To think that there are USUALLY only three reasons why healthy young men ‘go off sex’

[Anon778833]

1 Affair
2 Porn addiction
3 (most hopefully) erectile dysfunction

outside chance - depression - but that would manifest in other areas.

Especially when it’s for at least 18 months!

On a FB group, a woman was saying that her husband has checked out of physical intimacy with her for all this time and he just says ‘it’s not you it’s me’.

Cue a whole raft of women —idiots— saying that all the poor man needs is candles and sexy underwear to get him in the mood!!

I was told that I’m being ‘anti-feminist’ for saying that if it were me, I’d be doing some digging because it’s very unusual for a man who usually likes sex to suddenly become asexual.

Perhaps I am becoming overly cynical in my old age but I am fed up with this culture that teaches women that men are incredibly complex creatures who struggle so much with their complex thoughts that it’s perfectly normal for them to just check out of physical intimacy and it’s the woman’s job to help him and be his counsel and wear sexy clothes??!!!

Im happy to be schooled and told I’m wrong but it’s almost always an affair from past experience.

Alternative to 4.

no longer fancies partner but stays there for the sake of children.

Yes very true, its not only women who make this choice.

Well, back in the mists of time when I was 20 something man I went off sex a number of times, not due to porn addiction, affairs or ED, but usually due to stress or tiredness - finishing off my masters degree killed off my libido, as was that time when I spent several months working crazy hours offshore and was absolutely shattered when I got home, or when I was studying to pass my chartership exams and interviews. Being in abusive controlling relationship did not exactly light up the passion either.

Yes I can see that most men will realise that if they split with their partner, the child usually lives with their mother. So that would be a reason for them not to want to split.

Hum, my dearest husband lost interest the moment a computer was brought into the house years ago now. I should have got a life while I was still young. Still with but boy I wished I'd grabbed the kids and moved on

You're still alive and it's not too late to try and make the type of life you'd actually like to live.

If a married man goes off sex, whatever the reason, he should be working to resolve it. Leaving the poor wife to wonder why is cruel. It's his responsibility to work on his issues, whether that means telling her "you're fat I don't fancy you" or going to the gp. He should be at least open to working on the issue, if he's not he has no business being married.

Low testosterone is a real factor. I had mumps as a child but thought nothing of it. Then, about 5 years ago, I started to get hot flushes at random times. Properly dripping with sweat. I was lucky enough to have health insurance through my employer and it was revealed that I had the baseline T level of someone aged 95. It also explained my low fertility and our need for ICSI to conceive our family.

I was prescribed testosterone gel to apply to my skin and it has transformed things. I probably put on a stone of muscle despite steady activity levels, and I was a lot livelier in other parts of my life too. Getting this through private health was, I now understand, very lucky, as I've heard that NHS GPs can be reluctant to prescribe T due to its abuse potential (think anabolic steroids)

YABU
depression
Stress
Exhaustion
Bereavement
Relationship problems
Hygiene problems in partner?
Change in appearance in partner
Change in appearance in themself/ confidence.
Gay

They can be asexual
Medical reasons
Other interests

Besides who is a bunch of randoms on mumsnet to judge why ANYBODY goes off sex, male or female.

This is a very judgy pants post IMO

I have a male friend that was basically raped by his girlfriend. He was half asleep with 'morning wood' and the next thing he knew he was pinned down, smothered with a pillow and his girlfriend was riding him.

Was he asking for it?

The girlfriend was completely unapologetic and was high fiving other women, who found it hilarious, in the pub.

If that put him off sex, does it make him gay?

Problem is, I'm a wet lettuce,! Any cure?

Mental ill health
Stress

Both these can be reason enough. But sometimes people do simply go off sex, so to speak. There isn't always a reason nor does there have to be one....🤷‍♂️

If my partner suddenly started refusing sex for that long, I would absolutely assume he was either having an affair and getting it elsewhere, or just found me unattractive now. Both of which would be the end of the relationship. He would have to actually talk to me and explain wtf was going on to make me stay.

Your thinking is fat too black and white OP. All this, "a marriage withut sex is just a friendship" stuff is not true. For a variety of reasons DH and I have not been able to have sex for about three years. It's still a marriage. If we never do it again, it's still a marriage.

An awful lot of men find having sex just too much effort and resort to a quick wank as a download. There are a host of reasons for this but being bone shattered tired, both not having the appetite at the same time, kids being demanding, no longer seeing the wife as a sexual partner but the mother of the kids etc. Men are more complex than your list. Not all but a lot are.

I have a male friend that was basically raped by his girlfriend. He was half asleep with 'morning wood' and the next thing he knew he was pinned down, smothered with a pillow and his girlfriend was riding him.

For some men that is a fantasy. I know mine wouldn't complain neither would I if it were reversed. Her problem was that she likely has never discussed this with him before and she made an assumption he'd be in to it, which is sexual assault yes.

Reasons that I, a man, have gone off sex in the past: -

1. Not fancying my partner any more (age 20 for about 6 months, ended up splitting up because I couldn't get rid of the ick)
2. Feeling like my partner didn't fancy me (Age 27. DP had never been great at initiating, but it got to the point where she wasn't initiating at all. Had conversations about it, but we didn't solve the issue till I stopped bothering as well and partner finally got a taste of being on the other side of it.)
3. Stress. Horrendous work situation coupled with a dying mother (Age 37. Lasted about a year. Just did not have the headspace for it)
4. DP being ill for a sustained period. (Age 32. Partner wall seriously ill for a period of time and I acted as her carer. Once she recovered and was up for it again, it took me a while to mentally move her back out of the "needs to be looked after" box and into the "is a sexual being" box.

None of the above were due to affairs, or porn, or wanking. OP, kindly fuck off with your "men are simple headed numpties who aren't capable of emotions" bullshit. Our libidos are just as linked to our emotional wellbeing as any woman, we just don't talk about it because we end up getting mocked.

There are a lot of married women that go off sex and I’ve never heard that advice given to them.

I think going off sex, for men and women, is so much more common than people realise and we just don’t talk about it in real life. I’m quite old and have been in several long relationships and in at least 2 of them the men, who were in their 30s, just completely went off me towards the end of the relationship. No one else involved. Just checked out emotionally and physically and that was that but would have been happy to plod along indefinitely. Then I’ve experienced it the other way round where I’ve been that person. (Although in my case it’s linked to medical issues). I think we are told by the media that men are always up for it and whatever else but that really isn’t my experience and isn’t the experience of the friends I’ve talked about it with either.

Obviously, OP is talking shite.

These things happen for all sorts of complex reasons.

I realise what I’ve said sounds contradictory- I meant I wasn’t happy to just go on but they were.

Really? You've never heard of a woman being advised to investigate the reason for her lack of sex drive?

Others have pointed out many reasons. What concerns me slightly is that you consider erectile dysfunction the "most hopeful" reason. This is not a straightforward condition that can be fixed with a dose of Veno's. Not usually, anyway.

1. loss of attraction.

I think it is possible to just not fancy someone anymore. There's often talk herevof the ick. I think men are more susceptible to the erh. Fear of pregnancy is a big one too, as is stress (rather than depression) I guess on the odd occasion it could also be a form of control.