To think this was really disrespectful of DH / his work?

[HakunaMaToytes]

DH went to work this AM. No mention of any particular event, working late etc.

I usually do the school run and get dinner ready for when he gets home.

4pm he sends a message just saying "This is taking longer than expected, I'll be late for dinner".

I had no clue what "this" is, but figured it was just running a little late so said no problem.

7pm he messages "Nowhere near finished". I figured it must be some major emergency so I say I'll plate him some up and save. He says thanks. I ask what's going on, no reply. Hear nothing more.

Now nearly 10pm he messages on his way. I ask if he's eaten. Yes, apparently they were in a management training all day and then did an impromptu cookery class where they all cooked their own dinner???

WTAF.

I fully understand things happen at work but surely he must have known in advance this was happening, so just tell me not mess me about and have me plating up food / not knowing when he'll be back etc. He claims he knew nothing about it - if that's actually the case, isn't that massively disrespectful of the company to just assume all the managers have partners sat at home compliantly sorting the kids out who don't need to know when they'll be back or if they actually want the dinner they've made for them?

DH is making out I'm being completely unreasonable so wanted some perspective here, I think it's really bad.

Any normal person who didn't know about a last minute cooking class with work (not in work hours) would have said they couldn't make it or at least messaged family and said what was happening once they had found out.

He's had training and gone to the pub.

So have I - I do the same sort of work as him. Difference being....I've never been on one where I haven't known in advance that I was away for the day / eve whatever. I have no issue with him being away with work. I have an issue with not being told.

Oh... that's a new one on me

But surely that would mean he would either have told OP in advance or he texts at eg 5pm or before they normally have dinner saying am cooking, don't need to feed me, instead of saying later? Ie planned. Not impromptu as per OP.

He does have previous for this albeit a looong time ago, over a decade in fact. And that time he went for drinks with a female colleague but told me he was working late.

I’d assume my partner had forgotten to tell me, and probably thought they had (hence saying it was taking longer)

See this is exactly the kind of thing my DH would overlook in an email, or know about but completely forget the date of, BUT once he realised he would update me ASAP even if it were during a toilet break.

He’s being weird which would make me things he’s lying
otherwise he could of messaged you to say we’re now doing a cookery class so I won’t be home til x

but ask to see the photos and recipes so you can compare to when he cooks he same thing for you all this weekend will his new fangled cooking skills

Also...at Christmas, I asked to use his work laptop to book a holiday for us and he got really defensive (I felt, he says he wasnt) and said it was because he couldn't switch off from work whilst I was on there because people would keep messaging. I said to just put Teams on Out of Office then but he gave me some crap about how his system doesn't let you do that.

You can just close teams down so people can’t see your online/ set yourself to away/ do not disturb altho you cant normally use work laptop tops for personal things so that would of been a better excuse

Well of course he knew in advance if it was management training because he wouldn't be going to his usual office would he?

In any case at the end of a training day, everybody is desperate to go home and they certainly don't arrive home at 10 pm after baking!

On its own it's just about plausible, but I agree op that there seem to be a lot of suspicious things. I'm sorry, I'd be worried too.

He is definitely up to something.

Do you have a shared bank account?

So much sketchy. I'd be keeping my eyes open.

In isolation, I wouldn’t be suspicious (I don’t think) although my DP would rather shit in his own hands and clap than do an impromptu cookery class with his colleagues so perhaps I might be but I don’t know your DP.

However, in combination with the other updates on his recent sketchy behaviour, I’d be incredibly suspicious of him.

I reckon he went out for dinner after work with somebone . Sorry to say this . My STBX did similar but told me the meeting went over time and he had to entertain clients by taking them out . And he just was too busy to let me know. I didn't buy it either.

Something does seem pretty odd about it. With you saying about him being shifty with the laptop and also meeting the lady at the pub years ago when he was 'working late'.

I suppose he won't tell the truth either way though if this kind of thing has happened before. I just don't get why he wouldn't have told you what was happening once he had found out.

I hope he had fun at his 5ish hours cooking course with work though 🤦🏼‍♀️

So he has given you reasons previously to make you think that , a woman that feels secure in her marriage would just think he stayed late for work

Definitely could see my dh having something on, forgetting he had it on, losing track of time, coming home after having eaten etc.. I would just give his dinner to the dog.

But you know your dh and what is within his normal behaviour so trust your own judgment.

After reading your other updates, yes hes full of shit and lying to you! I'm not a jealous person and would never doubt what my DH is telling me, he's never given me reason to. But given your updates......I'd be checking the pics and checking the time and date stamp on them!

Hmmm. After the cooking finished (at a reasonable time and which he took photos of), what did he then do? As that’s what I’d be wondering. Nobody decides on an impromptu cookery session involving employees without warning. And he didn’t have a single second to expand on those texts to explain what ‘it’ was? Bollocks. Trust your gut.

It's the lack of communication that's weird- if this was my dp and he'd genuinely forgotten he had training he'd tell me via text -' oh blimey forgot I had this course, now we're doing a cookery class!' etc. Him just saying 'this' is taking ages is odd, why not elaborate?

@HakunaMaToytes then he can show you the lovely pictures he and his work colleagues took and tell you this evening what he made and what he needs to buy in order to recreate it at home? ;)