Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this was really disrespectful of DH / his work?

264 replies

HakunaMaToytes · 10/01/2023 21:57

DH went to work this AM. No mention of any particular event, working late etc.

I usually do the school run and get dinner ready for when he gets home.

4pm he sends a message just saying "This is taking longer than expected, I'll be late for dinner".

I had no clue what "this" is, but figured it was just running a little late so said no problem.

7pm he messages "Nowhere near finished". I figured it must be some major emergency so I say I'll plate him some up and save. He says thanks. I ask what's going on, no reply. Hear nothing more.

Now nearly 10pm he messages on his way. I ask if he's eaten. Yes, apparently they were in a management training all day and then did an impromptu cookery class where they all cooked their own dinner???

WTAF.

I fully understand things happen at work but surely he must have known in advance this was happening, so just tell me not mess me about and have me plating up food / not knowing when he'll be back etc. He claims he knew nothing about it - if that's actually the case, isn't that massively disrespectful of the company to just assume all the managers have partners sat at home compliantly sorting the kids out who don't need to know when they'll be back or if they actually want the dinner they've made for them?

DH is making out I'm being completely unreasonable so wanted some perspective here, I think it's really bad.

OP posts:
WheelOfFish · 10/01/2023 23:06

Well if he's having an affair, this is one of the worst covering excuses I've ever heard so I'd leave him just on the strength of that alone.

Surely it's so weird it has to be true?

BorderlineBagpuss · 10/01/2023 23:13

HakunaMaToytes · 10/01/2023 22:03

See this was my exact first thought too! Especially as just recently he's bought himself a whole load of v nice body wash, shampoo, deodorant etc that he never usually would but he really made out i was nuts when I brought it up and how very dare I question him buying hygiene products but I just don't know. I'm not convinced. It's too completely weird, isn't it?? He says he's got photos and the recipes from the group cooking thing so he can prove he was there.

Show quote history

The best lies are hidden in truth.

Blondeshavemorefun · 10/01/2023 23:14

Management training yes

impromptu cooking class no

why didn’t he just say I will grab a Sarnie on way home /at work

rather then plate up food , if he was having f an affair

EscapeRoomToTheSun · 10/01/2023 23:16

HakunaMaToytes · 10/01/2023 22:19

Also...at Christmas, I asked to use his work laptop to book a holiday for us and he got really defensive (I felt, he says he wasnt) and said it was because he couldn't switch off from work whilst I was on there because people would keep messaging. I said to just put Teams on Out of Office then but he gave me some crap about how his system doesn't let you do that.

Have you seen the "proof" he has? Sounds like bullshit to me

Backtoblack1 · 10/01/2023 23:17

Trust your gut

AcrossthePond55 · 10/01/2023 23:17

Now nearly 10pm he messages on his way. I ask if he's eaten. Yes, apparently they were in a management training all day and then did an impromptu cookery class where they all cooked their own dinner???

Where does he work that the workplace has a kitchen big enough that he and his coworkers can receive a lesson and then each of them cook their own dinner? Unless he works in hospitality or perhaps a hospital (where it's unlikely they'd be allowed to use the hospital kitchen) I can't figure that one out.

whynotwhatknot · 10/01/2023 23:18

why didnt he say were in training and cooking later rather than nowhere near finished save some dinner

cooking wont be imporomptu they need ingredients

Nicecow · 10/01/2023 23:19

BloodyHellHarry · 10/01/2023 23:03

An impromptu cookery class after a management meeting?! Come on now 😂

Show quote history

I believe it, I bet it wasn't impromptu, it was planned and he didn't pay attention. That seems totally plausible.
Why would people think he's lying, that is even more ridiculous

Original poster
HakunaMaToytes · 10/01/2023 23:19

So he's just got back and apparently he was due to go somewhere else today but the MD got cross he wasn't at this management training so he had to change plans last minute and go. I saw the texts to back this up. He says therefore he did not know the agenda, or what they'd be doing- I also saw "Surprise team building" in his calendar with Maybe not Accepted. So he maintains the only thing he did wrong was not letting me know when it turned out he'd be so late

OP posts:
whoyougonnacallGOATSBUTTER · 10/01/2023 23:20

There is no way he wasn’t told there would be an activity afterwards. These activities are booked weeks in advance. They can’t put one on impromptu.

AcrossthePond55 · 10/01/2023 23:21

And in addition, how logical is it that there could be an 'impromptu' lesson. On the 'spur of the moment they managed to wrangle up a cookery teacher who had a set lesson as well and a bags of the needed ingredients? Nah, not buying it.

