To think that there are USUALLY only three reasons why healthy young men ‘go off sex’

[Anon778833]

1 Affair
2 Porn addiction
3 (most hopefully) erectile dysfunction

outside chance - depression - but that would manifest in other areas.

Especially when it’s for at least 18 months!

On a FB group, a woman was saying that her husband has checked out of physical intimacy with her for all this time and he just says ‘it’s not you it’s me’.

Cue a whole raft of women —idiots— saying that all the poor man needs is candles and sexy underwear to get him in the mood!!

I was told that I’m being ‘anti-feminist’ for saying that if it were me, I’d be doing some digging because it’s very unusual for a man who usually likes sex to suddenly become asexual.

Perhaps I am becoming overly cynical in my old age but I am fed up with this culture that teaches women that men are incredibly complex creatures who struggle so much with their complex thoughts that it’s perfectly normal for them to just check out of physical intimacy and it’s the woman’s job to help him and be his counsel and wear sexy clothes??!!!

Im happy to be schooled and told I’m wrong but it’s almost always an affair from past experience.

Some asexual people pretend to like sex as you can then fit in with the 'normal' way of life. Maybe they couldn't keep up the pretence.

I do think it’s more often men manipulating women than the other way around.

I would have thought OP that with your view of women being complex and men being simple would mean a simple man couldn’t manipulate a complex woman, being their intellectual inferior and all.

I have this. My DH doesn’t pressure me at all as the fatigue affects every part of my life.

Exactly!

Plus the paradox of OP suggesting men are such sexually driven creatures, yet also are deliberately manipulating women by withholding sex, to their own detriment??? The mental gymnastics involved is ridiculous. Imagine describing a woman as manipulative because she doesn't want to have sex. It's rightly an outrageous concept.

Thank goodness you see it too. It’s a think the worst of men without any logical coherence.

Surely men go off sex for similar reasons to women - stress, ill-health, pressures of baby-making sex, fear of accidental pregnancy, exhaustion, relationship problems etc.

That's complete obfuscation of the issue though.

Don't switch the subject to something completely irrelevant when you are called out on your BS. The fact that men cheat doesn't mean your views and your expression and justification of them are any less shitty.

And regarding your latest post about single sex spaces, don't tarnish genuine feminist issues with you man hating BS.

I don't think it's BS @CandlelightGlow but you sound pretty angry. And according to the poll, this is something most people feel divided about.

So just stop with the unnecessary aggression.

All of these issues are relevant.

I didn't say that women are complex and men are simple.

What I did is that the most obvious explanation is usually the correct one.

Oh well half the people on MN must be as well then

It's perfectly okay to be angry about things actually. I don't have to not be angry, and pointing out that I am angry does not make me wrong, inferior, ignorant or hysterical.

Your attitude is a perpetuation of toxic masculinity which makes life worse for both men and women. This makes me angry because I think it's unfair and bigoted. I think it's gross and harmful.

You could have posted about men cheating a lot, which bothers you, or men not giving you sex, which bothers you, and that would be fine and fair. But you've chosen to frame your views in a way which targets and denigrates young men for not performing as they should in your opinion, thereby objectifying them, dismissing their experiences, and asserting that their "choice" to lose their sex drive even temporarily is either because of infidelity or emotional abuse.

What a horrible post.

You are clearly of the opinion that men are senseless creatures, who simply havn't got the capacity to think or feel anything of any level of complexity. And I would ask you to consider what this would sound like of you were talking about a woman?!

We are ALL very capable of losing our libido for many reasons, stress being a huge one, fatigue, anxiety allsorts. Men deserve as much understanding as I expect, when I simply don't want to have sex!

It's ok to be angry but it's not ok to be aggressive just because I don't agree with you.

Where have I been aggressive? What have I said that is 'nasty' please do quote it.

So the unfulfilled one should leave? I guess they could then make arrangements to pop back and visit any kids, or have them on alternate weekends or something.

Because it's very hurtful to say I don't fancy you anymore. People look for other reasons but often people just stop fancying their partner both men and women which then leads to an affair or porn

Your views are nasty, and awful, in my opinion. If you have a problem with people disagreeing with you then don't post on the internet?

This.

I do love this oh so classic tactic of the bigots though. You explain your heinous views all naicely and that makes you great and reasonable. And then when someone reads your posts and is grossed out and angered by it and thinks "wtf" - they are the bad guys because they respond indignantly. So tiresome.

Evidently, plenty of people agree with me, though. And that's what is interesting about this.

I am open to having my mind changed. I can't help it if my experiences have given me this view. And it's not about me, personally. I've never had problems with a partner withholding sex (I've had plenty of problems being lied to though) but I've seen it happen to so many people.

Strange how Mumsnet is fine with sexism but not with people challenging it. Must be the 'right kind' of sexism I guess.

After 18 months I'd suggest both partners need to grow up and have a conversation about it like actual adults. I suppose if I tried to talk to my partner about something important and he flatly refused or avoided it like he was still a teenager, that would probably be the end of the relationship.

For full disclosure - my partner has a serious and chronic health problem, and there are times, when he is ill, that we don't have sex for long periods, even though I would like to have sex. It is nothing to do with fidelity, or lack of love or fancying, it is because he is unwell and in pain. And I am not entitled to sex with him when he doesn't want it. I would never want sex to become a chore he has to get through.

Equally, after having one of my dc, I didn't want to have sex for about six months. I'm sure dp would have liked to have sex, but he recognised that he isn't entitled to my body if I don't want to.

Sex is important and enjoyable, but I don't understand how it can be the most important thing in a relationship. Our relationship is based on love, support and shared purpose.

If someone has a health issue then that's completely different, clearly. I also don't think that sex is the most important thing in a relationship but it can leave one person feeling very unhappy if they aren't getting their needs met.

Then when the person who suddenly withdraws isn't honest about why, that's just not normal. Hence I said I would be looking for clues about what else might be going on.

Nobody is 'entitled' to anyones body. And I defy anyone to show that I have said this.

It's about the sheer amount of gaslighting that goes on in modern relationships today.

I think you are right op. Unless it's something medical I know there are a few such as thyroid problems.