Eating meat, veggie dp does not know

[Spicysashimi]

My dp is veggie and early on I also did the same as it’s a big thing for him. I still sometimes eat good meat at meals out but obviously don’t tell him. My sister knows but no-one else. I’m starting to feel quite guilty about it, how wrong actually is it?!

Well of course it’s wrong, you’re pretending to be something you’re not!

It doesn’t matter how “good” the meat you eat is, meat is meat. You’re not a vegetarian, you’re a hypocrite.

So either stop eating meat, or stop calling yourself a vegetarian.

YABU to think you're doing anything wrong, but there's no way to vote for that option

Not wrong at all. They don't eat meat, you do. It would be a bit questionable if you were hiding meat in their food but you can eat what you like.

Think about it, how ridiculous it would be if because one partner eats meat the other one can't be a vegetarian. That's basically the same situation you're in with the roles switched around.

Stop pandering to your partner and insist that when you're out together you can both choose what you like. If you cook, you cook what you want. If they cook, they can cook what they want. You could always compromise by doing some extra potatoes for them if you were cooking a Sunday roast, for example, or give them some extra sprouts or a bread roll or something.

Well, if you're not vegetarian, it's fine.

I'm veggie, OH is not - we mostly eat veggie at home because I do about 85% of the cooking, but he will frequently eat meat outside the house, whether he's eating with me or other people.

He'll also cook meat at home (I'm not precious about this, on the assumption we use separate knives and chopping boards, but that's just basic food hygiene).

My dietary choices are mine and it's grand that my OH just kind of slots in for the vast majority of the time, but it's not my place to impose those choices on him or make judgements about what he chooses to eat.

Oh no!

My partner has been veggie since he was a young teen.

I was a meat eater, then last year I decided to see if I could challenge my self as a New Year's resolution. Well, I'm obviously now over a year being a veggie and I'd never go back to eating meat! Thought of it makes me sick.

I think you just need to tell him you want to eat meat again and so be it!

Do you feel it’s wrong to eat meat, or wrong to not tell him?

Neither is wrong. Although I do question why you feel the need to hide it.

Pam from gavin and Stacey? Is that you? Oh my christ!

At no point has the OP said she is vegetarian...

😁

YANBU not to eat meat, but YABU not to be open about it.

He doesn't get to dictate your food choices or lecture you about why one shouldn't eat meat. If he can't stomach you eating meat around him, or even at all, then you aren't compatible.

it's weird that you feel the need to hide this. I don't believe eating meat is wrong, but lying to your partner is.

I am close to two couples where one partner is full veggie and the other eats meat on occasion when out, or if they are just cooking for themselves. Providing they aren't asking the veggie to cook/handle/consume meat themselves then there is no issue.

He’ll break up with me if I eat meat

Meh.

We all need our secrets.

I sometimes eat non-kosher food when I'm not with DH.

It's fine from the point of you should be able to eat what you like but you should tell DP and maybe agree to eat veggie together.

I’m vegetarian.

DH & DC eat meat. I’d be thrilled if they’d even have a few meat free days a week but it’s not for me to police what they want to eat.

It isn’t wrong at all for you to want to eat the occasional meat meal, it’s wrong that you’re feeling the need to hide it from DH. There is no need to feel guilty and, if that’s how he would make you feel, that is very wrong!

YANBU but just be honest that you do still eat meat on occasion. This is a daft thing to be deceitful about with someone you love.

early on I also did the same as it’s a big thing for him

What do you mean by this? Did he make a fuss about you being a meat eater so you fell in line?

I've dated vegetarians that aren't bothered if I eat meat or not with no issue. One first date was a complete drama llama about meat eaters though. Making a big fuss, squirming, pulling faces just TALKING about it, said the thought made him feel sick, 'joking' he'd hate to sit across from me eating a steak etc etc. Then said 'it's really gross to kiss someone that's just eaten meat'.

Then why go on a date with someone who you knew wasn't vegetarian unless you're on some weird covert mission to convert people?!

Well there’s your problem! (It’s him)

That's rather extreme!!

Do you want to be with someone who controls what you eat? Especially when you don't want to eat that way? It's bad for you to pretend just so he doesn't dump you, but it's bad he has this expectation of you. You can't live a lie forever!

Leave him then. You can't control what another person eats.

Cross post - then you're in the wrong relationship.

He either respects that you're a person in your own right, or you accept that vegetarianism is a line he isn't willing to cross in a relationship.

Sorry - lying to someone is not the good foundation for a relationship, no matter the lie.

The problem is him not you

Sounds like that wouldn't be such a bad thing....

Well then you have a choice. In his mind you're not compatible if you're a meat eater. So you either stop eating meat forever or you break up.

He's entitled to that opinion - purely because you've basically lied that you're veggie when you're not. If he dated you knowing you ate meat and then threatened to break up with you unless you gave it up, then that would be controlling and unreasonable.

Wow! And how do you feel about being with someone who is so controlling that he wants to have a say about everything you put in your body? Does he approve of your sanitary ware, I wonder? Does he allow you to wear leather shoes? Personally, I'd bin him and eat whatever the fuck I want. The thought of having to lie about what I eat for the rest of my life would be too much for me.