First Christmas with new baby, husband didn't get me a card/present/anything from baby

[Spottingtwerps]

We have an 11mo. We are older parents, she will be my only baby and I have had a m/c previously so this is a v precious baby.

I bought my husband a "daddy" card and present from the baby. Baby signed his card with a handprint that I did which took bloody ages as a keepsake. He got me nothing.

He gave baby a card, just from him. The card I gave her was from both of us. He said that his card was for her memory box.

So everyone gets keepsakes except me.

AIBU to be upset that husband got me nothing from the baby or even signed her name in his card or even thought about me??

I think you would not be unreasonable to tell your husband what you would like to happen re cards/presents from your baby from now on, and explain that you were a bit hurt.

I also don't think it's a "weird" thing to do, I didn't do it myself but I remember nursery doing wee hand and footprints and I have kept most of them ( and I am not the sentimental keepsake type!!)

It does sound like you've had a bit of a journey to motherhood, so I can appreciate that things are raw... But your posts describing how precious your baby is do read a little bit like your child is somehow worth more to you than others are to them. All of our kids are precious to us, regardless of how easy or difficult it was to conceive.

I am annoyed at being judged, a very different thing. Disagree with me as much as you like, everyone is entitled to but judging someone is very different.

Now I need to "watch myself". Deary me.

By saying your baby is precious you are implying others are less so.

Getting stuff from a baby is not something I would be bothered about.
what I find very odd is your dh got a card just from himself to the baby.

I’m not judging you and you’ve snapped back at me. I think I’ve been pretty conciliatory. I’ve given you my impression based on what you’ve said. Deary me indeed

Did you know that Christmas is about spending time with your family not about gifts?

Why celebrate Christmas if you are so "concerned" about who gives gifts?

i personally th8ink its weird he gave her a card just from him like hes single-dont get the logic there

My reply didn't day YOU were judging me.

This!

I have a two year old and a 4 month old. I got a card with their photo on that my
husband arranged as well as a beautiful gift from them…we’ve always done this and I do the same for my husband.

I think you’re getting a hard time on this thread and am surprised that so many people think it’s weird to get cards for other members of the household and gifts from young children but each to their own; that’s the beauty of the world.

I think the problem here is expectations and lack of communication. Clearly some households do what you expect and others don’t so you need to make sure you and your husband are in the same page.

Or maybe we're too busy parenting to worry about performative nonsense?

What a ridiculous statement 🤣

I am being strange? Please do explain the strangeness.

Understand how you're feeling it's a really special time. Did your DH just not realise you were hoping for a card? I don't think it's a tradition for everyone.
Don't think it's wasteful sending a card that will be treasured.... Not when a new baby is getting through a million nappies a day :)

Performative nonsense? A little but of something that says "mummy" on it for my babys first Christmas? Yes, total nonsense. What mother would want that?

OP I think the way you introduced your opening post has got a few people's backs up.
Yes your baby is very precious to you and everyone's babies are precious to them.

Did you discuss these things with your husband before hand?
I find it weird he got her a card just from him. Getting a card from and present from the baby for Christmas isn't something we have ever done.

I'm a person that loves cards and likes to keep them so I did get my daughter a baby's first Christmas card and I bought a bauble with her handprint on to go on the tree.
For Father's Day I bought him and card and a personalised book for him and her to read and he's bought me some keepsakes also. We also get a small token from her for birthdays.
Have a discussion with your husband

It's very normal in our family and social circle for parents to facilitate the buying of cards and presents for babies and young children until they are old enough to arrange this themselves.
So yes, I got mothers days cards and presents from my DS when he was a baby that had obviously been written and paid for by my DH but that was lovely.

No I'm not DHs mum but I'm the mother of his children and it's his job to make sure I have cards /presents on special occasions and vice versa.

Where did the OP say her baby is worth more than other peoples babies? I don't recall seeing her say that!

Did he give you a present at all? If not, it's quite mean. But if it's just about giving you a card/gift 'from the baby',I think YABU. It's not customary to do so, at least until the child is old enough to understand something about it; and I don't think it would occur to most people to do so.

Sorry OP this was aimed at another poster and I was being deliberately facetious.

As I said in a previous reply I think it's sweet, but to suggest that not doing it makes you a 'half arsed parent' (as a PP did) is completely laughable.

Yes I do know that Christmas is about spending time with family and I don't give a hoot about value/money etc. I simply would have like something, anything, that said to mummy on it for my baby's first Christmas.

I think YABU. It’s not something I would have thought to do, and would be pissed off if my partner was annoyed because I hadn’t.

Thank goodness for sensible people who just read what's written!! 😀

You can think it’s a laughable as you want.

Just as I think it’s a shame other children don’t have parents who would put in that extra effort. I just feel sorry for them.

I simply would have like something, anything, that said to mummy on it for my baby's first Christmas.

OK, hopefully DH will have learned from your reaction that he’d better get you cards and gifts “from” your baby in future. But even if you get a “To Mummy” card now, it’s not going to make it all better, so you need to get over this, it happened and can’t unhappen.

A couple of things…
You don’t seem to be communicating:

• you assumed you were going to do the joint card to the baby, without talking to him
• he sorted his own card to baby, without telling you what his plan is

you’ll need to get on the same page parenting wise… joint presents? Individual presents? Discuss what presents?

if you want a Christmas present from baby, tell your husband.

you also seem to put a lot of pressure on precious baby - like she has to live up to all your parenting dreams and expectations.
she is her own person- so this is about her dreams and expectations- not yours.
Not everything will be perfect, instagrammable and up to your imagination and expectations.
Finally - in the nicest possible way - the fact that it took you a long time to finally have your baby doesn’t make her any more precious than any other child. Every child is precious to their parents, regardless of how many, or how difficult the journey.

We have an 11mo. We are older parents, she will be my only baby and I have had a m/c previously so this is a v precious baby

I think it’s implied in this statement. The difficulties are given as the reason the baby is v precious in the sentence structure. One reasonable interpretation is that therefore others are not quite as precious!

I’m sure OP didn’t meant it, though, because babies being precious to the parents is usually a given.