To think that there are USUALLY only three reasons why healthy young men ‘go off sex’

[Anon778833]

1 Affair
2 Porn addiction
3 (most hopefully) erectile dysfunction

outside chance - depression - but that would manifest in other areas.

Especially when it’s for at least 18 months!

On a FB group, a woman was saying that her husband has checked out of physical intimacy with her for all this time and he just says ‘it’s not you it’s me’.

Cue a whole raft of women —idiots— saying that all the poor man needs is candles and sexy underwear to get him in the mood!!

I was told that I’m being ‘anti-feminist’ for saying that if it were me, I’d be doing some digging because it’s very unusual for a man who usually likes sex to suddenly become asexual.

Perhaps I am becoming overly cynical in my old age but I am fed up with this culture that teaches women that men are incredibly complex creatures who struggle so much with their complex thoughts that it’s perfectly normal for them to just check out of physical intimacy and it’s the woman’s job to help him and be his counsel and wear sexy clothes??!!!

Im happy to be schooled and told I’m wrong but it’s almost always an affair from past experience.

Dp says arguments bickering etc between us kill his drive.
Attraction he stopped fancying his ex wife.
Boredom is a factor too.

He's a bit older than the op wanted but he's still has plenty of energy, no health issues physically affecting his drive.

There are health issues that can cause a drop in testosterone. Men are people too. If they're overly stressed, going through traumatic events or not getting on with their partner they might not want sex.

You're not being overly cynical. You're just thinking of men as being simple.

Honestly? I get where you're coming from but I think you're being overly simplistic and judgemental.

Mental health is real. For both men and women. It's stereotypical that men are these insatiable horn dogs and that they MUST be up to no good.

Your comment about society unfairly teaching women that men are "complex creatures" when they're not is just downright misandry. All humans are complex creatures. I'm sick of the BS I see on here sometimes about men. There was a post I saw the other day that literally described them as being "not whole humans".

WTAF are you playing at? You're not doing women or men any favours with your toxic masculinity perpetuating bullshit.

No not really. What I’ve seen in comments (granted it’s mostly on here and in the guardian problem section) it’s mostly aimed at the man to pick up more housework, do more childcare, etc. I haven’t read every comment on here, but I haven’t seen that suggested to the wife. Working full time and having a young child is stressful and I can see why either parent might go of sex for a while.

Not seen this reason so far.

Could it be they have found out they have a STI or whatever they call it these days and or inc HIV?
Hving stated the above only the BF knows the real answer but it is odd

@ThisGirlNever i am talking about the most usual situation. I am sorry but are you seriously saying that women perpetuate sex crimes at the same rate as men? Clearly, they don’t.

Everything I say is a generalisation - that’s true.

We all have opinions based on what we’ve seen happen to people we know.

Some men do, just as women can go off their husband in that way.
There's a lot of reasons why men can lose their libido, you can't just narrow it down to three.

Phillip Schofield and Michael Barrymore were both married, it didn't stop them being gay.

It is difficult not to have a cynical view of men when statistics show that 60% of men on dating sites are married / attached posing as single.

Another reason is that as we get older we grow and change as a person. If I had married the person I wanted to marry back then, I would have been bored to tears in five years. My DBro has been married 40 years but it was clear he found her stultifyingly boring from fairly early on. He hangs in there for appearance sake only. I think this is why second marriages often last longer than first ones. People change. What does and does not interest them changes.

How do you know the most usual situations? Have you surveyed men and women about this? You're guessing like everyone else. However, you're doing it in a way that implies men are simple and women who stick with a man who has gone off sex are being naive.

You're going to get some disagreement and different responses.

Do you have a link to these stats?

2nd marriages for men have the same failure rate as their first.
Outcomes women's 2nd marriages are worse.

You're going to get some disagreement and different responses.

of course. I also accept that I may be too cynical. But I do think it’s more often men manipulating women than the other way around. It’s not controversial to say that men are more likely to commit sex crimes either.

People who think that men and women behave in identical ways have their heads in the sand.

I would suggest you ask for your rape apologetic post to be removed immediately.

Suggesting a man who has been violently sexually assaulted might have 'wanted it' is absolutely vile, and threatens any and all progress that has been made by campaigns and education around consent in recent years.

Honestly, I found your post quite upsetting, and I hope the OP realises that this type of attitude being voiced on this thread is the logical conclusion of the horribly outdated, sexist views they are espousing in the OP.

Ha, you think gay guys won’t stick it in anything? You’ve clearly never spent any time around gay men.

I would suggest you ask for your rape apologetic post to be removed immediately.

Suggesting a man who has been violently sexually assaulted might have 'wanted it' is absolutely vile, and threatens any and all progress that has been made by campaigns and education around consent in recent years.

Honestly, I found your post quite upsetting, and I hope the OP realises that this type of attitude being voiced on this thread is the logical conclusion of the horribly outdated, sexist views they are espousing in the OP.

This is simply not true. It is recognised that second marriages last longer than first marriages and this has been true for decades.

she made an assumption he'd be in to it

Or she didn't care what he consented to and took what she wanted.

Suggesting a man who has been violently sexually assaulted might have 'wanted it' is absolutely vile, and threatens any and all progress that has been made by campaigns and education around consent in recent years.

I'm pretty sure that's not what I said. But women are more vulnerable to rape crimes than men are. I'm not sure why anyone would want to dispute that?

It's for this reason that it's so worrying that female only spaces are a right that is being eroded.

I do not think an affair will mean zero sex in the marriage, though, unfortunately. At least he actually feels guilty and is scared of passing something on.
I would be sending my DH to the doctor straight away.
Candles and sexy underwear is BS.

I had a live in boyfriend go off sex at one point when were were early 20s. I am certain it wasn't affair or porn but he was somewhat depressed. I say somewhat as I don't believe he it was extreme. I think reasons probably vary person to person. I wouldn't automatically assume an affair. In some cases perhaps the man might not know why he's gone off it - I do at times so I'm sure men do at points too.

No. There's all sorts of reasons, people are individuals. I'm not a huge fan of men in general but this is sexist rubbish.

It depends on the country. In America for example more 2nd marriages fail/divorce rate is higher than for 1st marriages.

YABU. Yes, men are incredibly complex creatures, just as women are. It's called being human.

There can be many reasons in addition to the obvious ones.

Head injury can damage the pituitary gland and reduce production of two important hormones. The part of the pituitary gland that regulates growth hormone (GH) release is particularly vulnerable to the effects of head injury. Reduced production of GH causes symptoms of fatigue, reduced interest in sex, reduced stamina, anxiety, and depression. This happens in about 18 percent of people with brain injuries, most of whom had moderate to severe TBI. In most patients (90 percent), this condition resolves within a year.

www.brainline.org/qa/hypopituitarism-after-brain-injury

Traumatic brain injuries can disproportionately affect young men because of occupations, sports activities, RTAs etc.

www.pituitary.org.uk/catalog/free-fact-sheets/traumatic-brain-injury-and-hypopituitarism/c-23/c-116/p-315