To think this was really disrespectful of DH / his work?

[HakunaMaToytes]

DH went to work this AM. No mention of any particular event, working late etc.

I usually do the school run and get dinner ready for when he gets home.

4pm he sends a message just saying "This is taking longer than expected, I'll be late for dinner".

I had no clue what "this" is, but figured it was just running a little late so said no problem.

7pm he messages "Nowhere near finished". I figured it must be some major emergency so I say I'll plate him some up and save. He says thanks. I ask what's going on, no reply. Hear nothing more.

Now nearly 10pm he messages on his way. I ask if he's eaten. Yes, apparently they were in a management training all day and then did an impromptu cookery class where they all cooked their own dinner???

WTAF.

I fully understand things happen at work but surely he must have known in advance this was happening, so just tell me not mess me about and have me plating up food / not knowing when he'll be back etc. He claims he knew nothing about it - if that's actually the case, isn't that massively disrespectful of the company to just assume all the managers have partners sat at home compliantly sorting the kids out who don't need to know when they'll be back or if they actually want the dinner they've made for them?

DH is making out I'm being completely unreasonable so wanted some perspective here, I think it's really bad.

@FloydPepper Ah I didn’t know that, that makes more sense then!

Op, you’re clearly on edge and suspicious. Maybe with reason but I don’t know.

I do think you’re barking up the wrong tree with this one though, and the egging on by the many posters keen to say he’s cheating isn’t helpful.

I have been to a team away day where we have done business planning first, then a cooking session at a cookery school for part of the day, cooked a meal and eaten together and then gone drinking. Just odd that he didn’t say out, back late.

I couldn’t put up with a partner who checked my shower gel / perfume and then accused me of having an affair.A lovely male colleague of mine had a tracker on his phone and his wife called his landline in the office because he said he was just leaving and his mobile had put his location as still in the office - he was in the loo! I did point this out to his wife, she didn’t call again.

And you're giving him the benefit of the doubt again after he went scranny at you for questioning his purchase of new body products etc.

Sorry, but I'm with the others who think he wasn't working and you're ignoring some pretty massive red flags.

If he was due home 4pm.ish and at 10pm was still "in training" I'm sorry but that is just bollocks.

I deliver training courses regularly and I would never allow one to over run by 6 hours.

Sorry but I think your answer is starting at you and you're ignoring it.

I'd honestly be keeping my eyes wide open OP

Wouldn't surprise me at all.

Some companies are bloody shite at communicating what is expected of their staff. This very often happens when there are no admin staff or PAs.

I don’t think the fact he did a cooking course after a training session then they all ate together is unusual - we have done that at work.

can’t think it wasn’t in his diary though - maybe not the specifics, but the end time would have been (ie there is no way he wasn’t told it included an evening aspect). I would just assume he hadn’t read his emails or checked his diary properly before he went to work, and then didn’t want to tell you!

Sounds fishy to me. Are you going to ask him about it?

If the calendar invite is on outlook OP, then you can see who sent it, what date it was sent (so you can be sure it’s not something he’s sent to himself after the event to cover up) and you can also open it to see who else has been invited and their responses. Did the invite say what time the event would go on until? IT is so clever and hopefully should put your mind at ease - if it’s legitimate there is going to be too much there that cannot be faked.

If he works for a company where forced fun is encouraged I wouldn’t be surprised by this. I worked for IKEA and we did things like this, ‘surprises’ with group activities etc.

I’m a bit shocked some think this means he must be having an affair! I wouldn’t assume that. X

I’d say he didn’t read his emails properly and doesn’t want to admit it. Or he went out drinking with his work mates. Cheating wouldn’t even occur to me.

Who knows. I’d say it’s either he didn’t bother reading the invite properly and missed that this would be occurring, likely just looked at the heading and made assumptions. That could have even been the case right through the day and he was genuinely surprised when cook off came about. Or, he was doing something else he doesn’t want to tell you about, either affair, drinking with colleagues or drinking with colleagues with his eye on one hoping she would talk with him. A bunch of internet randoms are not going to know which way the wind blows with all of this.

