To think that there are USUALLY only three reasons why healthy young men ‘go off sex’

[Anon778833]

1 Affair
2 Porn addiction
3 (most hopefully) erectile dysfunction

outside chance - depression - but that would manifest in other areas.

Especially when it’s for at least 18 months!

On a FB group, a woman was saying that her husband has checked out of physical intimacy with her for all this time and he just says ‘it’s not you it’s me’.

Cue a whole raft of women —idiots— saying that all the poor man needs is candles and sexy underwear to get him in the mood!!

I was told that I’m being ‘anti-feminist’ for saying that if it were me, I’d be doing some digging because it’s very unusual for a man who usually likes sex to suddenly become asexual.

Perhaps I am becoming overly cynical in my old age but I am fed up with this culture that teaches women that men are incredibly complex creatures who struggle so much with their complex thoughts that it’s perfectly normal for them to just check out of physical intimacy and it’s the woman’s job to help him and be his counsel and wear sexy clothes??!!!

Im happy to be schooled and told I’m wrong but it’s almost always an affair from past experience.

I was wondering how on earth you knew if your dad initiated sex with your mum or not! I'd die if my parents made me privy to that kind of info.

Because men and women are not the same.

But at the same time, a relationship with no sex is only a friendship.

Perhaps these pwople felt pressure to have sex.

All we are ever told and so much of our surroundings is about sex (seriously, how are everyone not bored of it already) that perhaps he/they think this is what they must do.

There is a huge pressure to be in a relationship/ have sex / be normal.
Without stigma and taboo, I wonder what things would actually look like.

Plenty of ’healthy’ people don’t want / have sex.

It’s time to end this limiting and oppressive narrative.

When DP went stopped wanting to be intimate, all thoughts went through my head, he wouldn't talk about it. After some months we were watching TV and he had started crying, something he had never done before. He had been bottling things up about his health worries and decided to keep it from me to protect me. After going to GP and getting help, we slowly got back to normal.
Loads of reasons why men or women may go off sex, best to keep communication open and non judgemental.

So women have the right to say no to sex in a relationship but also have the right to have it on tap, but the man must be a brahma bull at the click of a switch, ready and willing whatever his circumstances, and if not he's either having an affair or wanking too much?

Oh, what a sad way of looking life and love!
You are wrong of course.

I'm sorry, @Xaviera i've quoted the wrong post

Maybe shes ballooned and he doesnt find her attractive anymore. And hes to kind to say that's the reason

No worries, interesting how divided opinion is on this!

anabolic steroids if he's a heavy gym user / weight lifter

What a load of rubbish. There are loads of reasons - trauma, physical health issues, stress.

I'm pretty sure that having a partner who felt they were entitled to have sex with me would put me right off.

Not everyone is that into sex. I think it is by far the most over rated of human activities. I suspect my DH feels the same way. It was fine at the beginning but now it’s a bit of a chore. I’d rather scroll YouTube and drink teA.

You must either have unusually close friendships or very poor relationships!

I enjoy sex, but it's one of the less important things about my relationship. Things like a commitment to raising a family together and unequivocally support for each other seem rather more important.

We barely had sex last year apart from maybe the last two months, new baby, new job, lots of illness meant we just couldn’t be bothered, sleep and rest was a much bigger priority, as was binge watching things on netflix.

Could be loads more reasons OP. The most obvious one is he has a crush on someone else. Low self esteem is apparently also a killer for the male sex drive.

Yes, you're wrong. It's an utterly sexist suggestion, and only someone that objectifies men would think it - that a man is supposed to provide sexual satisfaction to a woman on demand. That he can't possibly have feelings, emotions or hormones of his own.

The reality is that that a lot of men who go off sex do so because their partner/disfunctioning relationship has put them off. Oddly enough, just as that's one of the main reasons why women go off sex too.

But at the same time, a relationship with no sex is only a friendship.

DH and I haven't had sex for a few years now but I can absolutely assure you our relationship is still as valid as a real as it ever were, more so in fact given the challenges we have faced which ironically led to the no sex thing. Please don't be dismissive of good relationships, and keep in mind many relationships where sex is involved are not good relationships. Sex is not the basis

@Stompythedinosaur but after 18 months of no sex and no explanation, would you not be thinking this isn’t right?

Its perfectly fine if both people are happy with no sex but that isn’t the reality of the situation that I described. Which is a man an a woman with a decent sex life that he suddenly checks out of with no explanation.

Again, if both people are happy then of course it’s valid. But not if one person is miserable.

I agree that the situation you describe is a problem. But I don't agree with your 3 potential diagnoses as the only potential cause.

I am so saddened to see such a sexist and anti feminist post OP. Of course men are complex creatures, they are human?? My husband has ADHD which affects his sex drive in terms of performance anxiety. I'm a fiery, sex loving woman who is hard to please sometimes and I get that can be hard work sometimes vs just having a wank or waiting to be fully stress free to make love. Gosh what has happened to feminism these days, it's about EQUALITY, if this post was about women's libido it wouldn't exist. Such a narrow way of thinking, Mumsnet really needs to check in on ridiculous antiquated attitudes from women that men are all ravaged sexual beasts and if they don't want sex the relationship must be doomed.... Jesus women, get yourselves a decent vibrator and stfu!

How is it anti-feminist to suggest that women often have to put up with gaslighting because their partner / husband won’t be upfront with them?

Also there is no equality for women so stop deluding yourself.

We don’t live in a world where women pretend to like men to get sex. We don’t live in a world where people say ‘he was asking for it’.

Possibly for the same reasons a young woman working a full time job and having a young child might go off sex?