points are applicable. Interestingly the above seems to be a common theme amongst our friendship groups too.

Maybe people will say that I'm being naive and he's clearly got someone else but I am 99.9% confident it's not the case and I'm happy so...shrugs shoulders

@Moonmelodies yes. You are entitled to say no. You don’t have to stay married to someone if you don’t want to.

What you should then do is leave the relationship. You don’t check out and leave your partner unfulfilled, wasting their life and wondering what the hell is going on for 18 months. That is cruel. Emotionally abusive, even.

I am fed up with this culture that teaches women that men are incredibly complex creatures who struggle so much with their complex thoughts that it’s perfectly normal for them to just check out of physical intimacy

But it can be true. Are you implying that men are simple creatures with the equivalent of a reptilian brain and only know four functions of kill, eat, fuck and sleep, then repeat?

Men are as complex as women and the harmful myths are sayings like women have to be in the mood for sex, but men only need to be in the room. Men are not constantly gagging for sex.

Agree with others that "gay" should be on the list.

My XH turned out to be gay. It's more common than you think. We had a 19-year relationship, two DC... Just because someone is married (to someone of the opposite sex) with kids doesn't mean they're not gay. I've heard the stories of lots of women who are/were married to gay men and sex tailing off, lack of sex or infrequent sex is a common theme. Most of us thought it was normal with young kids, busy life etc.

Problems in the relationship such as being taken for granted or disrespected will put me off sex.

Even if that jeopardizes children's relationships with their parents, and possibly their general welfare?

It’s naive to not accept that men and women are different. IMHO

The simplest explanation is usually the correct one.

I think there are more than 3 reasons, but being the subject of a Facebook post would certainly kill my libido!

If he’s working 100 hours a week, if his business is going down the toilet or he’s got to lay off staff, if a mortgage and a young family feel too overwhelming for someone so young…all reasons. But I don’t think you’re too cynical op, it’s not the actions of a healthy man.

I totally agree with you. Id assume most likely porn or an affair

Your title: ’healthy’ and your post: ’asexual’ doesn’t make sense.

There is nothing wrong with being asexual.
And asexuality is about lack of sexual attraction, not about libido.

Could also be heavy drinking or smoking skunk.

Or they're angry with their partner for some reason.

A lot of men are into angry sex.

It happened to a friend of mine. Healthy sex life before marriage and then nothing. He had some sort of Madonna/ whore complex which took years to get over. I think it doesn’t help if they won’t talk about it or seek help- that’s the deal breaker rather than lack of a physical relationship.

Of course there is nothing wrong with being asexual FGS but it would be unusual for a man who used to like sex to suddenly not want sex with anyone any more.

This also sounds somewhat coercive - "Have sex with me or leave" (leaving could bring him many disadvantages, especially if he is a parent)

Given that most blokes will stick their dick in most things if nothing else is available/if they can get away with it. NAMALT of course, but an overwhelmingly high percentage of them, and if you think otherwise then you’re deluding yourself or very naïve.

What a lovely image of men😁

I do wonder why any woman even bothers with men if this is true.
Sounds like women would be much happier and healthier without men.

@Moonmelodies we will have to agree to differ. I don’t think it’s good for a child to grow up with parents who resent each other. I also think that people have a right to be fulfilled in their relationship and to leave if they are not.

He’s got the idk !

Ick

So there is a link below this thread where a woman aged 38 has decided she has no interest in sex and that if Daniel Craig turned up she still wouldn't be interested. The posters have picked up on the husband being needy, and it all being down to him.

Anecdotally, this does seem to happen to more women than men, but why is assumed that if it happens to women it is because the man has let himself go/didn't do the dishes/dares to ask once in a while, but when it happens to the man he is either having an affair, addicted to porn, or has a medical condition?

In the case of my parents, my mum having an affair put my dad off having sex with her and that caused her to have yet more affairs while complaining he was forcing her to cheat on him because he was a closet gay man who’d lied to her and tricked her into marriage.

Thing is, she thought her first affair was a secret but it wasn’t, my dad knew all about it and it made him very sad and feel betrayed such that she wasn’t attractive to him. But he decided to pretend it wasn’t happening because we DC were aged 3 to 10 and he stayed for we DC. He filed for divorce when the youngest was 11. And then he had a few long term girlfriends the rest of his life.

He wasn’t gay. He just didnt want sex with a woman who was cheating on him behind his back.

There is so much more to marriage than sex.

If you don’t love your partner without smashing genitalias together, then there was no relationship there to begin with.