Eating meat, veggie dp does not know

[Spicysashimi]

My dp is veggie and early on I also did the same as it’s a big thing for him. I still sometimes eat good meat at meals out but obviously don’t tell him. My sister knows but no-one else. I’m starting to feel quite guilty about it, how wrong actually is it?!

First thing i thought of too 😂😂😂

Then we shall have to agree to disagree.

Clearly, drug-taking is not completely analogous to dietary choices, but my point is that we are all allowed to decide what we find acceptable and what we do not.

If this man doesn't want to eat meat or to be in a relationship with people who do eat meat, he's perfectly entitled to do that. Presumably he has been completely open and upfront about this since he and the OP met.

By lying to him (whether blatantly or by omission), the OP is the one in the wrong here.

@ScramblePud none of what you list compares to someone breaking up with someone because they eat meat. The problem is with him, not the OP.

"Waiter, you know that salad I ordered? Is it too late to change it for a 6oz steak, blue rare?"

Was vegetarian for 30+ years and now vegan for 5 years - to me it is a very personal choice. I'd be delighted if more people went vegan, but it is not my place to dictate to anyone else what they should or should not eat. Same as none of us can insist that other people buy/don't buy certain products, or certain brands, do/do not support certain charities etc.. Everyone does something that another person might passionately disagree with.

I think the issues are that he has put conditions on the relationship, and you are lying. Did you eat meat when you first got together? So the condition was something that was imposed later (albeit early on, as you say)? That's a bait and switch, imo. If he'd said, "I'm sorry, I don't date meat-eaters" right from the word go, that would be different - a lot of people might think he was a bit bonkers, but he's allowed to have any dating criteria he wants. If he's started dating you, and then said "If this is to continue you will have to be vegetarian" and you've accepted that, it is wrong of you to lie about it. He gave you a choice, which you took.

Personally I think he sounds like a controlling twat who thinks he's bloody perfect

Of course it compares. 😂If you think it's acceptable to lie to someone to trick them into being with you then we have very, very, very different understandings of what a "problem" is in a relationship.

@AffIt I didn't say she's not in the wrong for lying, I said the problem is with him not the OP. It's ridiculous to feel like you have to lie about eating meat. If its a deal breaker for him then they are not compatible and he loses what could possibly be the best person to ever come into his life....because she eats meat! Its ridiculous.

You're doing nothing wrong. Keep eating meat. I could never not eat it and couldn't date someone who was vegan or veggie. Thankfully partner eats meat.

Do you hide packets of meat under other food in the fridge ?
Do you stuff meat packaging under other rubbish in your bin ?
Do you worry that he'll notice any meaty smears left on plates not yet washed ?
Do you think he may notice the smell of meat in your kitchen etc ?

If you do, it'll last for whenever you're with him , be that a year or forever . Could you live with that ? I couldn't .

It is simple for some people. Some people believe it’s absolutely wrong and just because it’s not illegal doesn’t mean it’s not.

She’s free to choose to eat meat. But the partner has to also be free to choose to end the relationship if he chooses. Sometimes people just aren’t suited.

Even if it's ridiculous, it's his choice to make. You don't get to override someone else's choice on who they date because you think their choice is ridiculous. You said that the problem is not with the OP - it very much is if she thinks it's acceptable to lie to get someone to date her.

If I were him I'd break up with the OP anyway if I discovered she'd been lying.

If he doesn't want to date someone who eats meat that's his prerogative.

The OP knows what his line is.

@ScramblePud where did I say its acceptable to lie about it? It's absolutely ridiculous to feel like you have to lie about eating meat. So don't put words in my mouth thanks 🤣

How would you feel if your partner was vegan but told you that they eat meat because they knew you'd never date a vegan?

You said the problem is not with the OP. Those were your words.

Is his lifestyle so spotless, he can judge others so harshly

I agree. If ever anyone merited a slap with a wet fish, he does.

So like I say, where did I say its acceptable to lie? The problem is with him, and not the OP. That doesn't mean she should lie. They are clearly not compatible if this is a dealbreaker to him.

Wouldn't happen. Because I wouldn't date a vegan. Yeah she shouldn't lie and just tell him. If he's not happy with it then she needs to leave him. No one just dicate what you should or shouldn't do

How would you know they aren't a vegan though? If your DP was eating meal alternatives and you thought they were eating meat and they said they were eating meat and talking about eating meat etc, you'd be dating a vegan and thought you were dating a meat-eater.

No one just dicate what you should or shouldn't do
You've literally just said you'd never date a vegan but that no one should dictate what someone should or shouldn't do - which is it?

Clearly there's some kind of confusion. To me, if you've said repeatedly that the problem isn't with OP, you're saying that her behaviour is acceptable. What else did you mean by that?

I don't think you are wrong for eating meat because that is your choice. But you are definitely wrong for making your partner think that you are still vegetarian.

I've been a strict vegetarian since I was 12. When I met DP he ate meat but he decided to go vegetarian like me when we started going out. One of the reasons was that the thought of kissing someone who ate meat gave me the complete ick! (It still does.) Another practical reason was that I would want any meat cooking done in our home to use different pans, chopping boards etc.

If you are eating meat, you need to be honest with your partner and discuss the implications.

I know my partner is a meat eater. Yeah well if she wants to eat meat she can. He can't force her not to. Its her choice and should accept it.

Stop lying op.

It's actually a bit controlling and abusive that you've taken away your partner's choice to date who they want by lying about who you are.

I know if you were lying about your job, sex or porn habits, smoking etc people would be lining up to tell you you were bang out of order.

The only reason you are getting anyone condoning your behaviour is because people hate vegans so much it brings out the hypocrite in them.

The issue isn't that you're eating meat, it's that you're lying to him because you don't want him to be able to make an honest assessment of whether he wants to be with you. He doesn't want to be with you - he wants to be with who you're pretending to be.

@ScramblePud is dead right. All the responses of 'how dare he', 'he's controlling', etc are missing the point. This isn't something he's sprung on the OP all of a sudden and pressured her to fall in line with, he was clear about his beliefs from the beginning and clear about the fact that this is so important to him it's a dealbreaker.

Lying to your partner when you know you've crossed what, for them, is a hard line is no basis for a long-term relationship - the subject of the hard line is irrelevant. And the fact OP feels guilty about it signifies what a big deal it actually is for both of them.