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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I’m 45 and due to do this next week

293 replies

Lifejustfliesbydoesntit · 11/01/2023 11:35

Go for an appointment to discuss whether to transfer my final frozen embryo.
After struggling to conceive for 9 years, many losses and ivf rounds, I finally got pregnant at 39 and now have a beautiful 4,5 year old daughter. I just turned 45 and have to decide now whether to use my frozen embryo from when I was 39, if successful I would give birth at 45.
What would you do?

OP posts:
ErrolTheDragon · 11/01/2023 12:03

From what you've said, it sounds like it's now or never, and nothing ventured nothing gained.
I'm assuming you and your DH/DP are financially secure in the event of ill health, early retirement etc.

Inertia · 11/01/2023 12:05

If you do want another child, go for it now rather than having regrets.

PurpleishDahlia · 11/01/2023 12:05

Since you asked wwyd: I wouldn't have another one at 45. Good luck with whatever you decide ☺️💐

BloodAndFire · 11/01/2023 12:06

You would still be doing primary school pick up and drop off at 56 years old. If you don't mind the idea of this, then go for it

bonzaitree · 11/01/2023 12:08

Have you spoken to the doctor about whether they’re happy with your health generally and the health risks for you personally?

Go into some detail and see what they say.

If you want a baby and you and your doctor are both happy with the health risks and you have the money, I would go for it.

I think it’s sensible to not take it further if unsuccessful and put that season of your life to bed.

Toddlerteaplease · 11/01/2023 12:09

I would do it. I wouldn't want the embryo to be wasted. And you'd always be wondering 'what if'

MeMyBooksAndMyCats · 11/01/2023 12:11

Personally I wouldn't. You'd be 61 by the time they finished senior school.

But it's your life, do what you want to do.

Talia99 · 11/01/2023 12:12

If you want another child, I think you’d always wonder ‘what if’ if you didn’t try.

It sounds like you are realistic about the prospects of success. I’d do it and leave it in the hands of fate (or God or your preferred deity).

Having said that, if you don’t want to try for another child, that’s a perfectly reasonable choice too.

CockSpadget · 11/01/2023 12:13

If I was fit and healthy, and really wanted another child, then I would go for it.

amatsip · 11/01/2023 12:14

My IVF, frozen embryo transfer baby was born 10 years ago. She was an ice embryo for six years.
I’m not sure if it’s the same now as it was back then, but I was told there’s more chance with frozen than fresh.
truthfully, I’d go for it if I was you.

darjeelingrose · 11/01/2023 12:15

I'm assuming that you are doing this on your own, so for that reason, I wouldn't. Being a single parent is harder the more children you have.

Newyearnewmeow · 11/01/2023 12:15

I would do it OP. Don’t have any regrets. All the best.

TheFrendo · 11/01/2023 12:16

I would use it. Then there will no 'what-ifs' and if you are lucky...

W0tnow · 11/01/2023 12:17

Honestly? I’d think, meh, it probably won’t work. Might as well try. Possibly not the most considered of decisions, but there you have it.

SirVixofVixHall · 11/01/2023 12:19

Lifejustfliesbydoesntit · 11/01/2023 11:44

Sorry, yes, I do want another child. I just wish I was younger. My only worry is my age, although I feel great and not too old now, I’m not sure if I’d be doing the right thing.
The embryo is frozen from 39 years old.

Worth trying ! I had my last baby at 43, my great great grandmother and most of my other female ancestors had their last at 45/46.
My eldest dd is at university and two of her friends were born to mothers who were 45/46 too, it isn’t too old.

Original poster
Lifejustfliesbydoesntit · 11/01/2023 12:19

@darjeelingrose No, I’m married

OP posts:
ScatteredMama82 · 11/01/2023 12:19

You don't mention a partner, is there an OH involved, how old are they? What are their thoughts OP?

AnotherSpare · 11/01/2023 12:19

I would do it. It sounds as though you want it and are realistic about the chances. I think you would regret not giving it a go.

QueenOfThorns · 11/01/2023 12:20

In pretty much the same circumstances, I did go for it, but it was unsuccessful. Looking back from a few years down the line, I realise that I only did it for DD, so she would have a sibling, not because I really wanted a second child. I would probably have regretted it if I hadn’t tried, but I think it worked out for the best.

SS1983 · 11/01/2023 12:20

I am an IVF mum, and had 2 frozen embryos left at 39 after 5 failed rounds. Put them both in and I have twins! It can work of course, and if you are ready then why not :) Good luck !

Original poster
Lifejustfliesbydoesntit · 11/01/2023 12:20

@ScatteredMama82 Yes, Dh, same age, happy to try if I want to

OP posts:
Xmasbaby11 · 11/01/2023 12:20

I would not. I am 46 and my youngest is 8. Not a chance I would go back to the baby days now I am getting my life back. Also I have elderly parents and I am just hoping my kids will be a but more independent before my dp need support. I do have 2 dc though so depends how strongly you feel about a second child. I have several friends with 1dc and think there are many advantages to it.

Original poster
Lifejustfliesbydoesntit · 11/01/2023 12:21

@QueenOfThorns A sibling for Dd is a huge factor for me also

OP posts:
DifferenceEngines · 11/01/2023 12:22

I would. It sounds like if by chance this did result in a pregnancy, it would be a much wanted child

JoyPeaceHealth · 11/01/2023 12:23

If you don't try will you always wish you had tried?
I think it's a lot of hope-raising and hope-dashing to put yourself through.

A lot of people with one child think things will be twice as good with two children. My second child is on the autistic spectrum and everything changed. Motherhood became a lot harder.