First Christmas with new baby, husband didn't get me a card/present/anything from baby

[Spottingtwerps]

We have an 11mo. We are older parents, she will be my only baby and I have had a m/c previously so this is a v precious baby.

I bought my husband a "daddy" card and present from the baby. Baby signed his card with a handprint that I did which took bloody ages as a keepsake. He got me nothing.

He gave baby a card, just from him. The card I gave her was from both of us. He said that his card was for her memory box.

So everyone gets keepsakes except me.

AIBU to be upset that husband got me nothing from the baby or even signed her name in his card or even thought about me??

I am sorry you're getting so much vitriol ... A few people are being helpful and nice though, and suggesting what I would now advise. I DID say don't bother with him either, but the more I think about it, the more I think you should talk to him about it.

I bet the people who think it's just "performative nonsense" or really weird wouldn't think the same thing if they were rummaging in a box at their parents house and found a card to their baby selves with a nice note in it. I bet they wouldn't think bloody hell, what a waste of time, I don't know why my parents bothered. They'd probably think it was sweet.

It’s not “really weird” to give or receive a present “from” a baby, but what’s weird is the 3-week long sulk about it not happening.

I bet the people who think it's just "performative nonsense" or really weird wouldn't think the same thing if they were rummaging in a box at their parents house and found a card to their baby selves with a nice note in it. I bet they wouldn't think bloody hell, what a waste of time, I don't know why my parents bothered. They'd probably think it was sweet

I’m not saying this to be argumentative, but this genuinely would not be something that I was bothered to find

Its not something I've ever thought of doing tbh. I'm not sure how your DH is supposed to know this is a thing. I certainly didn't know. My DS occasionally sends me a card from the cat, we always have a laugh about it.

You're not going mad OP, some people are judging you. I definitely am. Both for the perfomative crap and the idea that your baby is more precious than others: Which you are suggesting because you feel the need to point it out. If you weren't comparing, it would go without saying. Also, you do get that the cards in the shops that say mummy on them, they also work if you have a five year old who actually says that they want to buy a card? Or are you suggesting that there are actual cards in the shops that are specifically from baby to mummy?

Yes this. Stop being ridiculous. You are an adult not a child any more.

I'd think my parents had totally flipped. I would feel what you suggested if I found a card from, say, reception class.

Just remember the way you think isn't the way your husband will think. It wasn't personal to you he obviously didn't want to hurt you.
Me and my husband are like this... we think so differently. So we tell each other what we expect openly and never do suprises. It works.

This isn't a card to the baby, it's a card from 'the baby'. And whether it's a nice thing to do or a waste of time (debatable), its absence is almost certainly not worth being aggreived enough over to make a thread on it.

In the kindest way, do you think you have some unworked through trauma from your previous experiences and losses? You have the memory of your first Christmas with your DD, and probably photos too which for most people, tends to be enough. Focus on the positive, rather than dwelling on a small thing that you've decided is a game-changer, otherwise you risk her first Christmas forever being labelled in your mind as the one where 'DH forgot to get me a card' rather than the happy memory it should be.

I understand OP, I would be a little disappointed too x

A 3 week long sulk? How do you arrive at that conclusion?

I understand OP.

Our first child together was born 5 days before mother’s day. We came two days before - on dh birthday. I’d taken a birthday card for him into hospital, one of the HCAs was lovely and did dds foot prints in it for him.

Mother’s day came a couple of days later and nothing for me.

It wasn’t like he’d been busy with the baby being here or forgotten - he’d gone out and got his own mum a card, flowers and chocolates.

When I asked him what about me, he said, “you’re not my mum”. I didn’t really care about mother’s day, it was just the point that I’d gone to the effort of sorting his birthday card and present while shit scared for my section, gone to the effort of making sure he had a good birthday when I had just been though a bad section and was battling an infected wound and he couldn’t even think of getting me a card.

When father’s day came around a couple of months later, he got in a strop because I said “you’re not my dad” when he asked where his gifts were. (I posted about it here at the time, like 8 years ago and was ripped to bits for being petty).

*we came home two days before

Isn't mumsnet full of threads where people just ask a question? Isn't that the point of AIBU? Is there a threshold of triviality vs seriousness. Who judges that? I'd you're not interested, please scroll on by.

I wanted keepsake so I asked. This isn't something people automatically think to do x

It's been 3 weeks since Christmas and you're obviously still holding a lot or resentment over this

Thanks for this observation. I am aware of my adult status. 3 week long sulk? Have i done that? Does my post say anything about that? Do read the updates and additional comments, don't make snap judgments or jump to conclusions.

Nowhere do I say that or refer to that. You're assuming. Now I will assume you've not bothered to read any updates.

You're so prickly OP. I and a few others posted kind messages about how you're feeling generally and how much you seem to have on your mind, but these have been ignored.

Accept that you're perhaps being oversensitive/ feeling things very strongly. As said these are often signs of PND/ PNA.

Almost 50 with an under 1 year old is a hard shift.

A 3 week long sulk? How do you arrive at that conclusion?

Sorry, an 18-day sulk, it’s 2.5 weeks since Christmas Day. 18 days since it happened, and here you are still obsessing over it.

OP seriously you need to stop posting and/or get this deleted. This level of anger (on all sides) isn't good for anyone.

Just stop posting and get back to your life

Her life according to another thread is that she kicked out this husband three days ago after an explosive argument.

Something is seriously amiss here and I just hope the baby is ok

YABVVVVVU to tell people that your baby is precious because you’re older and you’ve had a MC, give your head a wobble woman for gods sake.

There are a significant amount of parents on MN (myself included) who have been through multiple MC, IVF, infertility (at all ages) and it’s rare that anyone is arrogant or self entitled enough to suggest that their child is somehow more precious because of this, Jesus Christ.

YABU to expect something from your DH without communicating it first. If it’s important to you (and I’m another one who thinks cards and gifts to and from a baby are an irrelevance because it’s ultimately just two adults) you needed to communicate that.

good luck OP, you come across on this thread as someone who is going to struggle hugely with parenting.