The actual angst over your dinner itself though is really weird. Why keep calling him, surely just put a plate aside and he could nuke it or eat it cold when he got in? So what you plated it up, how is that in any way a thing as it’s not like an onerous job that takes more than a minute. If he came home later and hadn’t eaten it would have been ready, if he came home later and didn’t want it, bonus! Means not having to make yourself lunch in the morning or buy it, just toss it into a container and eat/nuke it at work, voila. I love it when not everyone is here for dinner, and live in hope when they roll in they have already eaten so I score it for lunch the next day. I don’t delay dinner if people are not in or carry on ringing them and moaning about plating up.

not RTFT here but playing devil’s advocate to a lot of the replies I have read. I believe him 🤷🏻‍♀️ I’ve been to plenty of training days where I’ve not read the full schedule - I’m usually too busy doing actual work to be reading about the fluff they’ve arranged for us all in the name of well being and ‘training’. Perhaps he read the itinerary for the meetings in the day, saw a schedule of stuff and didn’t bother reading it all? I don’t think a cookery class is ever organised last minute so I fully believe it had been planned for a while, I just think he didn’t know about it. Both DH and I have been caught out like this in the last in various ways, I can only speak for myself but I’ve certainly not been out having an affair!

Whatever the truth is here your going to blow.you him or both.
You asked him out right if he was having an affair.over this? No there is more to to it.more to why your feeling like this.
The chri stmas stuff.
You being iffy about things for a while.
Your writing this post.
Your not happy and or not trusting.
If he's lying or telling the truth you won't last with this level of shit flying around.one of you will break.
You need to either sort it out together or split.its no way to live.
Do you have dc?

I can smell another woman a mile off & this stinks. New toiletries, defensive of laptop, coming home late are all signs. Does he leave his laptop at home? Can you log in to his emails etc from another device? I would be going through his pockets to check for receipts, do you have a joint bank account? If so check your online banking for anything you don't recognise, keep your powder dry for now but keep your eyes open.

Affair.

What did they cook? What was the method? Can he cook it for you next week? Pretend your are really interested in his cooking lessons and listen carefully to the replies.

I originally thought that would be me, completely missing the cookery bit, however I'd be really under dressed and not at all smelling nice. If there are photos then WHO else is in them ?

Sounds like there’s someone he works with whose messages he was worried might pop up if they saw “him” online, which he very much didn’t want you to see.

It sounds like you don’t trust him which is the main issue here; has he cheated on you before?

The company isn’t being disrespectful to your relationship; he is

In which case you'd also experience that training days take significant planning and scheduling of attendance well in advance of time, are in staff diaries and include advance Comms/reminders, always incorporate breaks, don't just roll into the evenings fun with no gap and it is fully expected at even the most senior levels (c-suite) that people on evening type events may check in at home. I've been to more than I care to remember.

There are so many gaps in the OPs DH story that assume none of the above points happened, and he then sent really short messages to fill gaps but avoid actual contact.

See, running late is much more usual, , as is being tied up in a war room/crisis meetings but even then, breaks to check In at home aren't discouraged, even board meetings have adjournments if they are overrunning into the evening. It's that side that's odd here - he had opportunities, he just either didn't give much of a shit to call, or was up to something and has lied.

If he works for a company where forced fun is encouraged I wouldn’t be surprised by this. I worked for IKEA and we did things like this, ‘surprises’ with group activities etc.

Did these surprise activities require you to stay at work until 10pm without any notice?

Definitely, the messages will
be staged between him and other woman etc etc

looking forward to the OP ringing her husbands MD off the back of inevitable “advice” from here.

I would find it odd that a session that would need to go on until late in the evening was not planned in advance and that staff were not made aware.

Surely most workplaces realise that people have commitments (kids to look after for example) after work and people would have needed to make plans in advance to be free to engage in this late training.

Unless it was an optional activity which more of a social gathering that staff could get involved if they wanted to and your partner felt like he should still be involved. Again this would very likely had been shared in advance so people could plan.

All very strange. is there anyone else in the company you might know who could confirm what happened?

I must say I had that happened once with an organisation. We were told that we had a team building activity at 4pm in a park 10 minutes from the office. So I thought there was no need to plan for a late finish.

Then it turn out this was a walk and physical exercise which would take us more than an hour away from the office and I ended up in a completely different part of town and my journey home was completely messed up and delayed. I was so angry then because if you had kids to pick up it was completely unreasonable not to mention that in advance that the activity would end in a different location, so companies can do stupid things but this one sounds hard to believe.