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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think this was really disrespectful of DH / his work?

264 replies

HakunaMaToytes · 10/01/2023 21:57

DH went to work this AM. No mention of any particular event, working late etc.

I usually do the school run and get dinner ready for when he gets home.

4pm he sends a message just saying "This is taking longer than expected, I'll be late for dinner".

I had no clue what "this" is, but figured it was just running a little late so said no problem.

7pm he messages "Nowhere near finished". I figured it must be some major emergency so I say I'll plate him some up and save. He says thanks. I ask what's going on, no reply. Hear nothing more.

Now nearly 10pm he messages on his way. I ask if he's eaten. Yes, apparently they were in a management training all day and then did an impromptu cookery class where they all cooked their own dinner???

WTAF.

I fully understand things happen at work but surely he must have known in advance this was happening, so just tell me not mess me about and have me plating up food / not knowing when he'll be back etc. He claims he knew nothing about it - if that's actually the case, isn't that massively disrespectful of the company to just assume all the managers have partners sat at home compliantly sorting the kids out who don't need to know when they'll be back or if they actually want the dinner they've made for them?

DH is making out I'm being completely unreasonable so wanted some perspective here, I think it's really bad.

OP posts:
done4now · 13/01/2023 15:47

threatmatrix · 12/01/2023 20:38

It’s his job, would you want to live on benefits? My staff do as they are required that’s what I pay them for. I wouldn’t dream about having to think about men and children as I didn’t employ them. This might sound a bit harsh but businesses do not run around the employees family.

@threatmatrix

To the point you'd arrange evening management training with no specified end time? So any staff member with a child to collect from a childminder, say, would just.. not turn up until 6 hours past when they're due? I call bullshit.

OP, if you're still here, my guess is he didn't read the emails, which is fair enough, but didn't feel like dealing with it when he realised, so didn't bother telling you until after the fact. I wouldn't necessarily think he was cheating, but I would be annoyed.

Our work laptops have confidential information on them, so we wouldn't think of using each other's. We do have each other's login information in case of emergency, though.

BMrs · 13/01/2023 15:49

@LiquoriceAllsorts2 I think you misunderstood. I never suggested she look at his work computer. I presume if he's conducting an affair there will be conversations on his mobile. Jeez 🙄

Jillybloop393 · 13/01/2023 15:49

Sounds verrrry suspicious to me. However, I'd let it go as if I believed him ..... but I'd be watching him like a hawk, without him realising of course. If he's got someone else there'll be other unusual late nights. He'll hang himself eventually, given enough rope!

IneedanewTV · 13/01/2023 15:56

He forgot or didn’t bother reading the email.

threatmatrix · 13/01/2023 16:33

done4now · 13/01/2023 15:47

@threatmatrix

To the point you'd arrange evening management training with no specified end time? So any staff member with a child to collect from a childminder, say, would just.. not turn up until 6 hours past when they're due? I call bullshit.

OP, if you're still here, my guess is he didn't read the emails, which is fair enough, but didn't feel like dealing with it when he realised, so didn't bother telling you until after the fact. I wouldn't necessarily think he was cheating, but I would be annoyed.

Our work laptops have confidential information on them, so we wouldn't think of using each other's. We do have each other's login information in case of emergency, though.

Show quote history

Your rambling

done4now · 13/01/2023 16:35

threatmatrix · 13/01/2023 16:33

Your rambling

Show quote history

No. You're having a comprehension issue.

Gemma2003 · 14/01/2023 10:05

Flurbegurb · 10/01/2023 22:09

@Internetstranger I'm not an "asshat".

In what line of work is an impromptu cookery class the norm? OP already has suspicions. If he's in 99% of run of the mill office jobs, this is utter bollocks. Combined with OP's update doesn't look good.

I've done lots of training events over the years where there have been random things sprung on you at the end of the day. That has included a random cooking class, and cooking for a charity and various other such activities. In the corporate world it is not remotely unusual to have this sort of activity as a team builder.

Redblanky · 14/01/2023 10:18

Gemma2003 · 14/01/2023 10:05

I've done lots of training events over the years where there have been random things sprung on you at the end of the day. That has included a random cooking class, and cooking for a charity and various other such activities. In the corporate world it is not remotely unusual to have this sort of activity as a team builder.

Show quote history

It is unusual not to know in advance that such team building will go on well into the evening though. Or for it to be compulsory if someone does have a bright idea involving staying late.

I expect he should have known but wasn't paying attention. There's something wrong if he can't just "say so sorry DW, I messed up" though.

Trinity65 · 14/01/2023 12:41

FloydPepper · 10/01/2023 22:06

First response
ffs

Show quote history

Its really tiresome isn't it?

CathyFitzs · 14/01/2023 22:35

I don’t think he was ‘working’ late either, plus the new shower gel, etc., is suspicious. do you normally buy that for him?

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 15/01/2023 05:12

CathyFitzs · 14/01/2023 22:35

I don’t think he was ‘working’ late either, plus the new shower gel, etc., is suspicious. do you normally buy that for him?

He wasn’t working, he was attending a probably not 100% compulsory but highly encouraged work social event

harrassedmumto3 · 15/01/2023 05:47

If it really is just a case of a missed meal due to work, then it's a non-issue completely.
Presumably it wasn't a load of extra work to save him a plate, and it can be reheated and eaten another time.

RachaelN · 16/01/2023 11:40

Oh god this sounds exactly like my ex, then found out he had been cheating on me for ages when I was on Nightshift. With my two babies in the house. He did me a favour tbh.

SleeplessInEngland · 16/01/2023 11:43

I see this thread hasn't died yet - the Definitely An Affair loonies have been left to their own devices.

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