I’m 45 and due to do this next week

[Lifejustfliesbydoesntit]

Go for an appointment to discuss whether to transfer my final frozen embryo.
After struggling to conceive for 9 years, many losses and ivf rounds, I finally got pregnant at 39 and now have a beautiful 4,5 year old daughter. I just turned 45 and have to decide now whether to use my frozen embryo from when I was 39, if successful I would give birth at 45.
What would you do?

Since you want another DC and this is your one final throw of the dice, I'd do it. If you don't, you'll always wonder 'What if?' and if you do, well you'll either have a baby or you won't, but at least you'll know you tried and gave that little ball of cells and your family, that chance.

She clearly isn’t expecting that, she’s asked what would you do. I’m sure she’s not expecting a mumsnet pole to make her fertility choices.

A close friend of mine had a baby at 50 and she's coped fine, she's a great mum.
She is financially very secure though so I suppose that helps. I had mine in my early 30s and didn't have a pot to piss in, so pros and cons.
Go for it.

Honestly, OP if you need to ask, you are not ready for child.

It's a bit like someone asking if they should marry someone.

You either know you want to, and if you need ask, then it is best you don't go ahead.

i think you should go for it! If you don’t you might only wish you had and then it’s too late. Hope if you do go for it it’s successful…. 🌸

Go for it. I regret not having another baby after my son was born. I was 41 but should have done it again. Unlikely you will regret having another baby but you may well regret not doing it.

well, sorry but that's exactly what I think she's asking.

It's irrelevant what I or you would do!

We aren't her.

Our lives aren't hers.

It is silly to ask anons what they would do.

The embryo was frozen at 39 so the risk is the same as a 39 year old not a 45 year old.

That’s how people make decisions, by asking others to share experiences.

But she'll be in her 70s by the time her child is at university or starting their career. It's a lot to put on a young person.

You’ve totally missed the point of mumsnet.

hello there

I do find the range of opinions interesting. I think I sense a lot of strong ideas about what “too old” is…. There’s a lot of hypothesising - of making statements about projecting forward to “dealing with this and that” in your sixties or seventies.
none of us know what next week holds, let alone years from now, and the best laid plans can go very awry.

of course this decision has to be your own.

my thoughts would be - if you are considering it, you want it. So do it. If you love being a mama, do it. This would be from my own experience.

I am 41, mum of five, my youngest is three months old. She has had issues and currently has an ng tube in situ and has struggled to gain weight. Case in point. I fully expected to simply breastfeed my youngest successfully yet the journey has been totally different. But I kind of expected the unexpected as my experience with five kids has taught me that. My eldest is a teenager and has autism and mental health issues and her care is full on. I home educate my kids and am a full time stay at home mum. I am busy off my feet day and night, exhausted and with no “me” time.

I wouldn’t change it for the world. I love my mummy life and my kids and I love having babies and being their mama as they grow.

would I have another baby in four years? Absolutely.

the age debate is kind of pointless - I know excellent mothers with tons of energy in their forties, and exhausted mothers who are overwhelmed in their twenties. And vice versa. I’m often overwhelmed but I’m also doing the only thing that makes sense to me. I have no worries at all about being busy with my family into my sixties and seventies and beyond. I fully plan to live to at least a hundred anyway!

i wound say that I prefer my older mummy self to my younger one - I have more experience, am more chilled, and I did not find pregnancy at 41 even one bit harder than pregnancy at 28.

all the best, no matter your decision.

love.

It's a no from me. Would not be having a baby at 45-46. No way.

My kids are 5 years apart and they adore each other. Have always got on really well. I think it's a nice gap. The older one is starting school when the little one is born, so you have 'baby time' in the school day then make the after school time for the bigger one. I thought it gave the best of both worlds to both of them (and me!)

As you’re asking, I would. As you’re an older mum your DD would benefit from a sibling in years to come.

I would do it. There’s not that much age gap with your older DC, and if you don’t do it you’ll never know whether you might have been able to.

50 is way too old sorry. Imagine having a primary school age kid in your 60s - not good for anyone concerned.

I wouldn't do it, but I have more than one child already, I don't know how I would feel in your shoes.

😂Hardly.

I just don't happen to agree with your take on her post!

As do many other posters.

For a start, she wasn't very clear on her question.

That appears to be 'Is 45 too old to have a baby'.

Some will say yes, some will say no, some will quote experiences of themselves or friends.

All pointless.

I think I'd do it - if it works then wahey another child that I wanted. If it doesn't then... Not to be too emotional about it, I'd prefer for the embryo to have been. "with" me, even for a little bit.

I'd try not to overcomplicate the thinking though. If it's not a "fuck yes" then it's a big fuck no.

I'm adopted and my adoptive parents struggled to get pregnant, culminating in many miscarriages, etc. So in those days they had to have extensive tests to find out why they couldn't conceive and by the time they'd realised they weren't going to have their own child and wanted to adopt my Mum was 35 and my Dad 38. That was considered old to have children in the 70's but I have never felt like I missed out because my parents were significantly older than my peers parents, Dad was able to play with me as I grew up, football, kite flying, badminton, rounders and my Mum used to do keep fit with me and my friend when she was in her early fifties.

If you are thinking 45 is 'old' for the point of view of the child having older parents then don't worry, I'm sure you second child won't care one iota.

I could be in your position, with several embryos in the freezer aged 40 (frozen at 39). I don’t expect any of them to take tbh as we don’t make great or chromosomally normal embryos but if they did, I would transfer the remainder at an older age I think. The stats aren’t great so if it is meant to be, it will be, is how I see it.

For me, I would struggle to put our genetic material into clinical waste or add to our garden’s lost embryo collection (early mcs). There is also something called a compassionate transfer where they transfer at a time of your cycle where it won’t take - but it returns ‘home’. Not sure if they do that in the UK but I thought that sounded like a nice idea.

At 47 I had twins (now nearly 3). Ideally I would have been younger having them, but I'm full of energy and very comfortable financially.
My parents are in their 90s and healthy (live alone, drive, etc), so hopefully I'll be the same.

I'd go for it. You already have a young child, so you're in the thick of the "small children" years anyway.

Is there a reason you’ve waited until now to consider it?

I would go for it OP.

In fact I would love to have an embryo on the ice! I’m about to hit 43 and my miracle boy is 17 months. I find myself broodier than ever but as I am still breastfeeding (LO is a total boob monster 🙃) it creates an impossible dilemma for us… as I would have to stop or pause BF to have another go at IVF. It’s a tough choice and the clock is ticking. And starting a new cycle is a bigger challenge then a FET.

I don’t believe age is a factor, it’s just statistics. If you feel healthy enough and mentally ready for the challenge, you have a support of your family and friends to lean on to, plus you’re financially stable and your DH has got your back, I’d say why not?

All the best OP whichever your choice will be ☺️