Not saying he's having an affair, just saying he wasn't having a 'cookery lesson'.

whynotwhatknot · 10/01/2023 23:21

strange-but he must have knows at some point then he was cooking there

DixonD · 10/01/2023 23:23

Your poor husband. He must live life on eggshells with you being so suspicious and untrusting. I think you need to address this to make both your lives better.

determinedtomakethiswork · 10/01/2023 23:23

So he has said that he had management training until 10 pm on a Tuesday night? I just don't believe that.

FloydPepper · 10/01/2023 23:24

AcrossthePond55 · 10/01/2023 23:21

And in addition, how logical is it that there could be an 'impromptu' lesson. On the 'spur of the moment they managed to wrangle up a cookery teacher who had a set lesson as well and a bags of the needed ingredients? Nah, not buying it.

Not saying he's having an affair, just saying he wasn't having a 'cookery lesson'.

of course it’s not impromptu

but its sometimes the case that attendees don’t know what activity they’ll be doing. In fact, not uncommon in my experience.

of course someone has planned it. The organiser. Not the attendees

FloydPepper · 10/01/2023 23:26

HakunaMaToytes · 10/01/2023 23:19

So he's just got back and apparently he was due to go somewhere else today but the MD got cross he wasn't at this management training so he had to change plans last minute and go. I saw the texts to back this up. He says therefore he did not know the agenda, or what they'd be doing- I also saw "Surprise team building" in his calendar with Maybe not Accepted. So he maintains the only thing he did wrong was not letting me know when it turned out he'd be so late

That won’t be enough for the mob on here who have decided he’s definitely up to no good!

whoyougonnacallGOATSBUTTER · 10/01/2023 23:26

FloydPepper · 10/01/2023 23:24

of course it’s not impromptu

but its sometimes the case that attendees don’t know what activity they’ll be doing. In fact, not uncommon in my experience.

of course someone has planned it. The organiser. Not the attendees

Show quote history

It must be a very shit company if they don’t tell the team what activity they’ll be doing.

whoyougonnacallGOATSBUTTER · 10/01/2023 23:27

FloydPepper · 10/01/2023 23:26

That won’t be enough for the mob on here who have decided he’s definitely up to no good!

Show quote history

As you’re posting here then you must be the mob too.

FloydPepper · 10/01/2023 23:28

whoyougonnacallGOATSBUTTER · 10/01/2023 23:26

It must be a very shit company if they don’t tell the team what activity they’ll be doing.

Show quote history

Blimey
ive been on dozens of these things for many different (not shit) companies. It’s not uncommon to know you’re doing an activity as a team, but it be a surprise. it’s normal and usual

Xmasbaby11 · 10/01/2023 23:28

I would believe him about the change of plans. It would be a really out there excuse if he was covering something.

It would never cross my mind Dh would be lying in this situation so I guess you are already suspicious - so that is another matter.

Ouchmehip · 10/01/2023 23:28

I’ve worked in the corporate world for 30 years, many genuine meetings that went on till the lights went out/drinks/client entertaining/clubs. But never a cook your own dinner. Never heard of that except on culinary weekends away. Feels off OP

NicLondon1 · 10/01/2023 23:29

I actually think the Calendar setting sounds odd too… so he was invited previously to a “Surprise Team Building” session but replied “Maybe”?
Surely he’d either say he was or wasn’t going?Then it’s not really a surprise as he knew it was happening.. and why would they call it a surprise?
if you can, check who sent the invite perhaps?

FloydPepper · 10/01/2023 23:29

whoyougonnacallGOATSBUTTER · 10/01/2023 23:27

As you’re posting here then you must be the mob too.

Show quote history

What are you on about?
I’ve not decided this bloke is doing something bad. Lots of others have.

FloydPepper · 10/01/2023 23:30

NicLondon1 · 10/01/2023 23:29

I actually think the Calendar setting sounds odd too… so he was invited previously to a “Surprise Team Building” session but replied “Maybe”?
Surely he’d either say he was or wasn’t going?Then it’s not really a surprise as he knew it was happening.. and why would they call it a surprise?
if you can, check who sent the invite perhaps?

Do you use outlook?
all meetings go in as “maybe” until you respond to them

Isitthathardtobekind · 10/01/2023 23:31

Things like this happen with my husband fairly often- eg last minute meetings etc he ‘wasn’t told about’ meaning he can’t collect the children as planned etc. I find it irritating and say it’s not right of his work to not give more notice, but actually I think it’s more likely that there are meetings and that he did know in good time, but he forgot to say.

Swipe left for the next trending thread