Eating meat, veggie dp does not know

[Spicysashimi]

My dp is veggie and early on I also did the same as it’s a big thing for him. I still sometimes eat good meat at meals out but obviously don’t tell him. My sister knows but no-one else. I’m starting to feel quite guilty about it, how wrong actually is it?!

Let him go, tell him you’re not living on veg you need a good balanced diet.

Then break up, because he's not up to much if he's controlling you and what you eat is he.

Red flag. I'd be off.

So essentially we are saying the same thing, if he doesn't care for her enough that he would dump her because she made a reasonable choice of what food she wanted to put in her own body and had a chicken korma when out with friend one night then she is much better off without him.

I cannot comprehend how anyone can be that controlling of someone elses food choices. Would this stance continue if you married a vegan, been together a decade, had children, the perfect family setup and he told you he had a McDs when out with friends and quite enjoyed it and would likely do it again, would you still split up your whole family for it?

@Spicysashimi was that always a condition of your relationship?

Must be vegan, not religious.

So he asked you to become a veggie at the start of your relationship because it’s important to him and you did? And now he’d dump you if you ate meat? He’s controlling, no loss. He’s got no right to dictate someone’s eating choices.

So he asked you to become a veggie at the start of your relationship because it’s important to him and you did? And now he’d dump you if you ate meat? He’s controlling, no loss. He’s got no right to dictate someone’s eating choices.

He is not dictating she is lying.

It’s wrong that he’s that controlling. I would leave him.

@Spicysashimi did you lead your partner to believe that you were also vegetarian when you first met?

My vegetarian DH will happily cook me a steak.

if I was with someone who would break up with me if I ate what I wanted rather than what he wanted, I’d eat a steak tartare in front of him just to let him know he was an ex.

Either eat what you want or get used to living under his thumb. My approval is not necessary.

I think if you’re eating high quality, high welfare meat then that does make a difference. But I really couldn’t be bothered with someone who used the threat of breaking up with me if I didn’t behave. It’s your call. I’m sorry he’s so disrespectful if your choices.

Oh my Christ! Love this 😂

Oh my Christ! Love this hahaha!

As others have said, the principle involved is honesty.

People are entitled to eat what they choose.
We are entitled to make different eating choices, so long as they are legal.
People are entitled to make their eating preferences/tolerances clear at the start of a relationship. And to say whether or not this is a red line for them.
We might or might not find that odd or overpowering or whatever, but it is truthful. And it is not - from general human rights perspective - up to us to judge.
If we conceal the specific eating behaviour that or partners said RIGHT AT THE BEGINNING that they did not like, then we are being unfair and very disrespectful to them.
OP No relationship has a happy future if it's not based on honesty. Without that, how can either of you possibly respect/care for/help each other when times are hard, let alone when it comes to choosing what you have for supper?

It's NU to eat meat.

It is U to lie by omission to your partner.

Have a conversation and tell him your body is craving meat and see how he takes it. I know lapsed vegetarians. It us not set in stone but it is important to be honest about it

All of the people saying that he is being controlling etc clearly don’t understand what it is like to be an ethical vegetarian/vegan.

it’s not about ‘controlling what people eat’ for the fun of it. It’s about life values, life styles, food has a MASSIVE part to play in every day life. What you see multiple times a day when you open your fridge, what you have to look at on the plate opposite you every meal, where you go out, how you raise your children, where you stand on important social/political topics concerning the environment/meat/dairy/animals.

having dealbreakers, which everyone has, is totally normal. It’s about what you want your life to look like. I want to minimise my expose to the things that go against my core beliefs and life values. I wouldn’t choose a partner that ate meat or went hunting or didn’t like animals etc…why would I when I could make my life a hell of a lot easier with a veggie??

He doesn’t even know she’s eating it, so how can he be controlling her diet?! It’s really not the same thing as saying ‘omg he won’t let me eat sugar’.
talk this through on an emotional level and maybe you can come to a compromise while still respecting his beliefs. eating meat outside of the house is on the more considerate end xxx

It's his choice to pursue a relationship with a person who shares similar life values and goals to him.

The fact OP has lied to him to dupe him into a relationship is extremely manipulative. Shocking behaviour.

The op has lied to him because she is worried about the consequences of eating a meal he does not agree with!

If it was me I would just eat the meat in front of him. I honestly wouldn't care. No one tells me what to do.

"worried about the consequences"????

The OP's partner made his position clear from the beginning. No meat. Not everyone's choice, but clear and fair,
So far as we have been told, there has been no coercion.
The OP has chosen to deceive him.
Any consequences will be her responsibility.
She could stop eating meat tomorrow, if she chose.

YANBU to eat meat, YABU to lie to him about it. What will you do if he decides to go vegan and insists thats a deal breaker?

Just tell him you've decided to eat meat, and let him decide if he wants to break up with you based on that or not.

Just tell him you've decided to eat meat, and let him decide if he wants to break up with you based on that or not.

You mean, break up with him based on the nuisance of his vegetarianism?
Surely, that's the only way to solve this situation!

My husband is veggie and I am not. I eat meat when I go out but generally I don't as its cheaper and easier to cook one meal at home, particularly now I have a veggie child too. But I eat sweets with Gelatine and marshmallows etc at home. My husband occasionally will buy me meaty things - like meat flavour crisps or haribo. He understands we have different views and isn't going to force me to do what he says.

I think you need to tell your partner you eat meat sometimes. It is extreme for him to end the relationship just because you eat meat (and in this case you'd be better off withour him). But then if you've been lying to him for a long time then I can understand he might find it hard to trust you.

My thoughts too! 😂

She changed her mind and wanted to eat a different meal than one he approves of but he has told her there will be consequences if she does that.

Not normal. I agree she should tell him, she is better away from him.