To think this was really disrespectful of DH / his work?

[HakunaMaToytes]

DH went to work this AM. No mention of any particular event, working late etc.

I usually do the school run and get dinner ready for when he gets home.

4pm he sends a message just saying "This is taking longer than expected, I'll be late for dinner".

I had no clue what "this" is, but figured it was just running a little late so said no problem.

7pm he messages "Nowhere near finished". I figured it must be some major emergency so I say I'll plate him some up and save. He says thanks. I ask what's going on, no reply. Hear nothing more.

Now nearly 10pm he messages on his way. I ask if he's eaten. Yes, apparently they were in a management training all day and then did an impromptu cookery class where they all cooked their own dinner???

WTAF.

I fully understand things happen at work but surely he must have known in advance this was happening, so just tell me not mess me about and have me plating up food / not knowing when he'll be back etc. He claims he knew nothing about it - if that's actually the case, isn't that massively disrespectful of the company to just assume all the managers have partners sat at home compliantly sorting the kids out who don't need to know when they'll be back or if they actually want the dinner they've made for them?

DH is making out I'm being completely unreasonable so wanted some perspective here, I think it's really bad.

He’s full of shit

Yessss when he shows you the pics dont forget to click "details" - it'll tell you date and time image was taken ect

I can’t imagine any employer booking training which goes on long after office hours without informing people in advance. Surely there would be a mass exodus of people with prior commitments at 5/6pm? Most of my colleagues are tag teaming child pick ups with their OH, and evening clubs,so couldn’t just stay late without warning.

Sorry I think YABU.

drip drip drip

He's full of shit OP. I've been to no end of conferences, seminars and workshops etc that have taken all day and into th even, including some pretty big hitting crisis' that have meant I'm locked in a 'war room' for 24 hours to try and solve an issue. Not once has ther not been a break or a period when people excuse themselves or agree to phone home, arrange childcare, check in on someone etc or even just a break to clear heads before getting back to the situation at hand. I'm talking dozens of times at anything from Startups to international banks.

I'm not going to make assumptions on what he was doing, but he's lying about what he said he was up to.

I was going to say if it's a one odd then I don't see the problem. Bit after your updates it sounds fishy

Absolutely no way would I use DH's work laptop, or he mine. IT policies are really clear, you don't give your partner or kids access to company systems.

Today sounds v weird though.

Perhaps he’s having an affair with the cookery teacher so he’s not lying about where he was but is cheating! 🤷🏼‍♀️

Do you know anyone he works with?

Surely if he was having an affair he’d cover his tracks more plausibly? This is so off the wall it has to be true.

I would find the “didn’t read the email with the schedule on it” a pretty plausible excuse having done similar myself. However, you clearly have other concerns too which aren’t unreasonable.

But even if it’s the unread email excuse, it doesn’t excuse him not updating you properly at 4pm when he found out there was something else happening instead of dangling his imminent return in front of you for 6 fucking hours. Even if it was sprung on him and he’s not having an affair, that was really disrespectful all by itself.

He's probably at the training but he's enjoying the company of one particular person.

I mean, it’s plausible and these things do happen. But then the best excuses are. What he was actually doing today isn’t the point.

The point is, you don’t trust him.

Training sessions are never impromptu, they take some planning. Last place I worked if we had an awayday it wasn’t unusual for something fun to happen at the end but not a cookery class and it never went on until 10pm!

If my partner had last minutes plan that he forgot to tell me about he would either have messaged sometime during a free moment saying "shit I forgot about this so will probably be late" (and we don't even live together.) Or he would have messaged by 4 pm saying don't worry about dinner we have a cookery thing on as part of our team building.

My ex however did what your husband did. worked late and canceled last-minute plans as he had to suddenly work very late and even on a Sunday (worked in the motor industry) there was a reason he didn't finish his normal early 4 pm. I felt so sorry for him as work became so stressful and I tried everything to make life easier at home. Two weeks later I discovered why life became so stressful. he was having an affair. That was 7.5 years ago and he is now an ex-husband.

I am pretty sure you know this is not right and that's exactly what your gut is telling you. I expect you are going to cling on for the odd one or two that validate your OH's story and of course that is human nature to do that. I totally feel for you as I've been there and I hope it works out for you whatever happens next.

Wow I can't believe all the people on here who wouldn't believe this. My husband and I are both senior and work professional jobs. I often run over very late, and so does he. This whole scenario sounds totally plausible. The cooking class probably was planned but he didn't read the agenda. I feel really sorry for your husband 😞

If my husband started quizzing me because I bought some nice shower gel and shampoo, he would be told to fuck right off.

I go on these work things, they can drag on later than you think ..

Sorry OP but I think he’s lying too and there’s a few possible things going on:

a) he knew about the schedule in advance but totally forgot to tell you and went the whole evening not really caring

(if he genuinely didn’t read the email he would have known about the schedule/cookery class at some point during the training so could have texted you to let you know way before 10pm)

b) the whole thing is made up. I’d be asking to see photos, the invite email for the training day to see what times they were required and any evidence of this cookery class (such as photos, emails about it, where it was held and by what company etc) so I get whatever confirmation and peace of mind I needed.

id also be asking him to show me that his laptop doesn’t allow you to set your teams status to offline, that sounds like total BS to me too.

I sincerely hope you get some proof that it was all legitimate!

DH went to work this AM. No mention of any particular event, working late etc.

This sounds odd. Unless you never communicate with each other surely a training day would have got some sort of a mention. This, possibly even more than the 'cooking class' that made him late, makes me think there may be something going on. He had to come up with something after the fact. That, plus the smellies and the laptop...hmm.

Does sound a bit weird but I think the most plausible explanation is that work arranged it ages ago as a team building things and he just didn't read his emails properly.
If he was cheated it would be sensible for him to make up a more plausible lie, rather than this random tale.

An impromptu cookery class after a management meeting?! Come on now 😂

As you suspect something is going on re fancy body wash, deodorant etc. then try and act cool about things. In the meantime can you put a location on his phone and the next time he goes out to a 'work event ' let him tell you all about it and ask where it was, act interested. By then you'll know if he's lying or not. Try and let this go, he will slip up sooner or later , just bide your time

Of course he can put OOO on TEAMS.

He must yhink you came down in the last rain.

He’s sounding dodgier the more you tell us.